solar eclipse | jilix

pt. 14

everything was foggy, but i sensed someone's presence. it reassured me, convinced me that i was okay. the last thing i could remember was... oh.

blinking harshly in desperation to snap myself back into reality, i roughly identified a figure sitting beside the bed i was on.

as my eyes adjusted to the fluorescent light, i began to make out the sleeping face of my freckled boy. he had heavy eyebags, drool at the corner of his cracked lips. i looked down, noticing our hands intertwined. how long had he been holding it? did he fall asleep like this?

i carefully slid my fingers out of his grip, trying to sit up. triggered by the minimal movement, felix woke up. it wasn't possible to fall into deep sleep on a foldable plastic chair anyways. his bloodshoot eyes tugged at my heartstrings, it looked like he had been crying all night.

"sungie! thank god..." he gasped, burying his face into my chest, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. i heard a muffled "i almost lost you", causing me to tear up instantly. however, the tearful embrace was short-lived. felix pulled away and smacked me across the face, "you could've died!"

i felt a smile spread despite the inappropriate context. "but i didn't~"

"well you were pretty darn close! if i hadn't rushed you over here, who knows what could've happened?" felix lectured, finally letting out hours worth of silently built-up stress and worry.

i was glad that we were back to our playful banters again, but still wasn't exactly in the mood to get scolded.

the moment he opened his mouth to continue his nagging, i leaned in for a kiss. a kiss that conveyed so much without the need for words. regret, relief, care.
we both needed it badly. the comfort of soft touch, the gratefulness that we still held onto each other. felix calmed down, planting small kisses all over my forehead, gently rubbing my back and holding me close the entire time.

in that moment of false security, i began to think about how wonderful felix was. how he was always watching over me, keeping me safe without expecting anything more. hell, i treated him as a joke and here he was, refusing to leave. "felix please, i don't deserve you. i don't deserve any of this. why do you still care about me." i sobbed, too weak to push him away.

he cupped my cheeks, looking me dead in the eye. "han jisung, you mean the fucking world to me. i'm not throwing our friendship away just because of one bad move. you have a golden heart, i know you'd never hurt me on purpose."

i couldn't take it, this wasn't what i had expected. why won't he hate me?

seeing my face redden as i begun to cry, felix inched closer.
"hey, look it's just me. if there's anything you need to tell me, just say it. no more secrets, okay? i'm not going anywhere." he reassured, making soft circular strokes on my back to ease my tears.

finally pushing words out of my mouth, i stuttered, "i want you around. i never want you to stop looking at me the way you do right now, i love you, i need you so much. i'm so so sorry for all the dumb shit you have to put up with, i..." i broke down into sniffles and choked sobs again, beating myself up for being such a baby.

"shh it's alright, i get it. let's just sit here and breathe for a while, hm?" felix softly spoke, wrapping me into another warm hug. "i don't ever want to lose you."

[A.N : imperfect love by seventeen was playing as i wrote this chapter and honestly it fits. despite all the imperfections they're both willing to love each other]