Complicated things take time to settle ,they take time to fall in order and so do complicated people. Sidharth and Shehnaaz, both ,were Complicated people in their own respects.They treaded slowly on the path their equation had chosen.It was again a Complicated path, they had not used words ,but moved ahead.They loved being with each other ,being closer; but the words were not put into use.Sidharth was a straight forward ,upfront character while Shehnaaz though never shyed a confrontation often chose her battles thoughtfully. Sidharth wore his heart and emotions on sleeves,Shehnaaz kept them repressed. If Sidharth had a strained relationship with someone, he would make it clear, his opinions were well voiced. Shehnaaz had a slightly layered character, she was not to blame .She had navigated her way to excellence in a profession so highly held by male population. She would not pick up open fights ,but never let go of a gruge ,unlike Sidharth. It was more than often she had hit people who had wronged her at their lowest,her way of dealing with situations.
But again she had the biggest of hearts ,she loved people dearly and invested way too much in them.She had experienced pain , and there fore was on an everlasting journey of being a healer.
Sidharth kept tossing in the bed,he had not talked to Shehnaaz very well in the last few days.They had been busy working. Also his mother not being in apartment and him not taking dinner kept adding to it .He left the bed ,went straight to the kitchen and prepared two mugs of coffee, one fir himself and for Shehnaaz, who despite all the anger at being woken up would love the coffee.
Shehnaaz was literally annoyed when she heard the bell ring .She had tried sleeping ,but people kept calling and disturbing and now when she had finally fallen asleep ,something, well she almost guessed this someone ,stood there knocking at her door.She opened the door ,pursing her lips ,turning them into annoying pout, she raised her one eyebrow.When Sidharth got the exact reaction he had expected out of her ,he let of a chuckle and walked straight past her.
"You got to be serious !",she exclaimed
"Coffee kaha piye gi?",he asked ignoring her.
"Sidharth aap mere ghr raat k 2:30 bje coffee lekar kaise aa sakte ho?"
"Tum...",he spoke
"Kya?"
"Tum bolo....aap nahi !aur meko neend nhi aa rahi thi toh aa gya!"
"Siddharth aapko neend nahi aaegi ....toh mujhe bhi nhi sone doge?"
"Tum ....bola na ...tum bolo",he spoke ,coming dangerously close.
Shehnaaz got conscious of the closeness and to avoid any further awkwardnesd, took the coffee mug from the counter.She loved sleeping ,she could give up on anything for her sleep and now that sleep rarely came easily to her she valued it even more.
"Subah pi lenge coffee"...she took the mug from his hand as well,placing it in fridge. "Abhi aa jao idr....so jao."
Sidharth laid down on her bed,he was slowly becoming used to this mattress of her bed,the notes of vanilla,black current and iris that she smelled of ,her room smelled of.It felt strange being here,with her in her bed.
"Shehnaaz tujhe ajeeb nhi lata mere saath yaha aise Hona?",he asked.
"Kyu pooch rahe ho?"
"Pta nhi...",he replied.
"Alag lagta h....but ajeeb nhi....aap na pelhe ho...jo seedha idr gye,",she said turning to him.
She went a little closer,"Sidharth mai na bhot saalo se Mumabi aana chahti thi...pehle Masters k liye yaha admission mila tha...but kuch hua toh nahi aai ...phir shaadi ho gyi...aane ka bna hi nahi....then Harinder ka yaha pe product work tha...shayed kuch time k liye aate....but..."she couldn't complete
She had never been in love with Harinder ,nor had Harinder been in with her.But he was a her own person, and he was dead ,this would take a life time to get over.
"Kitna time hua tha...tum log ko saath.?"
"Shaadi k 7 mahine pehle se baat kari ghr walo ne...but hum classmates the school me."
"Pyaar karti thi usko? "
He couldn't stop himself from asking.Harinder's name from her lips wasnt the perfection he wanted, but was he to do....they were both joined forever in a sacred relationship?
"Pyaar nahi hota na sidharth...kabhi kabhi ....sab sahi ho...perfect ho...ek ideal aadmi ho ...tumhari care kare ...sab sahi hi....lekin phir bhi oyaar nhi hota.....Maine na koshish poori ki...but pta nahi kuch feel hi nhi hua. "
Life doesn't run, as per our ideas.It has its syntax, a perfect one therefore our decisions seldom make a difference. Our hearts beat an erratic pattern, only to be recognized and recognize another of its kind.Their hearts had both recognized each other.
"Mai na jab young tha...i would think of myself as a stud ...so na...thode der date kia...n then move on kar lia....no commitment types....phir jab baad me seriously lena chalu kia toh...kuch pakka sa nhi hua...log mere jaisa nhi karte the rishte me..."
She came closer,placed her lips softly on his .He felt them as if they were petals.His lips responded to hold her lower lip and gently sucked along it.Their hands still far away ,this was a kiss of trial? They were testing if the waters were OK?.
"Sidharth...mai galat kar rahi hu kya?",she asked moving closer,closing the space, he turned laying on his back, he held her in his arm ,while his hand held hers.
"Kya baby?"
"Sidharth yeh jo aapke saath h ...woh galat nhi h na....mai buri nahi hu...meko aati h Harinder's ki yaad ...nai apne ghr walo ki izzat bhi karti hu...but aapke saath....sab chup chap h....koi stress nahi h...", her eyes welled up.
She held his hand ,took her over her chest ,pressed it right over her heart .
It was calm ,so much in a rhythm, as if beating in resonance with cosmos.He looked at her,wondering what she would say.
"Aap na ....mere ko calm karte ho....i an hyper aesthetic.. .kisi k bhi touch se dar lagta h...ya paas aane se...ya zor se baat karne se....par aap isko shaant karte ho.",she said pointing at her heart.
He felt at loss of words .She held a universe in her tongue. Her eyes had a sparkle that the depths of ocean feel when exposed to light.
"You make me so much like how I like me...i like me better when I am with you.".
She was at ease with words, unusual to herself. But her words sprang right from her heart to his.
"Baby tujhe maloom h na...i am older than you? Way too older?", he questioned her or maybe sought an approval.
He had a lot to reach for.The strength in their bond was still missing, they had a journey ahead of themselves, but he needed this...her assurance over his insecurities. She shook her head ,moving her hand on his face...she said,"it is part of what makes you ,you....n i like being around you..."
