....meri Shehnaaz ki cost pe nahi!"
"I m so sorry ....so so sorry Sidharth....mai teko lead on kar rahi hu na...at a time jab I am myself so out of palce, so out of sync,...mai teko lead on kar k....i m doing so wrong!"
"Nahi bba mai bola kya....tu nahi kar rahi kuch....mera sabse accha time spend hota h na ...tere saath hota h....jo by chance nhi ho raha...ya because tu meko lead on kar rahi h......meko bhi achha lagta h...", he spoke holding her face ,while he gripped her firmly on his lap.
"Siddharth I m mess right now....jo jo mere paas hota h....woh sab dur chale jate h.....",she spoke trying to get out of his hold.
Things that are held by a stitch don't last forever. Shehnaaz had held herself by a stitch.She weak ,vulnerable and tired of being too strong for too long. The strength of hers that others would so much admire, came at a a price much higher than anticipated, she was herself the price.The things that made way to the top were a tip of iceberg.She had too many too deep rooted issues.Like many a time when her masi told her that she was deep,Shehnaaz joked and said,"mere andar toh pataal h!".They weren't words ,they were her reality.
Her breathing pattern changed ,she felt short of breath.She couldn't make sense of anything, getting out his grip,she walked away till she hit the ground.
"Siddharth...jao yaha se....look at me..this is what I bring to the table....why do u want to be spent in this?",she asked as tere drenched her face.Her face was barren of any makeup, dark circles under her eyes ,spoke of her.
Sidharth walked to her, slowly he sat near her ,his hand extended and fingers Gently wiper all the tears. Both of them had a pain from ages to sooth.
The fingers did the work ,as she looked at him,he was a distant light at the end of a tunnel.
"Tujhe jabse mila hu....i have become a better version of myself....tu mess h ,Shehnaaz?.tune mujhe dekha bhi h kabhi...kisi ko bhi pooch le....every one would sayb I will be toxic to u...even my family....par tune mujhe waise nahin dekha....toh i was drawn to you,to your strength and weaknesses alike ,sana .....tu mere liye ....ocean ka lighy house h .....i can get out of the mess I was into....kyu tu h....toh tu mess kaisi bba.,tera jo bhi h....sab tere hai....toh jo teko apna bole uski deal h....ki woh tere darkness ko bhi apna bole......bby agr tere life inti kutti na rahi hoti...ya meri bhi....toh hum log ....would have been different people jo....maybe wouldn't have recognized each other.......This",he said pointing his finger to her head, "tricks you....makes u gulp oceans of fear ,this is also what makes you so beautiful and kind ."
Words Don't do magic ,they are just words.But the manner in which they are said ,the tone and the eyes that speak them make a difference. This was them, they could have been anything, but they had to be this and they had to find each other. His words were effective ,he was a sage speaking giving her assurance of forever in his way and that made her okay.She felt okay,and laid her head on his arm .He was stronger, at least physically and she felt safe.
"Sidharth....jo hum h ....woh galat nahi na?"
"Tujhe kya lagta h...?"
"Darr! I m scared ki koi kuch Ganda na bole isko....sacchi!"
She pinched her neck while holding his hand .No matter what she was still a girl more than a decade younger to her and he wanted to love her,cherish her and adore her.
"Teko ganda lagta h kya?"
"Nahi!",she said quickly,"sau lage ....maine aisa nhi bola!"
He smiled broadly,he knew he was gone for good and this little girl was the reason ,and he couldn't have been happier .He moved his forehead forward,till it touched her's.Her heart felt lighter at the proximity, she forgot to breathe. From the corner of her nearly closed eyes , she could see Sidharth, eyes closed smiling, he had the best smile ,she agreed.
"Shehnaaz!",he called out....
"Huh!',she barely managed to speak.The closeness ,could make her run .
"What r you doing to me?",he asked.
The question had no answer,they both knew. Their logics could not decipher the algorithms , stars were made to write,because them,two stars of universe were once again meeting on earth. Since the time, they had separated in some older story , all algebra was done to make them meet again, their density was the writing of their own love from some other story ,and it had just began to unfold.
She inched closer, her lips brushing his,she tried to say something but only "Siddharth ",came as a soft purr.She could feel herself falling apart ,only this time, it felt so right, so necessary. Sidharth moved forward and held her lower lip between his,and gently moved along it ,till she reciprocated. Her hand went to hold his face as she moved herself further into him.He gripped her over her neck with one hand ,while the other held her by waist.Sidharth could see the stars with his closed eyes, he could see all, time,static ,today tomorrow and past...just the way it was; non linear.Shehnaaz and him,formed or formless ,were always this. Her hands moved from his face to hair as gripped them strongly while Sidharth deepened the kiss.His hand left her waist and roamed above,over her back ,softly caressing her.
"Sidharth!'",she fliched ,when his hands found way to touch the softness of her chest. Sidharth instantly backed off, he left her maybe it was too early for her.
"I m sorry....so sorry...i did...",he was about to say when Shehnaaz looked at him.Shehnaaz knocked back to senses ,realized that she may have scared sidharth.
"No ...i mean....i don't know..." , she felt short of words..."I did not mean that!"she said.
"Na bba its ok....aaja",he said as he tried getting up and taking her along.
She held back,holding his hand tighter,she shook her hand while looking at him.He watched her ,as she took his hand ,while keeping the eyes fixed on him ,she placed his hand over her bosom ,pressing it slightly she closed her eyes.
"Bby its alright...u don't have to do this for me!"
" I know Sidharth, but I want this, you holding me ..all places forbidden. "
She moved her head forward as she joined their lips.They deepened the kiss as their hands explored each other.Her hands went to the hem of hid t shirt and she pulled it out.Separating ,she looked at him ,smiled ,her hands traced him .There was a scar just below his chest ,she touched it tenderly.He raised her hand up and kissed it,she looekd up and blushed. He brought her up closer as he dug his face into crook of her neck
"We are doomed Shehnaaz!",he said before kissing her again.
