Out of Place [Cobra Kai OC x Robby Keene]

146 - Old Habits Die Hard

TW- talk of trauma

"And you're sure you're okay, babe? You don't need me to come over or anything?"

"I'm sure, cuore mio, I'll be fine. I don't think I'm actually sick, I think- I don't know. It must just be anxiety, the usual stuff,"

"Park, feeling anxious and exhausted all the time, then throwing up because of a panic attack does not fall under 'usual stuff',"

"It's usual for me,"

"I- that's the problem here,"

"I feel fine now, prometo," I lie, "but I appreciate your concern, Robby. I'll let you know if things get any worse."

"Alright," he sighs, "did you make it home okay?"

"Sí, I'm about to head in and start making dinner," I say as I put the car in park, "do you want me to bring you leftovers tomorrow?"

"I love that I don't even have to ask you,"

"I like to think I know you pretty well by now, mi vida," I respond, "I'll see you tomorrow— with plenty of leftovers."

"You're the best. Call me if you need anything," Robby says, "I love you."

"I love you too," I say back, then hang up with a heavy sigh. I can't believe I saw Silver at the dealership... the worst part is that what with all that's happened, I truly don't know if it was real or not. That happens a lot these days. For someone who remembers practically everything that she's heard, my memory has been getting increasingly bad. It's just become harder and harder for me to remember what's real, and what's nightmares or dreams or the voices or lies that I've told myself so many times that they might as well be memories.

I get out of the car. I have dinner to make. It's fine. I'll be fine. I always am.

—

Dinner was good. Mr LaRusso helped me make fresh pasta, and I cooked some chicken while he roasted some vegetables. It was good. I'm glad my stomach was settled enough to eat and keep down the meal. Apparently that's not a given anymore. Just one more thing about me that could malfunction at any point in time.

That aside, Mr LaRusso and I now work together to repair a bonsai tree that broke today at the dealership. I can tell he doesn't truly want to give up the bonsais. They're just another painful reminder of the past... but I'll never forget the way we did this same thing to my bonsai tree, the one that still thrives on my windowsill. The wire is still wrapped around it. I still don't know if it needs it. I'm too scared that if I take it off, it'll fall apart... maybe it's not the only one...

I just wish I could fix myself the way we now fix the bonsai. That I could take some strong wire and keep everything in place until it heals until I'm not so broken anymore. I wish I could fix myself the way I fix the cars at the dealership. The way I fix everything. I can fix lights, I can fix cars, I can fix bonsais and doors and drywall and sinks and everything. But myself? That's the one thing I can't seem to keep together. No matter how hard I try, I always seem to fall apart again. As soon as I put one part of myself back together, another one breaks. I just want to be whole again. I'm tired of feeling broken. I'm just so tired.