The Gangster Who Hates Me (BoyxBoy)

CHAPTER 32: I BEG YOU TO DO IT. IBYTKAFM

Jude's POV

No matter how much hard I try to process what he said, my brain couldn't register his untoward confession regarding his feelings to me.

My feelings were coated with disbelief and ambiguity. After all, he is Sky Granger.

Him, having his forehead leaning on my shoulder felt like there's an amount of weight that I couldn't bear to carry. I couldn't breathe, move or anything. The silence between us is deafening, even if I could hear his heavy breaths that touched that sensitive part of my neck.

Thankfully, after a few moments, he detached himself from me. Yet, I wish he didn't because I don't want to meet his penetrating eyes I have not yet grown accustomed to all throughout the years.

I was completely speechless, feet glued on the ground as he lifted his head off me and stared directly into my eyes. There is something in his eyes that my soul could not explain or pinpoint to describe. Normally, I would feel scared to reciprocate his gaze, but somehow and surprisingly, I defended my ground. All the while, I was even more surprised when I can see traces of tears from his eyes down to his cheeks.

It doesn't have to be. He doesn't have to be this serious.

"I love you, and you can't get rid of me now," he said like those in brokeback mountain southern accent. It wasn't a threat or a command or anything he usually does. It sounds like a beg.

I stood up frozen on the ground. There is no fathomable thought I could construct in my head at the moment. Everything just went blank. Cliché as it may sound, but the world literally stopped revolving and all I could only see are his blue eyes reflected on mine that was full of vulnerability and affection I wasn't sure were right, although I could see and feel his deep sincerity.

It was all still unbelievable to the point that it felt like I was just dreaming and I wish I am. However, I wasn't and I just have to deny it.

I don't know what came up to my mind when I took a step forward while not disconnecting our eyes. I tiptoed and wrapped my arms around his neck so he can lean down as I crashed my lips against his familiar taste. I can feel him tense and I know he did not see this coming, neither did I.

I devoured his lips, biting, nibbling and sucking his upper and lower flesh. Then, forcefully trying to enter his mouth using my tongue, but he wouldn't let me. I tried to enter again this time with more force so I can make my way inside of his mouth, but he remained still.

"Open your mouth," I commanded under my heavy breathe as I looked at his wet lips coated with my own saliva.

I kissed him again forcefully and he still didn't let me, making me feel frustrated.

"I said open your mouth," I commanded again with conviction out of unexplainable desperation.

I smashed my lips again to his aggressively and held his cheeks so I can control over him. He let me kiss him even if he doesn't let me have access to his tongue to the point that it makes me more frustrated and I started crying. I ceased my irrational desperation and need as I slowly slid my face in exhaustion from his neck down to his chest. I creased his shirt using both my hands and started sobbing, soaking his shirt with my tears that always piled up under my lids.

Why am I so emotional and vulnerable these past days and week? Why am I so weak?

"I wouldn't let you kiss me when you are not sincere about it," he said and I started snickering while crying. I am crazy and I wish I am.

"What do you know about sincerity, Sky Granger?" I asked in sarcasm.

"I've known you for over five years, Jude and I know when you are not. So stop doing things just because you are miserable and you want to forget," he said that had me caught off guard.

"Excuse me? What a shame!" I blurt out in disbelief. "You know me, Sky, but you actually don't. I hope you can see the difference with that," I snorted.

"My whole world revolves around you. I know every details of your life, Jude. So if I tell you you're miserable, then you are. So you listen to me," he spoke like he gave birth to me or even owns me.

"Why would I listen to you? Stop being delusional! And I am not miserable!" I denied.

"You are hurt," he stated that made me stop. "You are messed up and not in your right mind. Let's go back inside," he commanded as if he really knows me.

"Wow!" I huff in disbelief. "You just confessed your feelings to me and you're still choosy and firm. You have a thick skin asshole! You are the one who's not in the right mind here!" I pushed him hardly on his chest furiously, but it didn't even make him take a step back.

"You're angry because it's true," he said and somehow, it pains and hit me, maybe because what he said is the reality.

"Shut up!" I exclaimed as I get angrier. "You're an asshole and I still hate you a lot and you're the worst human being I've ever known!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and punched his chest multiple times. My throws made him move, but it still didn't take him to even move a step backwards.

"I only wanted you to kiss me back and you have said a lot of unnecessary things, you ass!" I continued punching him. He's completely unreasonable and he is making me cry again.

"Don't try me, Jude." he said, biting the inside of his mouth trying to hold back.

"Try what? Huh?" I mocked and stopped punching him, "I am used to your threats, you coward and asshole!" I glared at him with storm in my eyes while his gaze is full of softness which made me even more frustrated and angry.

"I like seeing you not scared of me anymore," he confessed again unnecessarily and grabbed me by my arm, making me attached to him really close.

"If only you know how much I am hardly controlling myself not to kiss you and just deflower you right, here right now, Jude..." He held the side of my face as he gently wiped some of my tears using the back of his hand.

"Then stop controlling yourself, Sky. Do it," I stared into his eyes with intense desperation, "I beg you to do it,"

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"I beg you to kiss and fuck me,"