It's like a dam bursting. A plug pulled out from a bottle. In the days that follow I say more and more until I can't stop talking and Louis' ears must fall off soon from listening. Mostly I talk about him though. Give him compliments. He smiles. Compliments me back.
I'm still cautious. I don't feel ready to talk to anyone else. I still sign. Even when I talk. Habit. Hard to break.
I surprise my therapist on Monday. I talk to her. She actually starts to cry. She's happy for me. I owe her a lot. She has really helped me process my trauma. Given me the tools to cope. I'm still gonna see her. I think therapy is something I'll always need. My family is always gonna be a part of me, a wound that won't ever heal. I miss them every day. I will miss them for as long as I live. There will be good days and bad. That's okay.
I don't hum anymore while I play the guitar. I sing. Shaky at first. More confident with time. The love for music never left. It was just sleeping. Like me.
We tell the boys about us one Saturday at the pub. I tell them. Loudly. They all stare at me in shock. Niall was just about to drink his beer and now he's just pouring it on the table.
"For God's sake, Niall. You're making a mess!" Louis cackles.
"Shit!" He finds some napkins and tries to clean the table but then he stops and looks at me again.
"You really just talked. I didn't imagine that, right?"
"I talked." I confirm.
It's like they realize it at the same time. Suddenly they're all up on their feet. Hugging me. Cheering. Going out of their mind.
"This is amazing! Amazing!" Zayn shouts.
"Wonderful Harry!" Liam says.
"Wait, did you just say that you and Louis are a couple?" Niall gasps. Points between Louis and me.
"Yeah?" I say. Smile.
"Oh my fucking God! YES! I didn't hear what you said. Too shook to hear you speaking, mate." Niall grins.
"Yeah, me too." Liam laughs.
"Same." Zayn agrees.
Louis rolls his eyes at them. Smiles. Takes my hand. The boys coo.
"This calls for a double celebration! Shots!" Niall says and heads to the bar.
When we go home to my place later that night we're both drunk and giggly. Louis stays over. Drunken sex. I fall asleep in his arms.
I wake up with a hangover but that's secondary. I'm happy. Louis is holding me. Nuzzling my neck. Breathing hot air against my skin. Tickles. As I just lay there, caught in the moment, I realize that I haven't written any poems in months. Before, that was the only way I knew how to express myself. To process my bad dreams and feelings.
I never thought that I would get this far. That I would have this. An amazing man who loves me. Supports me. Someone I love with all my heart. Friends that would walk through fire for me. Liam, Zayn and Niall are such an important part of my life.
I never thought that I would escape the nightmares. Find my voice again. Have a future I'm excited about. All the steps with Louis. Moving in together. Getting married someday. Have kids. I can't wait but I'm in no rush. We have our whole lives ahead of us.
Now I just have to have a talk with my boss about my writing. Mr. Ferguson is retiring. He writes the entertainment section. New music, movies and stuff like that. I want to do that. I see a whole new angle to it. It's time to make it a little more modern. I'm gonna convince our boss to give me the section. I know I will. I have a whole new drive now. Confidence.
As I lay there listening to Louis' light snores, heart so full of love, I decide that I have to put my feeling on paper. I remove Louis' arm around my chest so I can reach for my old notebook on the nightstand. It's just been laying there. Collecting dust. I find a pen. Start to write.
Untitled
You have learnt my language
just to talk to me
You understood my heart
and made me strong when I was weak
I was trapped in my own mind
but you set me free
no one ever opened my cage
but you had the key
and for everything you do
I love him is all I think of
And even though we're different
and we'll never be the same
What our hearts are saying
doesn't need to be translated
"Good morning." He says behind me. Raspy morning voice. I jump. Surprised.
"Good morning." I turn my head and smile at him.
"Are you writing a poem?" He asks. Softly.
"Yeah." I confirm. Bite my lip.
"Can I hear it?" He wonders.
I hesitate. I never share my poems with anyone. They're personal. But this one I want him to hear. I want him to understand how much he has done for me. I read it. Out loud.
When I'm finished he reaches out. Pulls me in. Hugs me from behind. Kisses my cheek.
"Thank you. That was beautiful."
We spend a lazy Sunday in bed. Lazy perfect. We talk about the future.
"Is it too soon to move in together?" Louis asks.
"No. I'd love that." I beam.
He kisses me.
"Good. I don't want to be apart from you. Love you."
"I love you too." I say. Wrap my arms around his neck. Deepen the kiss.
I don't think that Louis understands how much he has done for me by just being there. Being him. Letting me love him. He helped me find my voice again. Myself. I love him. I'm gonna tell him that every day.
The End
YOU ARE READING
Silence
Fanfiction@RANDOM28lol contacted me with a story idea where they asked if they could write the poems in the story. I didn't feel like I could write the story they wanted me to but I asked them to send me one of the poems. The poem inspired me. ❤ So I sugges...
