The Gangster Who Hates Me (BoyxBoy)

CHAPTER 11: BOTTOM

Jasper's POV

Always being top of the class since primary school is one of the things I was used to aside from being a heartthrob and being popular on campus. I graduated valedictorian back in sixth grade and won various of awards from different contests. I became too complacent because I thought no one could ever beat me, not until Jude came into the picture.

"Only for the first grading," I told myself after the result of the first quarter in seventh grade. First time in my life that I got second.

I had studied very hard after Jude got my place. I had reviewed my notes, attentively listen to the lectures and read books which I don't usually do. I had exerted maximum efforts to get back to the position which Jude stole from me. When I found out that my brother is bullying him, I didn't do or say anything to my brother to stop the endless beating and harassment. The students got involved and influenced to what my brother had started, and while they are busy with that unimportant matter, I always make sure to study and study until I puke. I have aims to achieve and one of those is to graduate with a title for being the batch valedictorian in senior high school and get that full scholarship that the school offered once you're the top one of the batch, of any course you want to pursue to the university you prefer to enroll. I don't want to waste the opportunity, so as long as I can, then I won't stop striving harder.

My dad passed away five years ago, my mom has cancer who's far away from us and I need to finish college so I can get a better job and so I can help my family. I just can't rely all to my brother. He has done a lot for me already and he deserves to think for himself this time.

I was too blinded with competition and seeing Jude getting bullied in school makes me happy, that it would be somehow a way for him to get distracted and withdraw from school. However, despite of my massive efforts and the bad treatment he gets, it wasn't still enough, he seemed unaffected.

He's too innocent, fragile and too smart. I can't beat him. He's too intelligent that even if he often fell asleep in class, he effortlessly got outstanding grades. Even if he came to school with busted lips and swollen eyes, it didn't hinder him to attend the class. The teachers always take consideration to him because even if he doesn't listen to the discussions, he always gets a perfect score or highest remark amongst us senior high students.

I didn't give up. The competition which I only did and knew about reach up until this last semester. In spite of my efforts that I had invested enormously, I always ended up before him. I always ended up being the second and it made me feel frustrated. It makes me feel even more frustrated when he doesn't even care. That's Jude Finn for the past five years and as much as I want to deny it, you can't hate Jude Finn. In fact, I admired him. He's extraordinary, one of a kind. I should have just gave up the moment I realized that he really meant that place.

I realized that it is time to be over with my secret competition with Jude which he was oblivious about. I should cut the tie and start to build friendship since it's already few months from now and we'll be graduating senior high.

"A-hh thanks for today Jasper," Jude interrupted me from my thoughts.

I was deep in thoughts that I didn't even realize that we already arrived to his home. Thanks to my driving skills because we didn't get hit due of me being lost. "Thanks to you too. I had a lot of fun today," I admitted.

"This day is one of the best days of my life Jasper, and thank you for hanging out with me," he confessed. Although the only light that illuminates the place is through the radiance of full moon and the light from the porch a meter away, I can still see his cheeks burning red.

"A-hh see you tom-"

"Can we talk for a bit?" I cut him off.

"Of course," he replied, a shy smile crossed his lips.

I admit that I had a lot fun with him today, it's been a long time since I've felt so much fun with someone; due to being so competitive, not socially active and always shutting people out of my way. I was too blinded with my goals that even me and my brother didn't able to go out and do something like this. Hanging out with Jude today made me realize that we have to live life away from toxicity and I just realized it recently. Jude helps me to feel that way and I should thank him for that.

There's a moment of silence between us, the only sound that buzzed through the air are crickets crying not too loudly. "Jude...I know it's not my place to say this, but I apologize in behalf of my brother's activity in school. Sorry for the things he has done to you," I mentally slapped myself. I don't know if it's okay to say that cause' he might get offended by it, but I just felt like I needed to say it.

"You don't really have to apologize for him Jasper, it's okay." A look of embarrassment was painted on his face and I want to retract my words.

"Look, Jude. You don't deserve all of the bad treatment you get from school, you deserve better," I said. He looked at me with a smile, but I can see the sadness in it.

"Thank you for your concern Jasper and I really appreciate it. I do. But we can't stop people just because we want to. It's okay. You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine. I somehow used to it already. It's been a long time since I got used to it," he said and I felt sad.

"Sorry," I apologized, feeling dumb for saying such things and for being insensitive.

"It's okay!" he gave me a reassuring smile and nudged my shoulder. We looked at each other and I half a smile. I like how he becomes more comfortable around me.

"I have something to tell you," I said being a little nervous. I don't know how he would react if I told him this.

"What is it?" he asked, curiosity was drawn on his face.

"Can you promise me that we still remain like this if I say this?" I proposed.

"A-hh yeah, of course...I promise," he said with a slight nervousness. "What is it Jasper?"

"Ahm, I know you like me for years now Jude. I know since seventh grade..." I started and stared at him. I can see his reluctance to look at me but he still fought to connect our eyes. It did not escape for me to witness the enlargement of his eyes and nostrils, as well as the redness of his cheeks. "I know you like me and I do admire you as well...." I continued. "I admire how intelligent you are. I admire how innocent and positive you are as a person. I admire you because you're the only person that I couldn't beat academically, people know that. I admire you for being humble all the time. I admire your fighting spirit even if the world is against you. I admire your personality and for who you are Jude, but..." I gulped and I could feel he's tensed. I could feel my muscles constricted too.

"But... I'm bottom, Jude. A pure bottom. We both are," I admitted. He was speechless. His clear grey eyes that are rare was now mixed with emotions, but I can see the sadness in depth and that bothered me. However, there's no hiding back. This is me - Jasper the gay 'bottom'.

He should know. I could no longer raise his hopes high.

There's no way a bottom and a bottom will be together.

I might sometimes masturbate but there's no way I can be top.