𝓐𝔀𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭

♡.008.♡

Is it ok to cry?

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Opening my eyelids, I felt a soft mattress under me still feeling tired my vision was slightly blurry as I haven't regained my consciousness just yet, I was still snuggling inside the blanket that was on top of me. Composing my position to be in a comfortable one I had laid in my side, the realization hit me my eyes have dilated now that they were opened, and started looking around noticing I was in a room.

This room...I'm at Kouki's apartment, he found me last night and took me here?  Sitting up on the soft mattress the sunlight was now shimmering down my face, noticing it was already daylight. Deciding to get up I had gently placed my feet on the ground, while my hands were beside my thighs touching the bed so I would be able to push myself up, this action caused a specific flower to fall off of my head noticing this I had quickly caught the small Pink Zinnia, now that it was on the palm of my hand I began covering the flower with my chakra once again, this action made sure that the flower wouldn't die or get damaged in any way afterward I placed it again on my hair.

A certain smell started filling the room, the sweetening fragrance following the smell it led me to the kitchen. Noticing a figure that was cooking some pancakes coming closer I noticed his dark brown hair was tied up, resulting in a small fountain of hair to be on top of his head. His head was now turned hearing my footsteps coming closer, giving me a smile he pointed at the freshly made pancakes "I made you some pancakes if you'd like!" I went near him and kissed his forehead signifying how grateful I was, "Next time I'll make something for you," grabbing the plate with three pancakes stacked on top of each other and some syrup drizzled on it with chunks of strawberry divided into even pieces which were also organized neatly. Going over to the table I was now eating and Kouki had done the same thing sitting in front of me.

K: "Now tell me Y/N, what happened?"

"It's nothing really, I just..." Biting my lip I winced at the thought not wanting cries to escape my mouth recalling what Hinata told me, yes it was true I had fallen for Naruto but it wasn't my intention I had no idea she felt the same way for him. Looking up from my food I noticed Kouki still held a confused expression still awaiting my response, he reads me so easily but of course, we have been friends for who knows how long- we've done nothing but be there for each other and that's what he's doing right now but I just don't wanna seem weak in front of him, I'm supposed to be a true genin and hide my emotions. I'm supposed to act mature and stop crying like a damn child.

"I won't judge you Y/N, I will always be here for you," Closing my eyes I had balled my hands into fists, no I didn't wanna hear it he makes me feel so comfortable it hurts I'm supposed to act strong yet I break down so many times, I- Feeling two hands wrapped around me my eyes have dilated, now opening them I felt his warmth transferring to me with the tight hug he was giving me, I had now relaxed under his touch and wrapped my arms around him. Tears escaped my eyes once again, I hate this so much I can't stop crying, my mom, Naruto, the responsibility I have, Neji, doubt, guilt, love, everything. It all made me feel horrible and caused tears to fall down my face. I don't know what to do anymore, my mother can't even express how much she loves me and thinks of me as a failure when I do nothing but try to make her proud, and knowing Naruto will never feel the same way as I do is killing me, I can't handle rejection! I can't handle anything, I want somebody to love me as much as I love them, I hate being a failure I hate feeling guilty for my feelings. I- I just.

"I know it's a lot to handle, don't worry cry it all out. Don't bottle up your emotions," Kouki always comforted me, he was the only person with whom I felt connected, I don't know what I would do without him. "Now tell me what happened Y/N" His voice was soft, he wasn't rushing me or pressuring me into it, he wanted to hear me and didn't complain. "It might sound stupid but I have fallen for the knucklehead and I just found out Hinata also loves him," Kouki gave out a hum understanding why I felt this way "that's not the only reason is it?" Pulling him closer into a hug my grip started to tighten, he caressed my hair which made me somewhat get comfortable.

Closing my eyes I recalled an event;

"Mom I made something for you!" A smile took over my face as I was proud of myself, grabbing the plate I went in her direction handing her the batter I made she took it and placed it on the table. Picking up a cookie she ate it "Are you trying to kill me? These taste like shit" she glared at me and grabbed the plate 'accidentally' dropping it, causing the glass-textured plate to break with the cookies going to waste "But- I WORKED HARD!" Now standing my ground I had gained enough courage to say something, my feelings had now turned into anger I can't stand it anymore. "And no matter how hard you try, you still manage to mess things up!" Yelling at me she got up from the couch and went towards me, "At least I'm trying" I declared still standing my ground not letting her get the best of me, even after being my mother she enjoys seeing me suffer. I wasn't gonna let her win this time.

"You're nothing but a failure, I wished I never had you in the first place." My breathing hitched, I could feel her activating her byakugan flinching at her actions ever so slightly, the words she told me stayed in my head looking up at her again I tried to act as if I wasn't hurt. "Then why did you have me in the first place?" I had started trembling from both fear and anger, just that innocent action led her to say such awful things to me. "Because you were nothing but a mistake of mine," I froze looking back down I didn't know what else to say, was this all true? Am I really nothing to her..."I never loved you." Those words made my heart sink, gaining enough courage I looked up at her and since then I regret ever looking. Slap. The side of my face started aching, I placed my hand on top of where she hit me- tears fell down my face. It hurts so much, everything does. Ever since I had started avoiding her hoping I wouldn't see that satisfied smile when she saw I was crying.

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"Kouki am I ungrateful?" His eyes softened upon my question, he knew how difficult my relationship was with my mother and he would always help me forget the things she ever did to me, but in all honesty, the things she has told me stuck to me like if I was a fly stuck on a spiderweb, waiting for my last breath. "You aren't ungrateful, you have gone through stuff nobody knows. It's fine to cry it's fine to feel that way." He caressed my cheek trying to comfort me, damn it this kid. With that I let my emotions take over.

• I'm trying to make Y/N realistic and have people relate to her, many of us cry and it's fine if we do because that's how we all learn ♥