Out of Place [Cobra Kai OC x Robby Keene]

145 - Never Better

TW- talk of trauma

"Buenos días, Parker. It's been a while since our last session; I apologize for all the delays. Is there anything in particular you want to talk about?" Dr Narváez asks. I look up at her, expression blank.

It's been a month since Barcelona. The physical wounds have healed by now. The bruises have faded. I once again have full use of my right hand. But everything still feels different in a way that I can't even begin to describe.

"Robby and I have been together for over a year now. My abuela is still in a coma. I've been accepted into one of the best universities in the country. I still hear voices. I watched a kid die..." I recount, "I don't know where to start."

"That certainly is a lot for one person to grapple with," she says, "let's just take things one step at a time. Have you been keeping up with karate?"

My heart twinges as the usual phantom pain shoots through my hand and reality warps for a moment. I close my hands into tight fists, then release the tension. Fortunately, my vision returns to normal.

"No," I answer definitively, "I left it when we left Barcelona."

I still see my friends at school and we hangout often enough. Robby and I still see each other practically other day, which I'm extremely grateful for. I still work at LaRusso Auto and my taekwondo school. They provide constants. Constants are things I need. I can control constants. I can't control variables. Karate was the biggest variable I ever dealt with. Even though I'm not actively doing it anymore, I'm still dealing with all the effects. I'm starting to wonder— and worry— if it will always be this way.

"That must be hard. I know it's been a large part of your life for the better part of two years,"

"And look how messed up I am because of it," I respond. Her eyebrows furrow in what looks like concern.

"Parker..." she trails off, her voice soft. I shake my head a little. No. No. She can't tell me I'm wrong. There's too much evidence that supports my point.

"¿Qué? It's true," I say, "I know you're gonna tell me I wouldn't have Robby or the LaRussos or Miguel or anyone without karate, and I know that. I'll never stop being grateful for that. But before I asked Mr LaRusso to teach me karate, my life wasn't... great, but it sure as hell wasn't like this. Now- now I could be in a psych ward and people wouldn't question me being there. I- I used to just be Parker Reyes. Now I'm 'The Girl in the Dragon Gi', and my life will never be the same."

I can't stop tears from flowing down my face. I cry often when I'm alone, but otherwise, I pretend I'm fine, just like I always do.

"I just- I'm just so exhausted. Everybody pretends like everything is fine even though it's not, and I should know because I do it the most, and I'm really good at it. I just feel so- so numb and scared and upset all the time but I don't want to put all of that on my friends because they've all moved on and they all have their own shit to deal with, so I'm constantly acting, constantly pretending, constantly putting half my energy into tricking people into thinking I'm fine. I'm so tired all the time," I vent, just letting it all pour out, "last summer you told me I wasn't going crazy but what about now? Normal people don't hear voices like this. Normal people don't get flashbacks and feel pain that's not there. Normal people aren't like this."