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My Story of being a black sheep part 2

           So as promised I told you guys I would share how I am the black sheep of my family in more depth. Before I do I want to say a few things. First of all, I love my family. Very much so. I just wanted different things in life. This is not me trying to paint them in a bad light. This is me just telling you my experience and my side of the story. With that being said here we go.

       I thought at first it started when I left Iowa back in 2016. But in reality, it started when I was a child. At the age of about two and a half three, I was "diagnosed" with autism. I put diagnosed in quotations because I never truly diagnosed back then. The pediatrician  just assumed by my behavior that I had autism. I did get diagnosed at fifteen but I dont believe the results are accurate. My mom had to fill the test out for me even though I was capable of doing it myself. And since I had no distinct patterns that fell into an always or never category the test came back that I did have autism. But any way back to when I was a kid.

        Like I said I was diagnosed in a way at three and my mom did everything she could to shelter and protect me. She thought that because of my autism and my naivete I would be taken advantage of. Because I was different, because I didn't understand, she felt like her making a lot of the decisions and calls in my life from an early age was what was best. I remember one incident in particular.

      I dont remember how old I was. I probably between the age of 5 to about 15. During that period of time my mom would not let me hang out with any of friends on my own with out my twin sister. The same rule applied to Abby. To make sure I was not left out if she wanted to go anywhere I had to go as well. I could tell my so called friends at the time agreeded just so they could see Abby. I might have been naïve then but I am not know. I mean seriously, when your friends go off to talk in private with your sister to tell her a secret but you cant come as well, you were never really welcomed in the first place. You were a nucence. Also, when people would tell you the only reason people like you is because of your twin and they know Abby would kick their ass if they left you out or made fun of you.... that stung. Like a lot. 

Here is another story. When I was in high school, a senior to be exact. I got signed up to be in Anatomy and Physiology class. I was nervous because I knew it was going to be hard. When I expressed that to my mom she felt it was to much of a challenge for me based on what I said.  So she made me go to the guidance consoler to try and drop that class. I never said I wanted to drop it I just expressed my feelings about the class but I was willing to at least try it. When she made me go to the guidance consoler I was discouraged. My mom was my biggest support from day one. Yet, she doubted I could do it based on my disability. I did pass the class with I think a B or C and if I recall correctly all she said was good job. Which is fine. But considered what she said and what we did at the start of that class I thought she would of been proud of me. I was proud of myself. But instead it was you did it. Big whoop. 

Because of my autism and the fact that I was different I was doubted a lot.  About school, work, and almost everything in between. I guess my parents thought I would need them all my life. They honestly thought I would never leave Iowa. Even better yet, they thought I would never leave my home town.

I wont go into to much about my home town but Coon Rapids is a typical small town so to speak. Everyone knows everyone and its very set and stone in its ways. Its so small that we have to drive twenty minutes to go to the nearest Walmart.  Why they thought I wanted to stay forever besides to be close to them is beyond me. There was nothing there for me. No decent paying job, no room for growth, no room to experience new things ect. So I decided to move away from my home town to go to college. But that was just as bad if not worse than my home town.