Loving him, Love her

Allergies and Christmas

Spring
Janell....
My head hurts, and my nose is running like a faucet, I hate allergies! I'm trying to make it to my bed so that I can sleep. Mr. Cruise, my professor, is almost done I guess, I'm trying to focus but it's so hard. " Okay, next class your speeches are due so be ready everyone" He said. Grabbing my purse and backpack I head out. When I reach the dorm I fall face first onto the bed I pray not to dream of Maverick but I always do, and this time is no different.

Waking up in a cold sweat, I dreamt that Maverick was alone and dying. Sitting up on my bed I notice that it's about 2 am. Mercedes is sound asleep and Mel is not here, she's here from time to time, but she rarely ever stay here anymore. I go to the bathroom and then get back in bed, I began to think about Maverick.

A few weeks before he left he called and asked if I would come over to his parents house. It was right before Christmas break and I was leaving to go home, I was glad that I would get a chance to see him. When I got to his parents house I was directed to the family room, he was there waiting for me in his chair. I had not seen him since he left the hospital, he'd lost weight, but other then that he looked the same.

Standing in front of him I didn't know what to do,"have a seat Janell," he said curtly. Sitting down I waited for him to speak. " I'm leaving for California in a few weeks and I wanted to be the one to tell you. I'm going to a clinic there and I'm going to try to rebuild my life weither it's in or out of this chair."

Before he could finish talking tears were already pooling in my eyes. " your leaving me again, but you just got back, why are you going so far we have great rehab places here."

"Janell, I can't stay here, I have to go, if I'm here I'll want to be with you and I can't be with you like this. I care about you and I want to be with you, but so much has changed and I can't expect you to feel the same way you did before the accident. So I'm ending this, between you and I."

Jumping to my feet I start pacing the floor. Trying to calm my anger and fear, I finally speak, "oh your ending this between you and I because your in a wheel chair and you can't handle it. You think my feelings have changed? Well you know what, we didn't have an us to quit on so I guess you don't have to worry about that. As far as how I feel about you, you wouldn't know that either because you've pushed me away. Mr. Maxwell let me inform you of a few things. I care about you more now then I did before, I want to be with you more now then I did before and I just believe that we can endure this more now then I did before. But if you really want me to walk away just say it..."

Before I could finish Maverick pulled me onto his lap and kissed me so passionately I forgot what we were talking about. We only stopped because someone started to speak behind us. Noticing it was his dad I jumped off of his lap, and nearly knocked the lap off the table, he'd asked if I was staying for dinner. Maverick answered yes before I could speak.

"Janell, you are more then I could have dreamed of, and I want to know you and be with you, but I'm half a man right now. I don't feel complete, there's so much I have to learn. I can't drive a car, I can't maneuver around well enough to not hit something or someone. I'm mentally a mess and I can't bring you into all of this, if I was less of a man I would use you as a crutch or my fixer when things got to hard, but I'm not. I'm going to learn this new person so when you see me again I'll be whole. I wanted to push you away, I wanted you to hate me so that leaving would be easier, but it's not as easy as I thought."

I kneel in front of him and look into his eyes, "no matter what I'm here for you. If you need me to let you go so that you can get better I will. Friends are what we are and it's what we'll continue to be. No pressure or stress about anything else. I'm not going to stand in your way to do anything that could help you. If we are meant to be more then friends we will be if not then friend it will be."