Because of You

Chapter 14: The Turtle

The August morning sun beats in through my window and wakes me up. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to read the time on my phone. It's seven A.M. I hear the front door close softly as my mom heads to work. Starting today, she has two weeks of in-service before school starts back up. Usually, I go up to the school with her to help out in her classroom. But not this year. This year I want to spend as much time with Hayden as possible before school starts back up.

Laying in my bed, cuddling with Minka, I think back to three years ago. I was going into eighth grade and Hayden was going into tenth. I was just a little girl back then. The day that we met seems like an entire lifetime ago. I'll never forget the feeling I had when I saw Hayden for the first time in his mom's classroom doorway. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and tell that little eight-grade girl that one day we would be in love.

I wonder if Hayden thought much of me that day. I wonder if he even remembers that day like I do. I chuckle aloud at the thought of Hayden not even knowing how that day changed my life. Even though I tell him everything, I haven't quite told him that I was secretly and desperately in love with him for two years before we even really knew each other. I want to, but I worry that he'll think I'm some crazy stalker that hypnotized him to fall in love with me. I know, it's ridiculous. But in all honesty, aside from the hypnotizing, it's a little true.

**

I feel like Mom has been a little bit better lately. She's been busy planning the upcoming school year, which always excites her. Since I finished my summer show at the end of July, we've been spending quite a bit of time choreographing new routines, planning costumes, and prepping for drill team auditions. And it's honestly been really good. Mom has actually engaged in good conversations with me, and more than that, she has been excited for the time we've been spending together. Of course, anytime that I'm away from Hayden feels like a waste of my time. But I have to admit, spending time with Mom and not being full of anxiety has been a nice change. Let's just hope it stays this way.

I'm super excited for drill team to start back up. I'm auditioning for captain again this year, which I know I'll get. There's just not anyone else in the school that's on my level. And Maggie is auditioning for co-captain! She's been working incredibly hard, and I really think she has a decent shot. We've been meeting up about twice a week to work on her audition piece, and she's made some serious improvement. She even asked me to choreograph the routine for her, which was so fun to do. I have a good feeling that this year, our team is going to dominate.

**

Hayden has been working a lot lately. He registered for his first full semester of college, and he'll be starting the week after I go back to school. He's taking fifteen hours this semester and plans on working about twenty hours a week. With all of that, plus me having schoolwork and dance, I know this year is going to be hard on us. Realistically, it's going to be tough to find time to spend together. And I can't lie, I'm nervous. The past three months have been so relaxed and fun, but it's time to get back to the real world. The thought of change makes my stomach queasy. What if it's too much for our relationship? What if we have to go weeks without seeing each other? What if Hayden decides I'm not worth it?

I try to brush off those haunting questions, but they continue to linger in the back of my mind. I wonder if Hayden feels nervous too.

And as if all of that wasn't enough, I'm starting to worry about life after high school. I mean, Hayden is staying here. And while nothing is certain yet, the only colleges Mom and I have discussed seriously are all out of state. Moving away from here has lost all appeal because of Hayden. I can't imagine my life without him, and I truly don't know that I could move so far away from him.

My stomach churns as I'm laying in bed. I don't want to start my day feeling overwhelmed and stressed about this, but at the same time, I have to face reality. I don't want to move away if Hayden is staying here. If he isn't coming with me, then I'm not going.