solar eclipse | jilix

pt. 13

bracing himself just in case jisung was in the apartment, felix knocked twice and slowly reached for the handle.
it opened without a key, jisung wasn't at the bar.

"i'm back... jisung?" felix called out. the situation seemed odd, the door was unlocked but the lights were off.

everything was dark, all except for dim light escaping from the bathroom.

felix didn't like the atmosphere, his gut told him something was amiss.

carefully treading towards the light, he slid past the half open door.

before him lay his dear friend. his glossy eyes seemed dull and lifeless.

jisung's practically unconscious body was propped up by the tub, an empty bottle of wine slipping through his fingers. as though right on cue, the bottle fell onto the floor, a millions glass shards crashing everywhere.

"shit!"

felix dove down on his knees, ignoring the sharp pain as glass scraped past his skin, some shards impaling parts of his knee. he didn't care, a few seconds later and jisung's head would've hit the glass covered ground.

shakily brushing off the fragments of glass in jisung's hair, felix sprung out curses and scoldings at the boy. "the fuck is wrong with you... if i stayed over at chan's you would've killed yourself!"

warm tears fell onto jisung's face, as felix slowly hoisted him up and sobbed into his arms.

- - - -

"he took about 10 pills and proceeded to down an entire bottle of alcohol. if you hadn't found him sooner, he could've died. no let me rephrase that, i actually have no clue as to why he's even alive. " the doctor said, raising his eyebrows and tilting his head towards the young male in bed.

felix's breath hitched. if he had died, our last moments together would've been me abandoning him.

gently tracing the barely visible veins on jisung's cold hands, felix softly whispered prayers for the boy to wake up. please, it was one stupid little fight. please wake up, tell me everything's going to be alright. what happened to my darling best friend, sungie?

[jisung's pov]

i stared at felix's distinct lips moving fast, my brain wasn't processing anything he said, each syllable i heard felt like a knife stabbing into me. stop yelling, you never get this angry. it's scaring me. i felt his icy cold gaze for the first time, i didn't like it. i only ever received his affection, i never knew his pretty eyes could be that cruel. what do i do now, does he hate me? i fucked up my one shot with felix, i hurt the person i treasure the most. why... why did i not cut minho off completely.

after a while, he stopped lashing out. maybe it was because he noticed my eyes brimmed with tears; or perhaps he just didn't want to see my ugly cheating face anymore.

looking back, he probably had a lot more to say. things he knew both of us couldn't bear to hear at the time.
i watched as he stormed off, flinching when the door slammed in my face.

i never realised how important he was to me, lix was always there for me. he never complained, he stuck with me. what if this is it? what if he's never coming back?

guess we only know how much we love someone after they leave.

i swung the fridge door open, grabbing the nearest bottle of wine and cracking it open. the cork flew towards me and hit my chin hard. groaning in frustration, i took a swig from the bottle, chugging it like plain water and throwing a punch at the refrigerator. i could feel my knuckles sting, i didn't care. i kept punching. it numbed my inner pain, made me blind with rage.

soon, my fist formed blisters and i could smell the strong scent of blood rushing to my nostrils. fucking hell.

trudging to the bathroom, i set the water on full blast and watched as specks of blood splattered all over the sink, sliding off the smooth white surface and going down the drain.

clearly not in the right headspace, i practically ripped open the medicine cabinet's drawer, grabbing a bottle of sleeping pills. i downed one pill, no effect. i downed another. i grew too impatient. i swallowed four more. ugh, not enough.

i shook out a handful of those tiny white pills and felt them squeeze down my throat, it felt as if they had more effect without water consumption.

at this point, the room was spinning. whether it was overdose or i was just utterly wasted, my body was losing consciousness; alarmingly fast.

slipping on the wet floor, i stumbled down on all fours, trying to get back up. finally gaining enough strength to sit myself up against the bath tub, i sensed my eyes beginning to shut.

everything after that was blurry and faded until i heard his voice. it was raw with concern, urgency lacing its tone. it drowned me in suffocating guilt. how could i be so stupid and impulsive. i'm so sorry, love.