SHATTERED PARADIGM (La Celestial Mancha #1) [ON GOING]

PROLOGUE

I can hear the noise outside from inside here, I don't know why I feel this way. In the first place, I shouldn't be hurting; I should be happy because I made her happy, right? Then why do I suddenly feel this way?

Why her? Why that young person? Why does my cousin like her too? My friend also likes her. Damn, so many people like her.

I immediately heard footsteps coming in my direction, but I remained silent, slouched over the table in my room.

"Why did you run?" She asked.

How I wish I could easily tell her directly, but damn, I really miss her hugs, lips, and her. My stupid self, it's your fault for prolonging these feelings. Now that you hurt her, she's treating you exactly how you said she would.

I didn't say a word and let her sit beside me. I already knew it was her by the sound of the chair.

"Tell me, why did you run? And leave your cousin's birthday party?" she asked again, with a mix of concern and tenderness in her tone.

Just a little more, just a little, and I'll come back to you again. But I don't want to; I don't want to hurt my friend and cousin. Should I stop? Should I let one of them win you? While I suffer and wish that someday I'll be the one you choose.

But I can't do it because I'm scared once again. Why out of so many people who like you, why are those close to me involved?

"Leave..." all I said.

But she remained silent, and the only sound we heard was the music from outside in the room. It was dark, and the only light came from the moon reflecting on the mirror in my room.

I could hear her breath, but I was still buried in my thoughts, leaning on the table in front of us. Should I be thankful? Because she followed me. But why is there a mix of pain and sadness in my happiness? I let go of it, but she keeps coming back to me, despite all the pain I've given her.

Why so many people, why me? Don't I deserve to be loved? She was the one making me feel wanted, but should I give her to someone else? Should
I try to win her? But what about the feelings of my friend and cousin? Fear leads me.

Should I do the same? Be selfless rather than selfish? I've already given all of me to my friends and cousin. Maybe this time I should prioritize myself. I deserve to be happy too; I don't want to hide and always be in my fears. I want to show my own, but fear always get me. Perhaps, Half of my life is enough to pay my guilt of my past. Now I am ready once again to take a chance on love, and set free the heart that I have kept imprisoned since he left.

"I don't know your reason for pushing me away when all I want is to stay with you." I can feel the betrayal in her voice.

The weight of the situation and emotions I was feeling became unbearable, and I found myself at a loss for words. It was as if the universe was conspiring against me, making it impossible to express my true feelings without hurting someone else in the process.

As the night wore on, the atmosphere in the room became more suffocating. I felt trapped in a web of conflicting emotions and desires, unsure of what path to take. It seemed like I was constantly walking on eggshells, trying to please everyone around me while ignoring my own feelings.

It looks like she has also had a few drinks, judging by her boldness tonight.

This kid, she can make me feel what she feels. And it hurts to hear her begging me to stay when I don't even know why she wants me to stay.

"I-I love you and its not all about like now... But it seems I'm already too late, because before I could confess what my heart wants, you already pushed me away. Without giving me any reason." I heard her sob. "And, perhaps... that's the exact reason to stop? there's nothing wrong with accepting rejection."