After a month of therapy, I'm ready to jump in front of a train. I don't. But the thought crosses my mind more than once. How can reliving my trauma be the key to making me feel better?
Then I notice some results. I don't wake up screaming in the middle of the night from bad dreams that often anymore. The night it happens Louis is there to comfort me.
The day after my first session he rang my doorbell after work with a huge bag in his hand.
"I'm not going to let you do this alone. I'm staying with you until you're better. That's what friends are for." He states. Looks determined. I let him in.
He's been an absolute rock. He holds me when I need to cry. He makes me laugh in between. He comforts me when I wake up screaming. I love him.
I start to tell him stories about my family. Silly little memories. He's probably tired of me but he listens. Smiles. Asks questions. Every time. I love him.
The guys are a little confused about our living situation. We meet up for burgers one day after work.
"So what? You moved in together?" Niall asks, trying to sign as he speaks. He's making a lot of mistakes but I would never dream of correcting him. He's a wonderful person trying to learn sign language. They all are. Liam and Zayn are also trying.
"Temporarily. Don't make a big deal out of it." Louis says.
They share a look but they all leave it at that. I haven't told them about my therapy sessions. I'm not ready to share that yet. Only with Louis. I love him.
We head back to my place afterward. It feels more like our place now. I have given him wardrobe space. His toiletries are next to mine in the bathroom and he has even bought some fairy lights and hung them in the living room and the bedroom after asking me if it's okay. I know this is temporary. I wish it wasn't. I also thought that I would find it hard to share my space with someone after being by myself for so many years. It isn't.
He flops down on the sofa. Stretches his arms over his head.
"Wanna watch an episode of Game of Thrones?"
He introduced me to the series. Now we watch it almost every evening. It's good. I nod my head and take a seat next to him. He reaches for the remote control and turns on the tv. Throws an arm around my shoulder. I nuzzle closer.
We watch an episode. Louis is about to press play on the next one when I stop him.
"I need to talk to you about something." I sign.
He sits up and gives me my full attention.
"As you know I'm doing well in therapy. I'm processing my trauma and it's easier to talk about." I start off.
He watches my hands and smiles.
"I'm really proud of you."
"Thanks. There's something I feel like I need to do but I can't do it by myself." I continue.
"Is there something I can help you out with?" He asks. Sincere look on his face. I love him.
"Yeah, but only if you feel like it's something you would be able to do. You really don't have to." I sign. Stressing a little.
"What is it?" He wonders. Sounding impatient.
"I think I need to go back." I tell him.
"Back where?" His eyes widen when he understands. "Oh, your hometown?"
"My hometown. My old house. I looked it up. No one is living there. No one has lived there since my family was murdered. It belongs to the state. They're about to tear it down so if I want to go I have to do it now." I inform him.
"Alright. Of course, I'll go with you. When?" He asks.
"This weekend?" I suggest.
"Okay. I'll ask if we can borrow Niall's car." Louis suggests.
"Are you sure? You really don't have to go with me. It won't be pleasant." I sign.
He puts a hand on mine.
"Of course, I'll come with you. No question about it."
"You're great, you know that? I could never have done this without you. I'm so thankful that you came into my life. I've never had someone like you in my life before. I hope you know how much I cherish you, how much your friendship means to me." I sign. Blush a little.
He smiles. Pulls me in for a hug.
"That's like, the nicest thing someone ever said to me. And same, like, I'm glad to have you in my life too."
I secretly smell his aftershave and that scent that's just him before I pull away. He caresses my cheek briefly before he gets serious again.
"So, have you been there since it happened?"
"No. I haven't even visited their graves since the funeral." I silently admit. I feel bad about it. Shameful.
"Well, no one can really blame you for that, Harry." He says.
"I guess." I sign. Sigh.
"So Holmes Chapel, right? That's close to my hometown. Can I make a suggestion? Afterward, we can go and visit my siblings if you would be okay with that? I would really want them to meet you." He says.
My mouth falls open. He wants to introduce me to his family? That's special. It makes me a little nervous. What if they don't like me? Find me weird.
"I would love to meet them." I assure him.
"Great. We can stay the night. Drive back the next day?" He asks, sounding hopeful.
"Sure." I sign. Thankfully I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I need to discuss this with someone. Someone who isn't Louis for a change.
We watch another episode of Game of Thrones before we go to bed. I lay awake for a while. Thinking about what I'm gonna force myself to go through soon. Thank God Louis will come with me. I love him.
YOU ARE READING
Silence
Fanfiction@RANDOM28lol contacted me with a story idea where they asked if they could write the poems in the story. I didn't feel like I could write the story they wanted me to but I asked them to send me one of the poems. The poem inspired me. ❤ So I sugges...
