Wangxian - The Road Not Taken

24. Giving up is not even an Option

Previously:

I named my baby A-Feng and had deep talks with jie and qiqi. We witnessed a scene with village kids that struck close to home. We researched on healing properties of yin energy, A-Yang even brought back scrolls and we found the ritual that was needed. We performed the ritual.

--------

Next day we woke up late, the ritual had taken more than we anticipated. After morning activities, we met for a nutritious breakfast. Now that our immediate planned tasks and plans were completed we had lots of time to spend together. So we had a silent breakfast. Why? Its just that when you have lots of time to talk, the topics to talk on play hide and seek with your conscious mind.

After breakfast, we went to the infirmary for checkup. We would finally know if the ritual worked or not. We were all hopeful and anxious to know the results. The small journey from  dining hall to infirmary felt like the journey to the west. When we finally did reach, I quickly hopped onto the bed and laid down. It wasn't the smooth move that I used to do with the extra weight and all, but I would not change this for anything. I love my babies too much for that.

A-Jie just shook her head with a fond look on her face. She then started the checkup, meticulously taking account of everything to get the accurate reading. She went through all the steps and even noted down her observations. Then she did it all over again. This was making me more nervous by the minute, but I was keeping it all in knowing it would affect jie and also the babies negatively otherwise.

She then sighed, and explained her observations of the checkup, "So there is bad news and good news. Which one would you like to know first?"

Oh no, what's going on?! I can feel panic rising up in me, but I calmed myself afterall my babies are depending on me, and anyways panicking will not help us here. All my life I have been dealt with bad news, I want to start with something good for once, so I say, "Good one"

She tells us, "Good news is that A-Feng's condition is stable. At this pace its a good chance that he will survive till birth."

I feel so relieved hearing my baby has a fighting chance now. "Good. that's good right? So what is there that can cause such worry in you. What is the bad news? " 

She gives the bad news, "While the yin energy helped the baby a lot and essentially stabilized the rapidly deteriorating health of A-Feng, and in turn yours and A-Shuang's but it cannot reverse the effects of time that has already come to pass."

OMG is there something worse brewing up? Will my babies be okay? Is there something wrong with me? Will this affect me? Is it because I practically abused resentful energy that my body is giving up? I don't want my babies growing up without their parent. I know that my this new family will take care of them but I have become a bit selfish when it comes to my babies, I do not want them to ever face the feeling of abandonment of parent be whatever the reason.

Seeing that I would go into a deeper panic if she didn't explain soon, A-jie quickly explains, "The trauma that your body has suffered, both physically and emotionally has affected the babies. A-Feng more than A-Shuang. It has internally caused harm to A-Feng, so even if he is not getting worse, he is not much better. He can maybe get better till you give birth but the catch is that there might not be enough time for him to recuperate and get strong enough to survive birth even if he does survive till birth."

No no no. My babies will survive and be healthy and live a long and fulfilling life. "No I absolutely refuse to accept this hand that we have been dealt. No No we will find another way. If there is no way we will create a way. "

I did not realise that as I am saying this there are tears pouring out of until A-Yang comes and hugs me, soothing me. He spoke resolutely, " Of course we will accept nothing less for our little angels. They deserve everything and more."