"I'm writing this in case I'm gone tomorrow" I'm writing this in case I've moved on.
You're truly one of a kind, I just wish we could find the time. The time to let this connection blossom, blossom into something words couldn't describe, wouldn't that be awsome?
However. There are to many obstacles in the way. And I don't know if that will ever change. If you asked I would drop everything and join you. But if you told me the opposite I would understand. You have a whole life planned and ready for the taking. I'm stuck between two paths and none really work out well with what you want. However with the way we both are, being separated all the time might not be a bad thing. I know neither one if us want a relationship right now, we both have our reason and they are sound. However, I can't just not act like you're important to me. I keep my circle small, and I hope you stay for the long haul. I don't want to be a distraction, but I don't want to act on inaction.
I feel like a nuisance, but whenever we talk I feel like I'm translucent. No matter how hard I try, I'm always pushed to the side. The sidelines, maybe that's where I belong, always helping, never gaining, maybe that's not so bad. Maybe I should be glad. Glad to be sad. Content, maybe I should just be content, But how can I stay content with the possibility of greatness yearning, yearing right in front of me. Dangling from a thin peice of twine. Hoping it would just get cut from the grapevine.
You're truly amazing and I hope our friendship goes back to the way it was. I'd rather be friends than nothing. But I guess thats what I get for hunting, a better future. The grass is always greener, but nothing would've ever been greener than you.
I don't know what changed. I thought my visit went well, but I suppose that doesn't mean everything is swell. Maybe one day you'll find this and mayhaps we will talk about it. Yet again maybe you'll find it and hate it.
Confrontation is a scary thing and I know neither one of us enjoy it. Too much anxiety around the whole situation. It might be better to re-evaluate, perhaps elaborate the situation. Maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe I need to stop the drinking.
However it's the only thing that stops the thinking, a vicious cycle that's repeating.
I'd give anything to learn how I messed up. Give me a reason for all the time I've wept. But maybe I'm not done just yet. Maybe I'm in the middle of writing a great symphony, maybe you sent for me. I digress, this is just a rant from another meaningless man going on about how his dreams are slightly out of reach, I keep trying to grab and squeeze, but i don't want loose my grip, like a flying trapeze.
So I guess to sum this up. Im sorry. If it's how I left I can't apologize enough, however if I'm just not interesting I understand that too. But will I ever be enough, enough for you? Enough for anyone who cares? I can't carry the world on my shoulders alone. The burdens too heavy, but maybe that's why I take the weight, so no one else has to. I'm like a trashcan full of everyone else's baggage. Looking for the next bit I can pick up to help everyone else. But never using the time to think about myself. I empty everybody's else's trash, maybe it's time to start taking out mine.
