vinnie hacker blurbs

21. push and pull, away and closer

hi everyone! i hope you're doing well :)

i really don't know how to feel about this one, it's definitely different than anything on here, and it's fairly raw emotion, but it's what i wrote so we're gonna post it. 

i hope you all enjoy! 

TW: cheating?

"how?" you uttered, slowly shaking your head, not believing the words you just heard. "how does, what–what are you talking about?"

no.

"y/n–"

no.

no, he couldn't have.

"i– you what?" you looked up, cutting his shaky voice off with your own. his eyes were glassy staring at you, wide with concern as if he could possibly feel such a way after admitting this. the silence that he left to fill the room was intoxicating, and it hurt more to breathe than hold your breath, and how could he have?

"i–" vinnie exhaled, rubbing his hands across his forehead as if he was stressing out about the situation in front of you, as if it wasn't his doing, "it didn't mean anything–"

your heart clenched in the place it had risen to in your throat, and suddenly you couldn't possibly bear to hear anything more out of his mouth. "please, stop." you interrupted, your hands trembling in a fist you squeezed them into.

if it didn't mean anything, why did you do it?

"please don't say that," you whimpered, bringing the fist of your hands to cover your mouth. squeezing your eyes shut, tears gently rolled down the span of your cheeks, and you didn't know how to move on from this moment in time. was it worse to know that he'd risked everything for something that meant nothing, or were you supposed to feel comfort in the fact that it didn't mean anything at all– your brain couldn't decide which was a worse thought to process.

it felt weak, sitting in the presence of the person who thought loved you as much as you loved them and giving them the show of watching your heart crumble from their own actions, to let them watch you react this way when you gave them all of your power over yourself in the first place. it felt pathetic, you felt pathetic, and yet you couldn't bring yourself to leave.

"y/n, let me talk, please," vinnie sniffled, wiping underneath his eyes, his heart almost pumping out of his chest. you stayed silent, gently biting onto your balled fingers to help silence the words stuck in your throat, and he took it as his chance.

"i sit here and take full– full responsibility for what happened, for what i did. a-and i'm sorry that i didn't tell you earlier, when i came back from seattle. there was a lot going on–" he looked down at his hands and his lips puckered as if to help keep a cry at bay, "--and it's no excuse. i fucked up. i really, really fucked up, and i cannot convey to you how sorry i am."

a bitter feeling swarmed up your chest hearing the words leave his tongue, but a part felt good hearing his cries and sniffles, knowing that this at least had some type of affect on him. if he was in so much ache having to tell you, then what the hell happened?

"how many times?" you asked, turning your face slightly to face vinnie, looking just in time to see his body twitch under your gaze. he looked so torn up, and it made your head spin with confusion. it was as if he walked himself into this situation ignoring the inevitable conclusion of you– his girlfriend –finding out, and now having to face everything came back to bite him in a way he never could've prepared for.