baby grey

returning

⚠️ trigger warning sh ⚠️

We were rescued and taken to a hospital in the nearest city, even though none of us wanted to be anywhere other than grey sloan. Marks condition has gotten worse again and has been put into a medically induced coma, this pathetic hospital doesn't have enough rooms for us all so we have to share, I was put with arizona which was nice ad we were high the the empire state building.
"How are they," someone asks, I know that voice, Alex he's here.
" Lily, Arizona, you ok," he asks, we both shake our heads," lily where's lexie," he questions.
" shes dead," I say, no spark that used to be there.
"What no, where's mark," he asks
"medically induced coma," I respond.

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Three weeks later, arizona almost died so her leg had to be amputated, I'm still stuck in a hospital bed I've had 3 surgerys on my leg and my arm in in a cast with 4 screws helping the bone heal.
" Hey," arizona says as she wakes up.
"Hi," I say staying forward, I haven't made eye contact with anyone since the crash, meredith is back at work and Mark is still in a coma,eyes forward that is something I have got in my head and I wish it was me instead of lexie, it should've been me.
"What happed," she asks I don't have the heart to tell her about her leg that was the one thing she asked callie not to do. Her pain meds will start to wear off soon she will notice.
" ahh arizona your awake," callie says god this is going to be loud, she's not going to be happy," arizona, I'm sorry," she says I must have zoned out as that was what she said before the yelling began.
" you took my leg callie, my fu(k!ng leg the one thing I said not to do," she yells.
" I had to you died, you fricking died arizona, what would I do we have a daughter," callie yells back. Nothing has made me feal emotions since being back but this made silent tears fall and I have no Idea why, its not my fault she lost her leg, God I need to get out of this hospital.
"Callie, stop yelling," arizona says calmly.
" why you started it," callie yells.
" callie, get out," I say quietly, she looks at me shocked," callie, I said get out," I say with a small piece of anger behind my voice. I page Bailey, she is hear within 5 minutes.
" Lily, what do you need," she asks
" to leave, I need to leave,"I say no looking anyone in the eye.
"You can be discharged but I wouldn't recommend it." She says.
" Bailey I'm 19 not 10 can I have the discharge papers please, my leg is in a cast so I'll be fine," I say she hands me the papers and I sign them as quickly as possible,"goodbye arizona, I'll see you around,"  I say hopping out of the room on crutches.

Meredith takes me home and then leaves again, and I just sit on the sofa thinking about life and lexie and everything that's gone wrong, God why did it have to be her, why not me. It should have been me. I hop over to the kitchen, I need a release, I grab a knife from the kitchen draw and take it up to my room, 1 c^t not to deep but deep enough to draw a drop of blood, 2 then 3. I stop after that feeling relaxed, the way I did it, just looks like they were from the crash so nobody will know.

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The rest of the house comes home, I've cleaned the knife and put it back no one will ever know it was gone.
"Hey lily, " April says coming into my room," you ok," she asks joining me on my bed.
" I'm fine April," I respond still staring at the sealing.
" you sure because you left against medical advice," she says putting her hand on my forearm, I feel the pain shoot from my arm.
"I couldn't be there anymore," I say holding back the tears that threatened to fall.she stays laying beside me, we stay in silence for about 3 hours no one else came in. its not the same anymore there's no lexie and I heard that Mark died but there has been no confirmation.
"April, is Mark dead," I say out of the blue.
" I'm sorry, lily, yes he is," she says bluntly.
"Thank you for not lying to me,but I'm gonna get some sleep, enjoy work tomorrow," I say as she leaves.