We Really Need To Stop // ImAllexx

More Than Ever

Alex and George
Alex and George's Flat

"Hahaha!" Alex burst into George's room uninvited, staring down at his phone screen. "George!! I can't believe it. It's Callie! She's getting more views on a YouTube video than me since like, well... EVER!"

As he bent down to closely examine Alex's cracked phone screen, George's eyes grew wide and he shook his head. There between the smashed up lines webbing across the screen was unmistakably that cute face - the huge dimples, thick brown eyebrows, the dead-straight fringe, the long chocolate-coloured hair and overly dramatic black eyeliner. Then there were the numbers under the video title. Almost leaping up an octave George gasped, "5 mill?! That's mad. Good views that is."

Alex nodded in response. As the rain was drizzling down outside, the YouTuber's life felt like it was suddenly on pause. Back in his bedroom, his video with Lewis Buchan sat unfinished, his camera and pink mic still switched on and rolling. All Lewis could see was an unmade bed, a storm trooper helmet, empty bubble tea cups and a half-eaten can of Pringles. "Alex? Alexxxx?" the Scottish lad called out in his thick accent several times. The only replies he could hear were muffled shrieks and mumbles now from George's room and he decided to call it a day.

"So - what? Are you gonna contact her?" George asked nervously.

"No!"

"Yes you are. Yes you are, aren't you Alex?"

"No! I won't," Alex swore, "I really won't."

"Don't lie to me Alex. I know you're thinking about it. The big dolla dolla," George laughed rubbing his hands together.

"Oh. Hahaha, I'm not thinking about that," Alex maybe-lied, looking off into the distance at the rain drops gathering on George's window.

"Really?!" George's voice almost did a squeak at the end.

"Yes!"

After a moment's pause, George retaliated, "I don't trust you, Alex."

"Okay, okay, maybe I'm tempted to ask her."

"Ask her what?! To be in a video?"

"No! Ask her how she is, see how she's doing. You know." Outside, the rain kept falling and inside it was so warm and cosy. For some reason George's room always felt warmer and the carpet felt softer than Alex felt it was in his room. I guess the grass is really greener, huh? Dressed in yellow today, the opposite to the weather, Alex started to ponder the contrasts of life.

"Ooo~ Alex is in lo-ove!" George's sing-song voice made Alex smile - even if he didn't want to.

"Ooo~ George is jea-lous!" Alex teased back, pushing his friend's shoulder, sending him spinning a good few degrees to the left.

With his forehead resting firmly in his hand, George just shook his head, "No I'm not."

"Sure sure... Besides - it's not love. What the fuck?! I told her I fucking hated her. That still stands. I just want to check in, see if she's okay. It's a bit different, George," Alex said with some weight to his voice and sat himself down on George's bed - as if this would be the start of a serious conversation. "I'm allowed to care about people without having feelings for them."

"Yeah yeah, that's what they all say. That's just how it starts," chuckling to himself, George started whizzing a Memeulous fidget spinner around fast enough to send it flying into Alex's head if he let go of it. "Let's check back in a couple of weeks, yeah? See how it's changed then, hah!" Already averting his focus back to his computer monitor and whatever work he was doing before, George clearly wasn't buying Alex's story. At all. What was he really doing? Probably reading his second channel subreddit.

"Nothing will have changed," Alex scoffed, "That's the sad part."

George stopped his endless scrolling for a second and span around to face Alex.

"Well - are you gonna message her then? Come on Alex. Tick tock. Time is ticking!" He tapped, or rather, slapped the desk loudly, startling his flatmate. "Oi! Get to it!" Alex jumped. "She could be perishing away without your love right now. Oh my," George said faking a swoon and laughing to himself, spinning around in his gamer chair.

"You are so annoying," Alex said holding back breath. "Honestly don't know how I live with you," he concluded, shaking his head and leaving the room.

"ME NEITHER!" George yelled back to Alex's room. "I'm actually quite tired and going to bed now, so be VERY quiet with your girlfriend, Alex. Or else I will be VERY ANGRY!"

"OH MY GOD!! GEORGE - SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

***

Callie

After the worst Christmas ever - seeing those views and my YouTube channel take off was the nicest, most unexpected present. But also alienating. Random strangers on the internet suddenly loved me but those once closest to me - my family, my friends and sort-of-ex-boyfriend had all vanished - gone, their love taken back. Refunded. It was a weird reality shift. As nice as it was to finally have people talking to me again, it did make me miss the friends and family I'd lost even more. A lot more.

My family hated me, my friends hated me, Alex hated me. Nobody liked me. Except my dad and my half-brother Jack - and my new YouTube fans. I felt truly useless and unloved until the views started pouring in 2 days after we uploaded. At first it felt like a dream. When I woke up to see 1.3M views under my video, I had to blink and refresh the page several times - the night before it was sat comfortably at 2,300 or so. It was so unreal.

But no amount of love from the internet would replace the people I'd lost: My friends. Mum. Nadia. Alex. My favourite people in the world all hated me. I was nothing to them now. A naive part of me had thought if YouTube took off for me and I became famous, that would do it for me. I could move on and be happy. Make new friends - maybe even fall in love again. 

But it wasn't like that at all. Now I knew that not only money can't buy you happiness - but neither can fame. I was lonely and sad and I hated myself - more than ever.

***

Alex and George
Alex and George's Flat

At around 3am, half-asleep and rubbing his eyes, George padded into the kitchen yawning. His black t-shirt was crinkling up around his waist even as he stretched. It was too big for him, but seemed pretty comfy to sleep in. Without looking around, he opened the cabinet above the sink to start making a hot chocolate. That's when he saw Alex - head on the table, arms splayed across it, staring intently at a bowl of cereal. Or rather, staring at the bowl, slightly shining under the moonlight coming in through the window. He hadn't even bothered to shut the curtains or turn the lights on.

How long had he been sat there like that?! George started to panic a little.

"Umm..." in a hushed tone, as if not to wake his quite-clearly-still-awake flatmate up George approached the subject, "Are you okay?"

"She blocked me on everything, George," Alex whined with a sniffle, taking the spoon out of the bowl of milk infused with decomposing Cheerios. Only seconds later - he dunked the spoon back in, then carefully scooped up a tiny splash of milk, lifting it to his eye level - and put it back slowly. And repeat.

"There, there. It'll be alright," George wasn't sure who he was trying to convince more - himself or Alex at this point. He sat down next to his best friend who seemed to be a million miles away from reality and patted his back. That bright yellow t-shirt really offset from his mood.

"Will it?"