baby grey

waiting game

I walk into work already feeling the stabbing pain in my abdomen. Seriously right now, I think to myself making my way to the residents room, to grab my new scrubs and lab coat.
" baby grey you back," they entire room yells.
" agh, loud," I say as lexie wraps her arm around my shoulders.
" get changed we have to go meet our inters," she says like a child at their birthday party.
"Alright," I mumble with a bit of attitude. As I'm getting changed I feel my scars bringing back flash back from the closet.

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We get given our interns, I can't be bothered to learn there names, so I'm just gonna do what yang did with us and number them," I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one: Don't bother sucking up. I hate you. That's not gonna change. Trauma protocol, phone list, pagers, nurses will page you. You will answer every page at a run. A run! That's rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts 48 hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop, and don't complain. On-call rooms. Attendings hog them. Sleep when you can where you can, which brings me to rule number three. If I'm sleeping, don't wake me unless your patient is dying. Rule four: The dying patient better not be dead when I get there. Not only will you have killed someone, you woke me for no reason. We clear?" I say walking through the halls of the hospital. An intern raises her hand," Yes?" I sigh rubbing my temples still trying to ignore the stabbing pain in my abdomen
"You said five rules. That was only four." The intern says
" Rule number five: When I move, you move." I yell jogging down to the er. For the incoming trauma.
" how's it going," lexie says standing in the ambulance bay with me whilst my interns cower inside due to the bit of rain.
" well I'm in pain and my interns are incompetent, and to top it off I'm now really cold." I say resting my head on hers. The ambulance pulls up, the paramedics help offload and 10 year old boy.
" someone found him on the side off the road, no name, not sure how old he is possibly 12. His pulse is thready and I had to intubate on route."the paramedic says helping us into the hospital.
" He's not 12 he's 10 and his name is benji, I did a valve replacement on him last year." I say feeling teas brimming.
" Dr grey your to close to this, leave the room and phone the family." Dr Bailey says sending me out of the room.
  " what did Dr Bailey mean by your to close to this," number 1 says sheepishly.
"Now that I none of your business, 5 your in the er, 4 your running Weekend labs, 3 your in the clinic, 2 your sutures." I say as I turn to leave.
" what about me," number 1 yells.
" hunny, your on rectal exams" I say leaving the room. To call rider, but not before breaking down into tears.
" Hey, lily come here," lexie says pulling me into her.
" I have to call rider and his parents, I can't do anything to help him." I sob into her shoulder.
" do you want me to call him," she says rubbing my back gently. I nod trying not to speak as I sound like an asthmatic donkey right now." Ok here dial it and hand me the phone," she say letting me lean into her.

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I pace around the halls waiting for rider to message me back his parents are on there way and he is at school at least I think he is." Lily, lily, stop panicking, he in surgery, he will be fine" Alex says grabbing my arm.
"Alex, let go of my arm of a I will rip yours off,"I say walking away from his still panicking about benji as his parents aren't here yet and rider hasn't even read my messages.
" Hey we are looking for Dr grey," I here someone say to a nurse at the.
" yeh um, which one there is 3 of them." A nurse says rolling here eyes.
"Oh the youngest one," the lady says.
" Hey Carol, benji is in surgery they won't let me in there," I say not making eye contact.
" sweetie thank you for calling us, even if I was your sister that talked," she says in a snooty tone.
  "Sorry I was a panicking that I wasn't able to help." I say feeling ill now," I have to get back to work but I will come see you later." I say pushing my feelings down.i walk off to find lexie but I find meredith instead.
" Hey what's up," she asks me clearly seeing my face.
" benji my boyfriends brother is in surgery I am in pain, and my boyfriends mother probably things I'm a woose," I say breaking down into tears for the second time today.
" Right, let's go find lexie," she says pulling me behind her.

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We don't find lexie after an hour of wondering, but I get paged to the er for an Incoming trauma we have a 21 year old man from a college shooting. I froze when I heard the word shooting but I quickly snapped out of it.to help the guy but his heart monitor stopped after about 5 minutes of me working on him. I felt my phone buzz so I ripped my trauma gown off and pulled my gloves off throwing them in the bin.i check my phone and see its rider and that he is at the front of the hospital and not sure where to go.
" babe," I hear someone call out and then I see rider running towards me,
" sorry I am later than I wanted to be I got stuck in biology tutoring." He say hugging me.
" I'll take you to your parents, he is still in surgery," I say not meeting his gaze," aslo you could have come to me if you were struggling in school" I say walking down the hall to the surgical waiting room," I'll be back in a bit I have to finish my job first," I say to rider and his parents.

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I walk around the hospital not wanting to see riders parents there nice but there extremely judgemental, plus it doesn't help that I haven't herd anything about benji, he is a really sweet kid and does not deserve this, I mean he taught me how to play go fish and uno plus I love hanging out with him and rider together. I walk around the corner and see Bailey come out of the Or and I know she was the one operating on him." No, no, please don't say what I think your about to say," I cry seeing the look on Baileys face.
" grey, I'm sorry but I have to inform the family can you pull yourself together and come with me or do I need to get someone else, he's gone and there is nothing you can do about it" she say wiping the tears of my cheek.i compose my self and put on a fake face.

We walk into the waiting area but I hesitate to go through the door, I push myself to keep this masquerade on.
" I'm Dr Bailey, I have been working on your son," she say before getting cut of by Carol.
" is he ok," she say standing up before taking her husbands hand.
" I am sorry to inform you that he did make it through the surgery, he had a tumour on his heart and it had eroded through his pulmonary vein." She continued, Carol let out a cry and rider started to walk off.
I quickly caught up to him," babe look at me," I say cupping the side of his face where tears had  begun to trickle down his cheeks," come with me," I say guiding him to the on call room beside us. I led down on the bed patting for his to join I guided his head so it was resting on my chest I felt his arm come around my waist and cling onto me as if I was going to disappear, the tears had made my scrub top slightly wet.