Because of You

Chapter 15: The Prisoner

It's five-thirty AM. Sitting in bed, I slowly sip my coffee and try to wrap my mind around the reality of today. Today I'm a junior. Normally, I would be thrilled at the fresh start of a new school year. New outfits, new school supplies, new dance routines, a new schedule, the smell of a clean school building, and endless opportunities. But not this year. This year I feel empty. This year the other part of me is gone. And I'm having a hard time accepting that.

Hayden's getting ready for his college classes to start up next week, and he's putting in a ton of hours at the store this week. Last night, while we were at dinner, he could tell I was dreading starting school without him.

"Bridgette," he said softly as he grabbed both of my hands from across the table. "It will be okay. I promise."

I keep replaying those words over and over in my mind as I get ready for the day. To help my anxiety, I put on a new, cute outfit. Ripped skinny jeans, black ankle boots, and an off the shoulder black tee shirt. I curl my mermaid hair and put on a little extra makeup than usual. I stare at myself in the mirror. I look good. I look grown up. But no matter how I look on the outside, the inside of me is crumbling.

**

I ride with Mom this morning, since Hayden is picking me up after school today. He said he wanted to cook me a nice dinner for my first day of junior year. Mom talks about drill team auditions almost the whole way to school. Auditions are this Friday, and I'm usually super excited. But honestly, I couldn't care less right now. I just can't seem to find dance important when the most important thing in my life won't be a part of it. But I listen to Mom ramble on and on. I nod, agree and mumble back at her to make it seem like I'm interested. But unfortunately, she notices the lack of enthusiasm.

"What's going on? You're acting weird," she asks with a slight rude intonation.

"Oh nothing. Just nervous for the first day I guess." I fake a smile and push back the tears.

"Don't be. So for your solo, I think you really need to tighten it up when..."

Her voice fades into the background as I stare at the windshield, trying to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

**

"Hi best friend!" Maggie squeals, as she runs up to my locker. Maggie is always the most peppy person on the planet for the first day of school. She's dressed up super cute; a floral sundress, sandals, and her hair straightened. She immediately starts telling me about how excited she is for dance auditions, and the updates she made to her solo. Her voice is loud and bubbly, so much so I wonder if the whole hallway is listening.

But she notices my depressed state. "Okay, wait. What happened? This is not the First Day Of School Brigette I know." She's looking at me seriously, with her eyes raised. I just want to bury myself in my locker.

I sigh heavily. "I'm sorry Maggie. Not trying to be a downer. But I'm just sad. About Hayden not being here. And worried about this year, you know? It's just going to be hard on us. Plus things with Mom have been a little tense."

I feel the tears welling up in my eyes, so I blink super fast and bite my lip. Maggie shifts gears into serious best friend mode. She helps me with my books, and puts her arm around me as we walk down the hallway.

"Listen Bri, you have every right to feel crappy. I don't blame you at all. And you know I'm always here if you just need to cry. But I know you and Hayden. You guys are really in love! If you think Hayden isn't going to do everything in his power to make sure y'all are good, then you're wrong. You will through this. I know it!"

Feeling grateful for Maggie, I exhale slowly and stop walking right in the middle of the hallway to hug her. "Thanks Maggie."

**