I want to see you again, but I haven't decided when. I want to drive down, but I feel like in would just drown. Drown in emotions, but you'll never understand the commotion. When im around you, I don't even feel blue. But when I'm away, I can't help but think about you. How can I get to know you, with all the challenges we're facing. Truma is at hand, nonetheless I will never understand. Understand, how can I understand when you won't open up. Up to me, set me free, let me in please. When I'm with you everything is perfect, and I know the time spent with you was worth it. You may be 1700 miles away. But I think that is okay. I know the previous door in my life has closed. But I still hold that door so dear and close. I know i shouldn't but it is just so hard to let go. Let go of all I know. Every rose has it's thorns. But in my eyes her thorns are what make her perfect. I love her flaws more than anything else. The late night manic laughing fits. The texture issues everything. We have a lot in common, but I suppose that isn't uncommon.Your music taste amazes me, no one else listens to such a wide variety but me. Or so I thought.. but what has thinking every brought.. Anything, there is to know I wanna learn. It's my greatest yurn. We're complete opposites but opposites attract. I feel like I'm running on a track. She's so far ahead of me I feel like I'll never catch up. Down into a spiral of darkness I fall. I just hope she stays for the long haul. Tho she isn't mine. I hope she can still find the time. For me....maybe for us. She helped me through my darkest point. Now I hope to follow that light and I pray that it will not disappoint.
I wish I would've said everything I wanted to when I left. But honestly I was just so out of breath...I knew that if I went back. I would've fought to stay. Maybe that's my problem. I get hooked on an idea. But I can't act on it. Nervous. Being around you makes me nervous. Maybe I need to go through a metamorphous. End my anxiety, stop that internal rioting. I wish I could explain how I feel, however I just conceal. That's the issue, I just need to push through.
I really want to show her this but I doubt I ever will. But if she finds this book maybe there's hope. She'll see a side I don't show. Or she'll see the dark and run away. Life is full of decisions. Qnd this might be my biggest yet.
