The Bloody Chandelier Of Perfection

Chapter VII

"Mate you alright there?" he asked me.
"Yea I'm alright I just feel like maybe if I didn't rule how I did and if I was there for you, you might not have suffered, and just the thought of that makes me want to die so mu h and I wish I could give myself a slow and painvul death as your words ring in my ears" I explained.
"I deserve to die just as much as you do. And don't think that if you didn't rule how you did this wouldn't have been bad, it's because of how you were raised, your family taught you this, they were no different from you and if the power ruined me and I couldn't help myself, then I think if I blame you for being a bad a person I would be lying. And you say you could have been there for me? You might have helped who knows, but I never reached out either, I ever asked for help because I kept thinking I need to prove myself as a good ruler and that I don't need no one. You can't change the past and if we could then I would go back and change me from challenging you to trying to help you, and listening to your problems and being there for you and telling you how bad it was for the people, I needed to give you a different perspective not be what I was afraid to be" he said.
"Your only saying that to make me feel better" I said.
"No. I mean every word of it. And I am sorry if my words hurt you. I just mean to explain to you, you weren't as bad as I thought of you. I was just as bad as you and we both deserve to die. And there's nothing we can do to make change the past so don't beat yourself up" he explained.
"You say that as you beat yourself up. You may not mean to hurt you, but whether you mean it or no you are hurting yourself, if I don't deserve to beat myself up then neither do you" I replied.
"Bro listen, you beat yourself up during that one week, and that was enough for you. Now if you become the ruler again you can fix this. And hang me so everyone knows what happens when you act up, and when you look at my body you will remember to not let power take over you" he said.
"No. I don't deserve another chance. And if both you and I were able to ignore living people who were telling us the truth, then I don't know how a body is supposed to help" I explained to him. But he had already accepted his lose.
"If you hang yourself, and don't take this second chance, then I don't deserve it either, and if my hanging body doesn't help then yours won't either and I'm not done with my part if the story yet, so let me finish that and then I have something for you too, the we can decide who is worse, okay?" he said.
" Okay, go on"
"Alright day 6 I thought as much as I could about what to do next and what people back home used to complain about, for a second all I could remember was the complaints they had me. And I thought I was doing better than you. And that now they won't complain and I'm a better person now. And there will be no need for them to compain. I thought actually believed I wa sthe vest I could be. And what I was doing was the best for all" he said.
"now you might be wondering what made me reflect on my mistakes so as day 7 was the last day I knew I had to reflect on myself, I thought everyone would praise me, so I summoned the old gay I call grandfather, he isn't blood related, he was just a begged at my street back home, and he was very wise and gave the best advice. So I decided to ask him" he explained.
I knew he would answer my questions, but that means someone explained his mistakes to him, and he knew and beat himself yesterday and today again. Was I helping him by listening? God only knew, but I wonder how it was explained to him. So I let him continue, he went on about his last day as a ruler, I deeply hoped day 7 of the challenge wouldn't be the last day as a ruler, he was a good ruler for 3 or 4 days, and he can continue to be if he will stay around that old grandfather guy, and I will be punished and he will be the ruler and it will all be good. A happy ending, everyone wants that, and I will give it to them. I may be a villain through out this but at least by doing this I will know that I did one thing right, and I might not be the worst ruler. I don't wanna replace Hitler, I feel like I became what I was afraid to when I first took the crown. I hate myself. I really do. And I don't want to redeem tjso hate in anyway because I don't  deserve to.