Rendezvous

fifty-three | muse

Part I - Muse

June 23

10:19 p.m.

A: don't wait up im gonna be late
A: i love you

I shoot Lana a text before I look back up at Mac. Today was the last day of paperwork before we officially terminate Mac's case.

With this case specifically, I haven't been physically present because of obvious reasons. But I still gave it my all, and cleared up his record in a surprisingly short period of time.

I still go to therapy, three times a month now. I had revealed new things to him, and we were heading to a completely different direction, that require new changes. He basically told me I wasn't stable.

unstable to in be a relationship

If he had told me that a few months ago, I would've laughed. Because the only thing that's keeping me stable is having to go back home to her.

But now, I don't find it humorous. How could I be with someone I couldn't tell the things that have been currently eating me alive.

i wasn't ready

Lana and I aren't in the best place right now, even when I tired everything in my power to make her birthday special. Every conversation would turn into an argument, we just haven't been...ourselves for a while now.

June 24

"Oh, so now it's my fault?" she asks followed with a scoff as she starts getting dressed.

"I didn't say tha–where are you going?" I ask, irritation still very much evident.

"To the penthouse," she says as she grabs her phone and keys.

"This isn't how you deal with a fight!" I say as she walks toward the front door.

"I'm not fighting with you anymore," Lana says, her tone sharp as she opens the door and shuts it harshly behind her.

"Fucking hell!" I cuss as I throw my phone harshly on the bed, feeling rage course through me.

I have no idea whether I was mad at Lana for not being understanding or at myself for not being able to get my point across, by not being completely honest with her.

we lost our communication

Lana never came back to our apartment after that night. It's been seven nights. Seven nights since she's taken any of my calls. Seven nights since I've last heard her voice.

seven nights seems so long ago

Our conflict has turned into more than just agreeing to disagree, that even our friends have been hanging out without us.

i don't blame them

July 1

After the case was resolved, Mac had invited us all to the long-awaited exhibition of his murals in Kohn Gallery.

"What if he's right," I tell Jay after she brought up the subject while we drank champagne by the cocktail table. "What if I'm not ready to be in a relationship?"

"Therapy is always hard on relationships, Allie, but you should talk to her about it. Communicate."

because that's been going so well

"She's not listening! She's always picking fights before even hearing me out," I explain. "Besides. What am I supposed to tell her? 'oh hi babe, my therapist doesn't think I'm ready to be in relationship, nothing personal but I think we should break up'."