I am in love with you Sidharth...its crazy...but I am ....i can't make any sense of it....i don't love you...i don't by choice....but i am in love with you....like a compulsion my heart is making me do it....i am scared of it...the reckless emotions....they are driving me crazy....pta nahi...what makes sense....is it even right or not....aap se kya expect karu....kuch nahi pta....but i know this....its so powerful...the love I feel for you....like I could make stars move...."
He looked at her, hair alomst messed up falling on her face,her eyes were raw,just like her confession. He could look at them and sink deeper.It was a truth ,her eyes were hollow, like death ,but today he saw the real reason to that hollowness ,she would let all her emotions come to rest in her eyes.There was no twinkle,they mention in romance novels in those,but something different, the acceptance. Like she had accepted him ,them and more than that herself, for feeling for him.
"Shehnaaz....",these words left his mouth after he was done looking at her face.His hands reached to her face ,the fingers traced the lines of her eyes ,like he was being pulled into them.She did not close her eyes as he did so,she looked back at him.
"Baby...",he wanted to continent further ,but words failed him,He wanted to tell her the same ,but he could not.
She smiled ,awfully beautifully.Her lowered curved inwards on her teeth, as she the upper teeth grasped them.Sidarth wanted words ,but he had never been a man of words .Before he could move his lips and tongue into words,Shehnaaz placed her fingers over his mouth.
"Shh....dont say a word....don't confess any thing ...plzzz....let me love you in poetry.....let me love in books ,in stars ,in pain and agony.I have never been in love ,sidharth. Let me be in love....don't confess and scare me away....please.",tears of fear and trauma rolled down her cheeks.
"Bacche...kya hua....Shehnaaz look at me.",he said raising her chin up.His eyes spoke everything,his heart new the details,he was in love with her, but his logical brain denied.Sidarth shukla had never been capable of loving like this.What ever bond ,he and Shehnaaz shared ,was out of ordinary, it could not last ,it could not be true,his head reasoned.
Shehnaaz had commitment phobias,she was scared his confession would scare her.Her heart knew of the love Sidharth had for her ,but sje did nit want words,the nature had always cursed its evil eye and she wanted to hide her love ,his love their live,even from nature
Shehnaaz tilted her head an angle, closing her eyes ,she leaned forward .Her eyes were shut tight ,but she looked into him ,patting her two fingers at her lips,that were drawn into a majestic smile.A slight chukle left his mouth ,it was only Shehnaaz in the entire world who would demand a kiss like that.
"Moh khol moti....",Sidharth spoke ,before he let his lips touch hers.She held his face in her hands,"Shh....mai karugi...",she said.
She held on to his lips as she planted a slow ,soft tender kiss at his lips.leav8ng his lips,She looked at him..."aise hi....softly ",she said.Sidarth did as she demanded.,a soft kiss that felt at their souls.She was surely a poetess at spirit world he thought.
Her hands moved to grasp him stronger ,as her lips moved down .She planted kisses trailing down his face ,along the jaw ,down the neck. Sidharth felft her move over his lap.A primal instanct ran down him,he held her tighter ,kissing her strongly boldly this time planting deeper kisses.Suddenly he felt himself wanting more of her,two years of absistence, made him urgent. He went down lower her neck planting soft and deep kisses.She was soft and smelled of vanilla,he couldn't get enough of her.while going down her cleavage ,he panted a kiss and she arched back.The gold pendant that,lay on her cleavage went into his mouth ,he bit her there ,she let out a whimper ,he separated to have a look at her face.Their eyes met,she looked at him ,horror struck her .She looked like someone had slapped her across the face.
"Sidharth...",she palced her arm at his chest.He left her pendant from his mouth .Tears formed in her eyes ,threatening to roll down.
"Hey....did I hurt you...lagi kya bby...i m so sorry ....i didn't know it was harsh.",he said thinking the bite had hurt her.
"No...no....fuck ....i am so sorry .....Sidahrth I am so sorry....you didn't do anything....please don't blame yourself."
Shehnaaz had felt choked ,the moment she saw her pendant in his mouth.It was a gift to her, by her now dead husband given to her on her wedding .She felt guilt Crawl up.What had she done? This was her haunting for a life....no matter what and where she goes,his death would haunt her.
"Yrr ...aap jate hue meko drop kardo ge?",she asked Sidharth.
"Kaha...",Sidahrth asked.
"Kal bhi hospital nahi gyi...aaj bhi nahi....so i will have to go for night duty.....compensation...you see "
She was sitting next to passenger seat ,as he drove the car.
"Shehnaaz...do you want to say something...",he asked seeing her steal glances of him.
"I m sorry ...woh I didn't want to cry...i.."
"Shehnaaz you have taken that chain off...kyu?",he asked straight faced.Sidarth was an extremely intuitive and intelligent guy.He had not taken a second to realize that she had cried out of guilt.And a part of him was glad of it ,she was a woman with character ,a strong character, her heart child like.
"You knew?",she asked.
He did not reply,he wanted her side of story.
"Sidharth...woh pendant...Harinder ne dia tha... as a wedding gift...muh dikhai ka ritual hota h hum log me....you know...jab...",she hesitated.
"Hmm.."
"Sidharth hum do k beech....kabhi kuch hua nahi...but woh gift tha....jab maine aaj usko...waise dekha....meko laga mai aapko cheat kar rahi hu...by letting you in without the full story....so .."
Sidharth hated everybit that tied her to Harinder;but he was her reality ,a dead man was more a reality of the widow Shehnaaz than a real living person ,Sidahrth;but that was true both legally and socially.
"Sidahrth...mai apne aap ko aap pe thop toh nahi rahi na....i not bombing you into this na?",Shehnaaz was scared, he was a bachelor and she a widow.She had to be scared ,in a normal world ,bachelors don't keep widows.
"Sana...bby....tune confess kia na jo...i would not say ki mai wahi feel karta hu...honestly pata bhi nahi...but agr tu nahi h...toh koi nahi hogi....ypu make me fly in skies and drown in oceans.Tere saath ...i have started growing so much.I have strated seeing things differently, deeply and happily. Tu mere liye...jo Shehnaaz hai na...usne mujhe woh sab sikha dia...jo meri soul ko nahi pata tha....like you have met to teach me all that your soul knows...and it knows how to love."
They reached her hospital, she was about to get out of car ,when he held her back, pulling her closer.
"Pink suits you so much....n you look bewitching,", he said tracing jis hands on her lips, that were slightly swollen.
He kissed her over them ,slightly, a feathery kiss.
She blushed ,keeping her eyes to floor.It was a new sensation. She felt sprouts of light entering her where ever her skin would come in contact with his.
"Chal ja...waise teko is blush ka bhi physiological mechanism pta hoga na."he teased.
"Try me Sidahrth...aur bhi physiological mechanism pta h.",she spoke as she got out of car.
"I love you bol k ja...",he called from car.
She looked back at him,eyes wide.
"Kya....mujhe mana kia confess karne se...apna toh deal done kar.",he teased as she rolled her eyes before rushing towards the door to hospital
Sidahrth was man of 38, but his heart flutterd at an ecg of a child.She was in love with him and he felt the stars mive in joy.True, love doesn't happen every time,it happens only once ,and his once was happening. He knew one thing for sure, what ever they write in poems and books, falls short ,love is a state of bliss ,like a high , a real high....it makes you experience buoyancy.Shhehnaaz was his high.
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I write for happiness .
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