Chronicle of the Wingless Fairy | taegyu

Chapter 20: The Rain

It has been three weeks, almost a month, since the Queen had passed and since then, no one has seen or heard from Taehyun. He was just existing alone in his chamber with his thoughts, unresolved feelings, and grief. How to deal with them? He isn't sure of.

Beomgyu thought that Taehyun was already slipping away from everyone, even though he hasn't held him yet. The distance that the general have kept left everyone in great misery and discomfort. With their General driven away after the late Queen's memorial ceremonies, no one had led the kingdom. Not even General Kang's right hand.

Taehyun was unreachable; his chamber was either dead silent or you would hear his sobs through the door. Beomgyu couldn't even do anything to help as much as he wanted to. The general kept his door closed and walls built high. Beomgyu didn't want to invade the space that Taehyun had created for himself.

The feeling and excitement of being alone is now something Beomgyu fears and despises so much. These days, when he was all by himself, he thought about... Bad things. Ending the line of his life in a bathtub, drawing a streak of red lines onto his wrists; he had been a time ticking bomb. None around the palace have spoken a word, and he can't bear to see each day like this where everyone is just breathing to live.

Yeonjun was gone and had been in the Hearths. Taehyun wouldn't let anyone in through his door. No one was there to be there for one.

Taehyun feels that the grief he felt inside of him is now a part of his whole and now an emblem that makes him up. It hurts to know that he will have to concede from the feeling of grief and move forward. Having to experience this and coming to terms that this feeling will reach its pinnacle and flee away because that's just what you're supposed to do — Some will come, some will go.

The day Taehyun disconnected himself from everyone, Beomgyu worried as he discerned. Taehyun lost his mother, and not one would be able to recover so easily from the pain of loss and agony. What Taehyun did after her passing isn't the worst that he could have done.

But what Beomgyu hates and feels guilty over? It's the recurring sensation of yearning and the weakness of not having been able to see Taehyun to make fun of him for how he acts like an idiot. Everyone's been mourning, but he wishes for Taehyun to not be alone in the process now.

He cares for Taehyun, and it's been really complicated for him to know what to say or what to do. The idea in him that Taehyun is struggling with a myriad of intense and painful emotions, enclosing his sorrow, anger, guilt, and profound despair— all by himself. What if the general feels isolated and alone in his grief, with the intense pain and difficult emotions taking over what there is he could put up with?

Beomgyu's all been afraid of intruding his space, saying the wrong thing and make him feel even worse at such an arduous time. He supposes that there's little he can do to make him feel better. But what if being alone isn't what Taehyun needs?

He feels horrible.

He scorns that he had admitted some things to himself. He hates that he misses Taehyun's laugh, his smile, his voice (even though they speak nonsense at most times), his eyes and the way they smile too, and the way Taehyun talks about his combat and how he's so "good" at it. How he's passionate about everything he does, how he was always there to distract Beomgyu from the cracks in the lens of his eyes. How could he take those for granted?

How could he even forget Taehyun? How could he not look for his snarky remarks, his lips... Especially his lips.

Their lips have only touched once, and that alone kept Beomgyu up all night. How could he not?

Because if Beomgyu was being honest, he did find Taehyun cute the minute he saw him. His uniform, the badges, and the sword hanging on his back — these weren't enough to make Taehyun look intimidating to him. Although he'd admit, he hated that Taehyun was a general. And hell, he lied so bad when he said that if Taehyun wasn't a general, he'd curse at him. "If you weren't a general, I would have pinned you against the wall and kissed you." — That's what he wanted to mumble. But of course, he didn't know that it was what he preferred to say.