Tumblr Inspiration (Kellic)

Chapter Four

It doesn't get easier. The cravings only intensify and with my diet and lack of eating, it makes it harder to stay focused on my goal. I have this personal goal to get my weight down to 100. Right now I'm at about 120, but I'm not entirely sure, I don't like to check. It's disgusting, my weight is absolutely horrid. I hate it. I'm always going through Tumblr and looking at beautiful, thin people with their perfect bodies and I can't help but compare my shit to their perfection. They must really have their shit together with bodies like that.

I stop scrolling through my feed and envying those with my dream body, when I see a photo of probably the most perfect body I've ever seen. I click to the original account of this beautiful person that holds the URL 'Stay Away From My Friends'. I'm not entirely sure what it means, but I like it. Going through this account, I like what I see. They have a lot of beautiful photos capturing the ugliest parts of the city and making it ..not. There are also a lot of pictures of their body- not that I'm complaining. Their body, his body is lean, thin, and tan. Even with the scars and burns that he has spattered on, he's really quite flawless.

Although, I never understood how somebody could cut themselves. Some would say that what I'm doing to my body is nearly as bad, But starving yourself doesn't hurt like a balde to your skin, it just makes you beautiful.

Ten minutes pass and I'm still drooling over this guy's blog and already planning our wedding. I love it. I'm addicted. If I had to pick someone to be my inspiration, it would be the one behind this very blog.

"Kellin." I hear my moms voice behind me. I could have sworn I'd lock my door.

I quickly shut my laptop and turn to her, shooting a death glare. "What?"

"It's late, what are you still doing up?" She asked. Fuck, she's either on me like a leech or doesn't give a shit. Leave me alone.

"I'm finishing up some homework." I lied.

"Okay, well don't stay up too late, you have school tomorrow." She tells me and I nod. We have a bit of a stare down until she gets the hint that this conversation is over and she needs to get out.

Once she is out of my room and I've locked the door, I proceed in scrolling through my Tumblr well into the night. I have this theory that if I was meant to die due to lack of rest and well, pretty much fucking up my body like it do, then I will. You can't cheat death kids. The universe already knows how I will die, and yes it can be a bit terrifying. Just knowing that the time, place, and how you will die is already known, just not to you is a bit of a nightmare. Death it's self is scary because once you die, that's it. There is no amazing place at the end of your life where kittens and puppies run wild and all your dreams come true. The only thing you get it a grave. Fancy.

-

The next morning, Mike and I agree to meet up to find out who made the team or not. Mike looks like he's just about to piss his pants as we walk up to the door where the list is posted. Once we've made it to the blue sheets it's not hard to see that Mike made the team, considering he's the first on the list and he's jumping around like a 5-year old on a sugar high. Further down the list, my name is printed too. Great.

"Hey, we both made the team." Mike said with a cheery voice and a bright smile."

"Yeah, that's great." I said trying not to sound like I was about to throw up.

After further celebration-mostly from Mike, he says he has to go catch up in one of his classes so he leaves. I'm just about to leave as well and head to the library when some prick blocks my way.

"Who was that?" I look to see the prick is in fact Rian.

"What?"

"Was that your boyfriend?" He asked and I realize he's referring to Mike. His friends are now here making me roll my eyes. What, he can't torture me on his own?

Something comes over me out of nowhere and all though I know it will only make this worse, I can't help myself.

"Why, are you jealous?" I asked just being a cocky, little shit.

"What, no!" He said disgusted.

"Really? Because I think you have a crush on me, Rian."

"No." He said through gritted teeth.

"Oh come on, just admit it. I know you like me." I said with my confidence growing. Rian doesn't say anything and neither do his stupid friends. "I know when you're home alone, you can't help your little, wondering hands." I said brushing my finger against his hand. He only slightly moves it away. "And when they do, you can't help but get a hold of yourself and think of me. You think of me in your bed with you, touching you, begging for me to be inside of you." I said pretty surprised at my own dirty words. At first Rian stares at me, just listening to what I have to say, then I guess it finally hit him and his whole mood changed.

"Shut the fuck up." He yells before pushing me against the wall.

"Oh, so you like it rough." I said with a wink. I already now I'm going to get my ass kicked, might as well had made it somewhat fun for me.

With one swift move, him fist collides with my jaw, bringing unwanted tears to my eyes that only fall because it hurts too much to hold them in. It's pretty much all he does before his monkey friends tell him that a teacher's coming. They run away like pussys, leaving me to fend for myself and act as natural as possible as the teacher walks past.

-
Durning lunch I head to the library, as usual.

"You didn't come this morning." Ms. Dean speaks as soon as I open the door. She hadn't even looked up but it's not like It'd be hard to guess. Not many people come in here, especially during lunch. Ms. Dean finally looks up. Once her eyes have caught a good glimpse of my face, he jaw drops.

"What happened, honey?" She asked immediately getting up from her desk chair and walking over to me, grabbing a soft hold of my face.

I wince a bit at her grip. There's a nasty bruise along the right side of my jawline that hurts like a bitch.

"It's nothing." I don't like to bother her with my irrelevant problems. She has enough to deal with without having some pathetic teenager coming to tell my problems.

"Oh, so it just happened on its own? Please tell me." She said grabbing hold of my hand and taking me to sit down.

"Some assholes thought It'd be real cool to take a hit at me." I sigh.

"Who were they?" She asked.

They may be complete dicks, but I'm not for snitching. They'd now it was me who got them in trouble, then It'd be my ass.

"It's okay Ms. Dean. It was the first time, if they do it again, then I'll make sure to tell somebody." I reassure her although it was all a lie. She smiles softly and agrees to change the subject. For the rest of the time being, we talk about random things like the weather and the new crocs she just got.

--
This was a really shitty chapter, but it was more of a filler so that's also why it was a tad shorter.
Oh! And the part where Kellin is comparing his bulimia to selfharm, he didn't mean like... Selfharm makes you ugly..if that makes sense.