Rendezvous

thirty-one | dubiety

Part I - Dubiety

August 5

2:36 p.m. | Law Firm, San Francisco

"Alina, Alina, Alina," Dean Hanover sighed as he scrolls through his computer. "I received your resignation, and while I understand the reasons for your decision, I'd like to chat with you informally concerning your reasoning."

"To be totally truthful," I say as I straighten myself in my chair.  "I never saw beyond the nine months that were offered to me."

"I see," As he returns his gaze to the monitor, he adds. "In your letter, you stated that you wish to return to Los Angeles to finalize your studies."

"I had one course remaining when I was offered this position, and I'd like to go back and receive my diploma," I say emphatically.

"What if I told you that I could have your diploma ready for you first thing tomorrow morning?" he offers, a little unexpectedly.

"Look," he adds, his fingers intertwined on the table. "I won't compel you to stay, but I'm certain I could provide you something to encourage you to do so. Because I know you're extremely passionate about your profession, and I value that about you. I'm willing to go to tremendous lengths just to show you the greatness you can achieve when presented with the right opportunity."

"I'm incredibly thankful for your confidence in me," I respond. "But I don't think San Francisco is where I want to be at this point in my life. I want to explore my options before choosing to settle in a place permanently."

"I understand," he adds, nodding in agreement. "You've shown yourself to be capable of making sensible judgments on several occasions, and if you don't think San Francisco is working for you, I'll personally accompany you back to Los Angeles," He states. "Did you notice that you never provided a reason that wasn't tied to work?" He chuckles, trying to make me feel more at ease.

"My entire life is back in Los Angeles," I admitted openly with a little smile, and he smiled and nodded. "Leaving was more bearable knowing I'd be back home to my friends after the nine months are over."

"Do you consider your friends as family?" He asks, trying to study my facial expressions.

He has a double major in Psychology and Law, so he automatically turns every conversation into a therapy session.

"They're the only family I have left," I respond, feeling chills form on my skin. "All I want is to be close to them, and I know I should constantly prioritize my future and-"

"Let me stop you right there," He says interrupting me. "Prioritizing your family is your future, Alina. Don't let the prospect of work pull you away from what keeps you going every day. Seeing as though you're willing to go back and leave all of this just to be with them shows how much compassion you carry, and that will be your future, what will drive you to success. Support is what keeps us going as humans; we use the support we've had as leverage in the future," he says firmly. "You need your family to thrive, and I will not stand in the way of your support system, I want the best for you and I've realized that working here is no longer what you need."

what was my support system?

"I guess I never contemplated what the leverage could be," I remark, my face flushed with perplexity.

"It may not appear to be direct support," he adds. "But there's something you're holding onto that keeps you going; you know what it is deep inside, but you can't see it when you look down at your hands."

"What if I never find out?" I inquire, the fear of the unknown mounting inside of me.

what if I can't make that deep connection with myself?