baby grey

noticing

Another 6 months legs finally healed and well let's just say I fell into the wrong crowd, no one In merediths house has noticed, but they are never home so I don't see them, lexies death took one hell of a told on me, the wrong crowd as in I may or may not have got into some drugs, I takes the feeling of nothing away which is amazing, I stopped with the sh as it stopped releasing anything I felt like pain and anger so I turned to drugs no amount has taken the lung crushing burden that is stuck on my shoulders though.

I ment to go back to work today, do I do it as I had just taken a hit, I feel so great just gotta wait until I start to come down by how much I have take shouldn't be for a good 24 hours so I'll be done by then, I put my scrubs on at home so I can straight into working, I arrive at work still feeling great, I heard Amelia was coming to town I have to avoid she will know the look I just have to hope others don't notice.
"Grey, good to have you back," Bailey says.
"Good to be back Dr Bailey," I say leaving to go to the er. I wonder down to the er thinking all I need is a hit but I can't do that at work, I'm in a hospital full of them though, no I can't, not right now.
"Hey grey," Jackson says.
" alright avery," I say heading out the front for an Incoming trauma. Just to my luck there amelia was looking waiting for the trauma as well, oh $hit.
" Hey lily," she says not looking at my eyes yet mabey just mabey she won't notice.
"Hey Amy," I say playfully.
" how are you doing,"she asks looking into my eyes, crap she knows, I see her page to others and she drags me away from the er doors and to her car," I'll ask again, how are you doing, " she says Sternly.
" I'm fine, " I mumble avoiding eye contact.
" lily tell me the truth," she say softly this time.
"Lime I said I'm fine, I'm mean yeah aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming crushing fear that something bad is about to happen, I'm fine," I repeat.
"I know the look lily, what did you take,"she asks holding my arm.
"nothing, I swear I haven't taken anything," I say grabbing my car keys out of my pocket and running off to it, I jump in my car and drive off. I get back to the house and start to empty my room into boxes, I go up to lexies room which has remained untouched, I take all of the things that ment something to her and I like photos of us as kids and now like on our first day of work, I put that in boxes and load up my car, with all my stuff I lock the house and post the key back through the letter box.

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I drive out to Eliot Bay, I may of drowned here but its calming when there are no dead bodies around.
" fancy seeing you here," I here a voice from behind me, I turn around reveling rider, God I thought I heard the last of him.
"Well you know," I say patting the bench beside me.
"So, how you been," he asks me, I have small tears rimming my eyes," just saying I'm clean now and I have my own apartment, and I have a dog,"he says tapping his foot.
"Then I'm not the person you want to hang out with," I respond.
"Lily, what has happened to you in the last 2 years," he asks squatting down infrot of me.
" Oh you know, I was in a plane crash no more than 7 months ago my sister is dead and so is mark, I hate that I survived and she didn't and," I go to say.
"Your high, I know, I recognise the look," he saysvulling me into a hug, why we have been broken up for 3 years," Come stay with me, I will help you," he says.
"Rider that's not a good idea, I mean sure, but your clean and I'm not, I don't want to drag you down into the hole I have dug for myself," I say as I feel my phone buzz, I am going to pick up its amelia even though I don't want to.
Phone call.
A, where are you.
L, amelia I answered to say I'm not coming home I'm leaving for a while, don't tell meredith, I'll see everyone soon.
A,lily where are you going, I swear you better come back right now.
L, goodbye Amy.
I hang up in tears I would have never thought I would have done that, not in a million years.
" here's my new number,call me if you ever need someone," rider says before leaving, he is my ex yet he has changed so much in these last few years.
I hop in my car and start to drive out of state, I don't know where I'm gonna go but I'm thinking La.