"Chali gyi teri nayi best friend?" ,asked Bose as he entered Shehnaaz's room.
Shehnaaz lifted her head ,giving a look to him .She knew him ,this was an open circus for them to come up and have a fun time over her situation.Typical friends!She gave him an annoyed look ,but the look on his face made her smile ,a wide smile swept over her face.
"Behnchod...koi ata pta nahi na teko kya kia hai...",he asked her.
"Tujhe kya lagta hai?",she raised herself up on the chair ,sitting in a cross legged posture on the chair.
"Gusse me toh nahi kia...and acche se pata hai kya kia... bas kyu kia samjh me nahi aa raha!",he spoke while taking an adjacent chair ,opening his lunch box,while Abish entered the room.
"Yeh wahi thi na ...rumi?", Abish asked
She smiled back ,pouting.
"Kar dia kaand jo karna tha ...ya more episodes coming up?,he contined.
Things were lighter in here with Shehnaaz .She had done what she had felt was correct ,but that had not gotten to her head.Abish and bose were being kind off funny,but that was enabling Shehnaaz to be more of her natural self,carefree and unbothered.She had a scary kind off control over her mind,her situations. It was almost frightening to witness her ,she had lost control over the situation for a moment, and the way she had reacted to that was not conventionally easy to digest.
''Did you talk to Shehnaaz?",Preeti asked Sidharth, as he sat on the couch ,changing the TV to a news channel.
"What is there to talk about?",he answered back almost unaffected by the question,as if nothing had happened.
"Sidharth what had to happen hogya na...abhi sort out kar lo...the longer you take the messier its going to get.",Preeti was trying to get them to a point where they could discuss the way forward.
"Sort out...we don't have anything to sort out...usko jo sahi laga usne kia ...ab mujhe jo sahi lage ga mai woh karuga!",Sidahrth was an obstinate person ,his entire frame was formed on rigid non bending pricliples.
"Montu aisa bhi kya kar dia...she just reacted...",before preeti could complete Sidharth interrupted her
"Really reacted...aise...she didn't for fuck sake think ki mai aisa kyu react kar raha hu...behnchod...uska naam bhi nahi pata bahar kisi ko...meko bhi toh kaha na logo ne kitna kuch...agar do minute ruk k logically react kar leti toh..."
"Thats what no Sidharth, maybe she reacted on an impulse..."
"Oh...no no no!,you are mistaken pri, ek min k liye I agree usne impulsive hoke kia jo kia...but then she's way too intelligent to not have known the consequences this would bring to that girl...Do you realize, for a moment that abortion is such a sensitive thing,I mean does Shehnaaz for sure know that child was not a result of an abuse or something..."
"Sidharth but ho gya na abhi..."
"That's what pri hogya...Shehnaaz went to Rumi ,she talked to her ,usne apne resources use kiye and got her fixed. But the problem in here is not Rumi ,its Shehnaaz. Do you realize that she can be so fucking brutal while crushing someone ...imagine some one of us being in her wrong books,chal leave it,if she can do this to Rumi,who is in showbizz...imagine her being wronged by someone who has no power to stand in front of her....uska kya karegi woh!''
Preeti felt silent, she knew Sidharth and Shehnaaz had gotten themselves entangled in wrong web.If it were even possible , then at least this was not the time of talking to Sidharth. He had completely blocked his head ,and it would be only after he lets go of his rage ,that sense could be pushed into him.
Well with Sidharth that was not the only thing that had gotten to him ,Shehnaaz had not only behaved bluntly, but also raised questions on his upbringing.She had no work doing that .He wasn't her child ,she did not know how and in what circumstances he had been raised.But she had chosen to comment ,she had raised questions over his mother ,father and Sisters.Well as a matter of fact, Sidahrth indeed had very supportive loving home ,but Shehnaaz had corrupted that thought in his head.She had raised questions exactly where he would not tolerate. Had it been anyone else,the rage that had boiled Sidharth down ,could have burned the other person.He had never been easy on any one raising questions on his family , he had almost all times being animalistic with them ,but Shehnaaz dragging his mother ,the one whom she used to address as ma ,had really gotten to his nerves.Their was no forgiveness to this,even if she apologized.
"Chal on the way ice cream kha te hai...",Bose told Shehnaaz. Though she wasn't showing ,but the entire tamasha had her disturbed.And going by the past records Shehnaaz had ,a disturbed Shehnaaz wasn't good.Therefore ,her friends were just being there for, ofcourse they couldn't do much ,she still had not given them enough keys to her soul ,but they were constantly just being there.Neither questioning nor expecting answers. They just knew ,they could judge less and laugh more at the situation ,while being there fir her.
Shehnaaz reached her apartment back by late evening. It wasn't exactly where she would spend most of her time over past few months. The other apartment on the same floor had been more of a home to her, but it wasn't. She had it all wrong.Things are not yours till they are truly yours.And her recent experiences at life had shown her this.She had always been a self reliant human. She never really had gotten a chance to a life that would have let her depend on other people. Ever since she had been a little girl ,she was again and again put through one after other thing that left an impression of being self reliant.Not only was she self reliant in material terms, but she had grown into a woman who never depended on anyone for emotional support as well.But then ,all of a sudden Sidharth had walked into her life.He had challenged every possible distance she had maintained from emotions. His mother had loved her like her own , giving her the warmth a real love could give.But it had all been thrown into the trash can .When the moments came ,blood had been proven to be thicker than water.
She cooked some dinner ,switched on Netflix and talked to her family.Her mind in some far corner of it wanted the warmth that Sidharth had provided ,but he was too far away for now.Maybe there wasnt going to be any warmth between them any more.Any ways ,Shehnaaz had always been a girl to sleep at the thermostat temperature of 16 degree.To her the cold of December had always felt like a blanket of warmth , it had felt like blood.She quickly did the dishes and walked over her apartment, checking the latch at the door, and then switching off the lights.She walked over to the laundry basket ,pulling out a used t shirt ,throwing it on the investor whose indication light was the only light that shone in the apartment. She was naturally a creature of darkness,it had forever been comforting .She walked to her room ,picking her sipper from the table she walked to the balcony. It was the same balcony that had seen Sidharth and Shehnaaz talk for the first time ,bond for the first time,and kiss for the first time.It was a witness to them being brought together, and now that the time of separation had arrived it was almost ceremoniously essential that it be witness to the last day that had seen Sidharth and Shehnaaz together.
A dread of long lasting night was going to engulf them? She covered herself in the quilt as she felt sleepy.Deep in the dread of night ,was a destiny ready to unfold.Shehnaaz was surely someone who shone with resilience and strength,but cold and deadly at the same time.She had experienced so much in such a short span of time ,that even she had failed to understand the thing that she had become.She was this loving ,giving woman ,who at times would even fall short of loving herself, let alone love others.This was one of those moments. It was difficult to comprehend and point to one particular thing that had made her this!Was it pain?Anguish? Or the loss of loved ones?What was that had kept her going all along?Despite all flaws she had, she was still a soul who just wanted to love.
She had seen an endless amount of nights that had soaked her pillows, a lifetime of shoulders burdened with lessons that had made her far wiser than her years. She had enough experiences for generations to come.was it the same fire that had warmed her heart to love ,turned her into a cold ash as well.?was it really true that no one could reach a stage of rationality without destroying something in them.!
