Silence

15

Doris and Ernie wake us up the next morning by running into Louis' room and jumping on us. Louis sits up and tickles them. They're screaming with laughter. I just watch them with a fond smile on display. I love kids.

Watching Louis with his younger siblings gives me a hint of what our future could look like. If we ever got together. If we decided to have kids. I think my heart will burst from just the dreamy idea of a future like that. A future I had dismissed for myself. One I have refused to let myself think about. Hope for. I thought that I would never have that. Now it's suddenly something that's not entirely unthinkable anymore. It's scary but wonderful. So wonderful.

Doris smiles at me and raises her arms, asking for a hug. I gently hug her.
"Good morning, Harry."

I smile and bop her nose. She giggles. Dan knocks on the door.
"Are you decent?"

Louis rolls his eyes for me to see. Amused.
"Sort of."

Dan pokes his head inside.
"So this is where you've been hiding? Doris, Ernie, please go downstairs. You two, please get dressed. Breakfast is ready."

Ernie and Doris get up from the bed and run out of the room. Dan closes the door behind them. Louis graces my hand to get my attention.
"Did you have a good night's sleep?" He asks.

"Yes. You?" I sign.

"Yep." He says. Yawns. Stretches his arms over his head. "We better get out of bed before Dan sends the older twins after us. They would giggle the whole day for seeing us half-naked in bed together." He chuckles.

My earlobes turn pink. I know they do. I can almost feel it. I love how casual he is about it. I watch as he swings his legs over the edge and gets up. I can't help checking him out. He's beautiful. Every inch of him. His hair is messy. His eyes hooded. Gorgeous.
"Are you just gonna stare at me or are you getting out of bed anytime soon?" He asks. Smirks.

I blush. Giggle. Get out of bed. He gives me a once over. Soft smile. Hot.
We take turns in the bathroom before we get dressed. Everyone is already sitting around the kitchen table when we walk downstairs to join them. I listen to the conversations as I eat my breakfast. They're close. I can tell. I like Louis' family a lot. Stings my heart a little since they remind me of the one I lost.

I help clear the table when we're done. Load the dishwasher. Louis and I are working side by side. Intimate smiles shared between us. Afterward, we sit in the living room. Play Monopoly with his siblings.

Louis offers to make lunch. Everyone protests. He looks offended and I laugh. I quickly sign that I can help him. He nods his head. Smiles. My heart stops.

We go to the kitchen. I do most of the cooking. Louis mostly messes it up. It just makes me laugh. I'm in a good mood today. Happy. I have to stop chopping vegetables for a second. Take it all in. I'm happy. I can't stop smiling.

Everyone joins us as Louis shouts "Lunch is ready!"

I'm a little anxious. Did I use too much salt? Overcooked the pasta? I glance around the table as they all eat the food that I prepared ( with a little help from Louis). They smile. Give me the thumbs up.
"This is great! Thanks, Harry." Dan compliments.

I let out a breath of relief. I can finally taste the food myself. It's good. They talk and joke throughout lunch and I just enjoy being in their company.

Afterward, Louis suggests that we'll go for a walk by ourselves and I agree. His family is lovely but I'm not used to being surrounded by so many people at the same time. At least not people who want me to feel included.

We put on our shoes and jackets and head out. The air is fresh. I take a deep breath. He takes my hand. We walk around the block. He tells me stories from his childhood. We end up at a playground. He points at some swings and we walk over. I take a seat and he starts to push me. Higher and higher. My stomach tickles. I feel like I can touch the sky. Free. I laugh.

He stops the swing and spins me around so we're facing each other. He cups my face with both hands. Brushes his thumbs on my cheekbones. I hold my breath. He comes closer. Leans in. I meet him halfway. Soft lips against mine. I let out a small gasp. He slips his tongue inside my mouth. Kisses me softly. I almost tear up. It's the perfect first kiss. Soft. Fire underneath. Makes my head spin. Rapid heartbeats. Goosebumps.

He ends the kiss. Looks me in the eyes. Smiles.
"That was perfect."

I nod my head. Showing my dimples. He pecks my lips one last time before he lets go of me. Takes my hand instead and helps me off the swing. I feel like I'm walking on clouds. Dancing. Jumping. On the inside. He kissed me. He kissed me.

We return to his family home. Spend one last hour with his family before we have to head back to London. His sisters are pouting.
"Do you have to go already?" Phoebe whines.

"We have work tomorrow. I'm sorry guys. You know you're always welcome to visit? Maybe we can plan for you to take a trip to London soon?" Louis replies.

"Shopping!" Phoebe and Daisy shout at the same time.

I stand in the back watching their interaction. Louis hugs them all. I'm surprised when all of his siblings hug me next. I'm moved. Happy. They approve of me. Even if I'm a weirdo who doesn't speak.

Dan says goodbye as well and we pick up our overnight bags and walk out to the car. As soon as we're seated I turn to Louis.
"Your family is wonderful."

"They're the best and you know what? They like you." He says with a grin.

I smile. Sign.
"I like them too."

I stare out the window as Louis begins the drive back to London. This weekend has been a turmoil of emotions. Seeing my old house. Meeting Louis' family. The kiss.

I make up a new poem as I rest my head against the window. I haven't written poems in a while. I haven't felt the need to. Now I need to sort things out. Quietly in my head.

Sign of the times

The topic I've always tried to ignore
is my only thought
as I stare at a blank page
of my worn out notebook
and I think that after all
It might not be my fault

He rescued me
Saved me from myself
He became my light
when all I saw was dark
Brought me to his home
Introduced me to his friends
Kissed me on a swing
on the playground's grass

And maybe this is it
Maybe it's the end
And hopefully I won't get lost again
inside my head
But please love, don't cry
Don't you become sad
It's a sign of the times
The way he holds my hand

I'm tired. Too many impressions. I fall asleep with my head against the window.