Silence

7

I think we're friends now. Louis, Niall, and I. I don't want to ask them. Who does that? I don't want to assume either. I'm just anxiously waiting for the day they grow tired of my silence.

Three weeks have gone by since that Saturday lunch at the pub. I don't dread going to work anymore. Louis is there, smiling, handing me coffee, making me feel like I belong in this world.

He's not the only one who talks to me nowadays. Some of our coworkers talk to me too. Louis is always by my side, being my voice. It's silly but I feel like we're having a connection. A secret language. A bond through our hands. It doesn't help that he's absolutely breathtaking. Stunning. Beautiful. A gorgeous human being. Inside and out. I know that love isn't for me but I can love from a distance. My own secret.

I'm reconnecting with Niall as well. Louis told him what happened to me. It was awkward for a moment. Niall didn't know what to say when he met me after that. He just kept repeating "I'm sorry, Harry. Awful. Oh, God. Your family. I'm sorry, Harry."

I still don't want to talk about it. Louis understands. He tells Niall to change the conversation. He does but he's giving me glances. His way of looking at me has changed. He feels sorry for me. I don't like that. Will he always look at me like that from now on? I hope not.

I have something of a social life. Friends. It's hard to grasp. A bit scary. I can't go back from this. If they decide that they don't want to be my friend. How do I go back to how it was before?

Mostly Louis and I spend time together. At work. After work. Just the two of us. Eat together. I get to practice my culinary skills on someone else than myself. It's exciting.

The thing is that with Louis I'm not silent anymore. I don't talk, of course I don't talk. But he draws sounds out of me. Giggles. Laughs. He's funny. Likes to entertain.

Before even my occasional laughs were silent. I just made a weird face, laughing without sound. Not anymore. Louis makes me laugh. Loudly. Until my tummy hurts and I have to gasp for air. He makes me happy. Such an unfamiliar feeling.

We're at my place. We're usually here. It's my safe haven. Where I feel most comfortable. I think he has picked up on that. He's so intuitive. Sensitive. Wonderful.

We're having a lazy Sunday in front of the tv. There's a movie playing but we're not paying attention. We talk. Or he does. I sign. He does too. It's his way of making us feel like equals. I love that about him.

He's telling me a story. Everything about him comes alive. His voice. His face. His hands. I listen. Smile. We're sitting close together. He's always invading my personal space. I like that. With him. No one else.
"And that's when I realize that I was stark naked."

I giggle. He lights up.
"In front of half the school! My most embarrassing moment. So, tell me yours."

"My most embarrassing moment?" I sign.

"Yeah. I just told you mine!" He grins.

I have to think about it. I know but I'm a little nervous to share. I don't know how his reaction will be. I decide to trust him. Unfamiliar feeling.
"The way I came out to my mum was super embarrassing." I sign.

A hint of a smile. Nothing more.
"Okay? I'm intrigued."

"She caught me in the middle of the act with my first boyfriend." I tell him, hands moving quickly.

He gasps. Looks horrified.
"Oh crap! Like, while you were in the middle of doing it?"

"Yes, or him doing me more like it." I reveal.

He stares at me and then he burst out in a loud cackle. I join him.
"Oh man, that's not a vision you want your parents to see. I hope she took it well though, like, not that maybe but that you were with a guy."

"She was very supportive." I say. Smile sadly. I miss her.

Louis must have sensed my mood change. He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me in. I rest my head on his chest.
"I find it hard to talk about me mum too, you know? It makes me miss her even more. But I think it's important to talk about them, moments like these. It's a good memory. Hang on to those. I don't know how you feel but I want to remember me mum."

I nod my head. I do want to remember her. We sit like that for a while. It's nice. We're two different people, different personalities. Different experiences. I realize that we're not that different after all. A new poem forms in my head. I hope I will remember it later so I can write it down in my notebook.

Fine line

There isn't much difference
Between a pigeon and a hummingbird
If you really think about it
Yet they will never be the same
People are like that too
Made all the same
yet all so unique
Each one different from the other

Some are pigeons
Some hummingbirds
It's a fine line
Good and bad blur together
After all, appearances can be deceiving
And the hero can be a bad person too

The constant clicking
of the pen on a paper
My mind wandering
In search of inspiration
Stumbling across those blue eyes
And maybe
Just maybe, we'll be alright