To The Stars I Could Never Reach

VIII

Ryan's(POV):

Ending my stream still feeling a bit odd about what happens downstairs between Kane and Darren. It seem like they were having no problem keeping everything balanced and still hide it from the boys. It was a bit nerve wrecking to be the only one to know the truth and even though I'm usually the one to instigate I couldn't be bothered to say anything.  Leaning back in my chair running my hands through my blonde hair staring up at the ceiling thinking back to the biggest mistake I could of ever made.

FlashBack:

Walking out of the bathroom with nothing but my towel wrapped around my waste walking over to my bed to grab my clothes when I noticed Darren was still sleeping. I wanted to pull a prank, but I didn't have much to work with—

"Ahh your so lucky bro."

I said turning away then turning back leaning down — he was actually quite cute when he was sleeping not a complete nuisance at all. A smile slowly arising on my face I leaned in closer and pressed my lips onto his the taste of the mint chapstick making me chuckle softly. Surprisingly his lips felt softer than I imagined —- looking over happy that Kane was still sleep if he saw this I don't think I'd ever be able to live it down.

~~~~~~

"Ryan?! Ryan! Dude!"

I heard Justin say and I finally realized that I'd completely zoned out. Shaking it off I pushed back my chair and walked over to the bed taking a seat on my side trying to forget that, but now all I could think about was Darren's lips and how much I wanted to feel then again like I did on the roof. Rubbing my fingers over my lips I suddenly remembered the harsh words I said to Darren back at our old house.

""I — I like you! Ryan Nguyen I like you!! I don't care if the photo is real or fake I like you."

"That has nothing to do with me."

..

"So frustrating!"

I said angrily running my fingers through my hair wanting to know why my heart felt so broken after saying those things to Darren. I don't like him that way! I don't— he's not my problem! Climbing under the covers I wanted nothing more than to forget that ever happened but I've kissed him three times now I'm started to wonder if — my feelings for him had changed.

I woke up in the middle of the night unable to sleep my head spinning with thoughts of Darren and Kane. Walking downstairs into the kitchen I grabbed a cup to get a glass of water when Darren suddenly appeared his eyes red as if he'd been crying. Wonder what's up with him? Hmm, if I got involved I'd only lead him on its best if I minimize my involvement when it come to -  he suddenly grabbed me and dragged me into the living room throwing me down onto the couch.

"Darren what the hell is wrong with —"

He cut me off before I could finish my sentence smashing his lips against mine kissing me passionately tears rolling down his red cheeks. I could feel his tongue caressing mine this was bad, this was bad! Pushing him away I pinned him down wrapping my hand around his throat. He was just determined to cause me trouble!

"Oh my god! I can't believe this!"

Kane said turning on the light his body shaking in anger before I could explain Kane lunged at me pinning me to the ground. Darren tried pulling him off of me, but couldn't manage to loosen his grip. He shouldn't worry so much Kane wouldn't hit me or do anything rash knowing the consequences.

"Stop! Stop! Kane!! Kane get off of him!! It's my fault!!"

Darren cried out trying to pull Kane off of me tears rolling down his cheek. Pushing him off of me I crawled onto my knees trying to catch my breath. He had completely lost it and this wasn't even my fault!! Darren grabbed Kane's arm holding him back his eyes hidden behind his hair I couldn't read his expression I wanted to know how had he expected this to play out?

"What the hell is going on between you two?! You say your over him then I find you down here all over him!! You just can't help yourself can you!! What will it take for you to understand he doesn't want you!! I do, I've been trying to make you understand that! Yet you've betrayed me again!!"

Kane yelled out snatching his arm from Darren's clutches Darren just stood behind him staring at the ground tears still falling. I opened my mouth to defend Darren, but before I could Tyler appeared with Seb and Oliver behind him. Darren dropped to his knees his body shaking tensely he was hiccuping so much I thought he'd throw up.

"You three again? I thought we cleared this up! Kane and Ryan come to my office —"

"No — you know what I'm going to let it out right here! Tyler want to know why Ryan's been acting so weird since we got back from the UK —"

"Kane don't go saying something you won't be able to take back."

I said knowing what was coming next and what it would mean for us three. I wanted to protect the group, but all my effort had gone to waste. Tyler crossed his arms and the expression on his face was the usual a serious yet angry Face I'd seen only a few times.

" Ryan and Darren kissed! Not only that they kissed again on the roof and I have proof."

Kane said pulling his phone out of his pocket and my heart sank when he pulled up a video of me and Darren up on the roof kissing to makes matters worse it shows that I initiated it. Oliver's usually cheerful face had become stone he looked angry and worried, as for Seb he just kept staring at me, Ty was just watching the video taking in every detail.

"That day Darren was crying out in the garden was because I showed him this picture of him and Ryan kissing in the hotel room. Ryan broke his heart and I picked up the fucking pieces!! What do I get in return — I catch him kissing Ryan downstairs behind my back."

Kane said staring at me with a loathing expression his eyes were like daggers. Ty just kept looking from me to Ryan then at Darren who was on the floor bawling his eyes out.  In the end this was causing me more trouble then I'd imagine it would before, if I could go back and undo that kiss —

"In this situation Darren is in the wrong, but as for this video Ryan also needs to be clear about his feelings. As for you Kane if you knew his heart still belonged to Ryan then you trying to force yourself in between them your heart getting trampled all over is your fault!"

Tyler said his words stung, but only be because they were the truth. I tried denying my feelings for Darren so long and all I've done is lead him on even though my words led him to believe I didn't want anything romantic. Honestly I still don't know how I really feel about Darren, he was my best friend. Oliver and Seb were just in the background silently agreeing with him.

"Realistically this has caused enough damage, I want all three of you to go to bed — Kane you might want to get comfortable here you'll be sleeping downstairs until this is resolved."

Manager Ty said throwing Kane  a pillow from the couch beside him. Darren stood up and ran upstairs not uttering a single word to any of us leaving us to stare at each other in confusion. We all just looked at each other for each other exchanging looks before heading back to bed.

I still couldn't sleep I just couldn't get what Ty had said out of my head. Sneaking back downstairs carefully making sure the coast was clear. Making my way into the living room I grabbed Kane's phone happy that he'd told me the password after we left the meet and greet in the UK. Typing it in carefully happy that the video was already up and there wasn't a need to search for it. Quickly hiding on the other side of the couch I played the video keeping the volume low. I watched us kiss over and over again and my heart felt exactly the same like it was content and happy. I give up — he's not someone I'll be able to live without.