what i'm here for

Chapter 43: Giving Thanks

Derek twisted his back side to side as he made his way down the stairs to the living room. After the game had ended, he had been one of the last to escape upstairs to shower and change for dinner. He had traded his jeans and old sweatshirt for slacks and a sweater over a button-up. Thanksgiving dinner at the Shepherd household wasn't overly formal, but attire needed to be a tad bit of an upgrade from the rest of the weekend.

He had barely seen Meredith since the kids had joined the game hours earlier, but any worry he had faded away as he caught sight of her on the couch, dressed in dark grey pants and a simple blouse, squished between Kathleen and Spencer as they explained the full rules of football to her as they watched the game. She looked up as he entered the room and smiled brightly at him. He smiled back, shaking his head slightly. He had never seen her so...radiant. She was happy and relaxed and looked completely at home with his family. He felt his heart swell as Spencer made a joke about one of the players and she laughed. God, how he loved that sound.

Ducking into the kitchen, Derek found Nancy, Anna and Dean sitting quietly with Carol at the table while Mark flittered around by the oven.

"What are we doing?" He asked.

Nancy widened her eyes and glared at him, and Derek inhaled, realizing they were waiting for Mark to try one of the cupboards. How they had gotten him out of the kitchen long enough to install the locks was beyond him.

He motioned that he understood with a smirk and took a seat between his mother and Anna. No matter how old they got, playing practical jokes on each other, especially Mark, never felt too immature.

"Meredith seems to be doing well, dear," Carol commented.

Derek smiled and nodded his agreement. "She is. I..." He shrugged. "I was afraid she was going to be uncomfortable, but she's really not."

Carol nodded warmly. "She just had to know she was welcome."

Derek nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah, but you have no idea how hard it is for her to feel welcome, to feel accepted..."

"I think I do, Derek," she told him honestly. She regarded him for several seconds, before standing and motioning for him to follow. He stood and followed, right in time to hear Mark cursing as they left the kitchen. No one took notice as they crept through the back of the living room, past the graduation wall, and through the hallway to the small den. It was quiet and isolated, and perfect for private talks.

"What are we doing?" Derek asked suspiciously.

Carol smiled at her son and motioned for him to sit in one of the worn arm chairs that furnished the peaceful room. She sat across from him.

"Mom..." He prompted gently.

"Don't rush me, sweetie. I want to talk to you, and I need a moment to sort out my thoughts."

"Okay," he agreed, still confused. He couldn't remember the last time his mother had pulled him away like this.

Carol sighed and met his eyes. "Firstly, Derek, I want to tell you how proud I am of you."

"Mom-"

She shook her head. "No. I talk, you listen. Derek, I'm proud of you. And your father would be proud of you. You've always been such a pleasure to have around, and you grew into such a wonderfully kind man. You've given so much to this family."

"Mom, this isn't necessary..."

"Yes, it is. Because I also need to apologize. You have been such a joy to this family, but when you needed us, we weren't there for you."

"You've always been there for me."

"No, we haven't. Not like we should." Carol sighed. "You've been through so much in the past year and a half, Derek. And when we found out that you left, and then what had happened..." She shook her head. "I couldn't believe it. I still can't fully believe it. And instead of supporting you regardless and letting you make your own decisions, we pushed you to take Addison back."