That night shehnaaz had taken diazepam to sleep.Her mother in law did not talk about it ,she might have thought it as an emotional outburst.
It had happened again ,her in laws weren't aware about her anxiety issues and that made Shehnaaz worried.This would not remain an isolated one time event ,many more were coming and Shehnaaz knew this.Shehnaaz was an educated woman ,she understood the complexities of mental health. A few ppl from her family knew about it, but anyone barely understood. All of those who were supportive of her , at times failed to understand what her head could make her go through and that had broken her heart earlier as well .She remembered a time when she would dread going to the local market to get groceries , in her college days.Her friends one or two of who knew about her Condition supported her.At times they had even understood her ,because they themselves had stood fighting their demons.
The gasping ,petrified Shehnaaz. If this was known to her extended family or relatives or people who knew her family ,Shehnaaz would be doomed .Not that Shehnaaz was scared to accepting her Condition, but sometimes some battles must be left not faught ,to win the war.She needed to be away from here ,somewhere no one knew her history, where no body would look at her with pity or contempt.
"Mummy ji aapne dekha na kya hua...meko lagta h I should go away from here..kuch tym k liye..I mean I should take a break....I dont know, job bhi h?"
"Idr aa .. "said her mother in law, extending her arm to make shehnaaz sit .
"Beta kahi aisi jagah Jane ka man h ..jidr koi na jaanta ho? ..tu araam se saans lena chahti h na?"
Shehnaaz looked at the woman not knowing the right answer.
The woman smiled " toh beta ja na ...off lele department se...non paid leave 1 saal k liye ya thoda aur...le na break .."
,she said kissing Shehnaazs forehead.
"Harinder bombay shift ho raha tha na iske baad..and teko bhi kitne saalo se man tha waha rehne ka...toh waha ja ...
Koi clinic join karle...thoda khud ko explore kar k dekh..."
Shehnaaz didn't know what to say .Later in the evening she called her uncle and told him ,she wanted to go to Mumabai and join a clinic there.They had talked all circles but Shehnaaz never told him about her anxiety being back.
A few days later Shehnaaz had called her guide from masters degree days..and asked him if knew of some clinic in bombay that would need her ,and pull some strings that she gets paid enough.
"Papa I have talked to the ppl at clinic, I would be paid well ; besides I am not leaving the government job, just taking a non piad leave. ",Shehnaaz told her dad.The man had almost reacted hysterically, not that Shehnaaz didn't expect it.
"Thik h tu kar apni man maani...log kya bolege ...itne kam waqt me enjoy karne nikal padi...",he complained. "Aur kuch socha h aage ka ...poori zindgi ghar bhi nahi rahigi...shaadi kaise hogi teri agr tu is waqt bombay chali gyi...?", boom and it was out.Of course she was waiting for this to come.Her dad worrying for everything under the sky, except for what his children wanted.
Shehnaaz had a complicated relation with her dad.She loved him, and always wanted him healthy and happy.But life ,it is complex and so are relationships in which it binds people.Her dad was a dotting father ,to both sisters.But only they knew the conditions of his love for them.
Most of the times Shehnaaz did not put up a fight with her dad for her dreams.He had forced her to study medicine when she had a keen hand in mathematics. He had asked her to get married and she did, despite her heart not going for it.Be it what would be cooked at home, to what color the walls would be painted the man had decided it all.
But this was different, like her mother in law who knew Shehnaaz would have a tough time convincing her had had told her..."beta teri ladai h...teko hi ladni h....and you know what you are worth a fight...toh is baar apne mann k liye lad.." ,so Shehnaaz fought. She was going to Mumabai because she wanted to be there, away from beas,her hometown.
Nashville apartments, building 2C ,apartment 704 ; she held the address that the broker had given her.They had talked over phone, from clinic to apartment everything was arranged. The broker had shown the apartment to her to be collegue and they had agreed with it.
In 90 minutes her flight would be landing at Mumabai Airport. She kept her heada on her masi's shoulder who along with her brother had come to help Shehnaaz settle into New place.
They booked the cab, Mumbai was new to Shehnaaz,as for her masi and maama ji ,they had been here with their sister,Shehnaaz's mother during her treatment at Tata memorial and other events. Shehnaaz had been to many paces ,delhi was almost a home to her. But the new ness of Mumabai stirred her ,the traffic struck her and the humidity as well.It was more crowded than Delhi for sure and more simpler;she concluded her first impression of the maximum city.
Entering the building after they pressed for 7 on elevator. Reaching the apartment, a 1bhk with balcony facing the garden.It was a gated colony ,in a posh area and was therefore expensive, but Shehnaaz was a doctor and she had savings plus she would be getting her salary from clinic every month ,so she was covered and hoped no emergency would fall her,then she would have to beg money from her family.
