The mafia hunt.

40|He Needed To Be Him

Unedited

Nova

Chapter 40| He Needed To Be Him

I couldn't believe he left me here, locking me in here like I'm some sort of prisoner. I stared at the door in silent anger, my eyes practically burning holes into the wood. I let out a quick breath and turned my back to the door, marching towards the large windows.

I grinned as they opened but my grin soon fell when I looked down. I was two stories high now non pregnant me would of jumped the height or climbed the veins on the wall, but I took one look down at my large stomach and shook my head. There was no way I was risking it.

Feeling helpless I stalked back to the large table and taking a seat. I glanced at the blueprints and written plans of the mission. I could understand why Grayson didn't want me to go, i understand that he was just looking out for my safety but that wasn't what angered me.

It was the way he went about it, having no discussion with me making the decision by himself and then locking me in here. If he talked to me, told me his concerns I probably would of stayed behind. I was also looking out for my safety now as well, for ours.

Although I hated being locked up here and I was still bubbling in anger, I took the silence and the one chance I'm alone to really think. Ever since this all started I've been cutting off my emotions and putting up a brave face, I didn't want to accept reality. I'm some say I'm still mourning Grayson. I know he's alive but I still felt that loss.

Watching the building go up in flames, being dragged out away from his trapped body. I couldn't help but feel numb to it all, I remember standing there for a minute or so just watching the flames. I felt everything around me stop, this gut wrenching pain tugged on my heart. I don't remember much after that day, I hardly remember getting stitched up.

It's all such a blur.

His funeral was the worst. I truly gave up that day, it was like something had clicked in my brain that he was gone. Really gone. Watching the coffin get lowered into the ground, flowers being placed for him. I felt so hollow. This whole dollar coaster of a journey has been traumatic, I don't think I'll ever be able to get over it.

Unexpectedly tears begin to fall. I place a hand over my mouth to conceal the cries, muffling the harsh breaths. I hunch over resting my arms on the table, my body shaking with sobs. I feel like I'm finally letting all these bottled emotions finally be free. Getting them out of my system and letting myself feel the loss of Grayson.

Because he's, he's alive but i went through stages of not even being able to comprehend the idea, to not even believing it, so wrapped up in my own theories (although they were correct) I never had the chance to grieve.  So while I'm locked up in here, I let myself do that.

I clutch my chest as I continue to cry into the empty room, my body warming from the inner turmoil. This was what I needed and I was glad.  Finally claiming myself down, I take some deep breaths and wipe my face clean. I sag back into the chair tilting my head back to look at the ceiling.

I felt stupid for breaking down and thanked that no one was here to whiteness it. I don't really express my feeling often, hiding the hurt behind sarcastic comments and the betrayal through violence. The only person I've ever felt safe to express myself was Jake, before Grayson of course, he was the only one I could talk to. I didn't even have to do that for h to understand.

I don't know how he knew, he just did.

I suddenly feel a wave guilt crash over me realising I've ignored all his attempts at contacting to me. I've lied to him and ran away from him. I'm sure he knew I was lying that something was up but like the good brother he is, he hasn't said anything.