Out of Place [Cobra Kai OC x Robby Keene]

14- Skatepark

TW: talk of abuse and alcohol abuse

My mind races far too fast for my liking as I drive back to my house. Miguel, dragon, number, text, photo, truce?, cobra, karate, snake, knee, bruise, brace, shoulder, dad, anger, hardware, rival, tournament, karate, Miguel, Sam, broken, house, dresser, unsafe, bottle, glass, bruise, unsafe, unsafe, unsafe, Parker, PARKER, STOP!

I pull into the first open and empty parking lot. I feel like I'm suffocating. Where am I? I look around frantically. Skatepark... nobody's around.. it's perfect. I get out of my car, hugging my arms tight to my body, which only adds to the constricted feeling. I test the gate door, praying it's unlocked. Oh thank goodness. I slip through and mostly close the gate behind me. I don't really know what I plan on doing here, but it's empty, it's mostly out of view from the main street, and it's fresh air, which is what I need right now.

I do get the slight feeling that I'm not supposed to be here, but it doesn't feel wrong. I read the sign. It's okay. Doing illegal stuff has never ever been my forte. I don't drink, no drugs, no smoking, no vaping, no trespassing, nothing. It's never appealed to me. Underage driving without an adult with me is the worst thing I've ever done, but it keeps me safe. I have my permit, and most adults in my life already know about it anyway. I got the car- well, my dad got the car around December, I started working for the LaRussos in early February-ish, and I started driving in March. I look at least 16, and at the time my birthday was only in three months. Now it's only a little over a week away and I couldn't be more relieved. I'll finally be fully within the law again. Thinking too hard about it makes my stomach turn. I need to calm down...

I gravitate towards a flat rail, setting my phone, keys, and just-in-case kubotan down next to it as I step up. I walk up and down the length of it, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down. Inhale-2-3-4, exhale-2-3-4, over and over again. It's not working, it's not working! I don't understand! Why can't I calm down?! Why has my brain been in overdrive since the tournament?! Why can't I calm down?! Why can't my brain just work like normal?!

Tears stream down my face. My whole body shakes. My heart pounds hard. I feel like I'm being suffocated. My breaths are fast, erratic; strangled. I need help. I have to thrust out my hands to keep my balance on the beam. I need-

Balance...

Wait- balance.. of course! We focused so much on balance and synchronization today and I just... I need to find balance. It's just like at the tournament... it's just like on the tree...

I close my eyes, taking a ready stance for a tae kwon do form, taking a deep, shaky breath. Balance... balance isn't just focusing on the good... good doesn't just.. exist. Good exists because there is bad. And sometimes to find the good, I think you need to acknowledge the bad things in your life... and then realize the good.

Focus... my social anxiety has such a firm grip on my life.. it can take me days to work up the courage to ask a simple question. I get red hot when people I don't know very well ask or tell me seemingly simple things. I overthink almost everything I say before I say it and half the time I don't even say it, which means then I don't stop thinking bout the fact that I didn't say whatever is I wanted to say so badly but couldn't because it felt like something was physically holding me back. The other half of the time, I actually do say it, and I instantly regret it because I can't stop thinking about what the other person was thinking. It's a nightmare, it's a cage.

But a good thing is that I have actually started making new friends. At the beginning of this year I had no one. Now I'm starting to get to know people in my classes and choir, I'm getting to know more people at tae kwon do, mainly through questions about the tournament and karate, and most importantly, I've made friends through karate. I have Sam now, and she's one of my closest friends, not that there's a competition to fill that position. We've grown to be actual friends ever since she sat with me at lunch. She's kind and funny and smart and I know she'll have my back. In these crazy situations I keep finding myself in in just this past week and a half, she's someone I'm very glad to have.