Restoration

Chapter 05

A full week with no drugs and wine. My body feels weak, but my spirit stands in victory. I made it this week, I'll make it another.
I never understood the concept of giving your heart to Jesus until I did it myself. It's in a moment you switch off and come to fully surrender your life to God. It's when you die to yourself, that you stop thinking, feeling, and wishing. You start worshipping, praying, and living. I've survived long enough, now it's time to live.
Homecell is amazing. We sit in a group, discuss Sunday morning's word from the pastor, praise and worship and talk. This is a different communication from what I had in my younger years at our previous church. You'd just come from the service and everyone would be gossiping. I swear if I was there now, I'd most probably be the high topic.
I take a walk around the house looking at the yard. It's a good distraction. There's a little place in the backyard that has scrap inside of it. I never went through it because of how hard the work looks. I fold my arms and just look at it. This sure is one big mess, isn't it?
"Ellie!"
My attention goes to Natasha that comes running up to me. She stops in front of me and raises an eyebrow.
"Wow, you look beautiful today," she smiles. I giggle awkwardly and shake my head. Maybe I decided to do something different. Instead of putting my hair up in a pony, I decided to wear a clip today and maybe a little bit of makeup. "Anyway, Craig is coming to church with us this Sunday. Did you get the chance to invite your kids?"
"Yes, I just didn't take it," I say and inhale deeply looking at the little building. Why are there so many useful things, but we never use them? "Guess I better act fast, right?"
"Agree," she nods. I inhale deeply and walk up to the little building. "Are you okay?"
"I never saw what it looks like inside," I say to her and touch the broken door handle. "Can't open it anyway. Guess I better get to it then and find some use in it."
"Reminds me of you," Natasha giggles and bites her lip. "Nobody could get inside. You were broken and messy and now look at what God is doing. He is sorting you out to make something of you just like you'll do to this place."
"That's a good comparison," I agree and inhale deeply. "I better find out where Andrea is and then try to get a hold of Sean. Boy, do I have a lot of fixing that needs done."
I laugh and walk back to her. She puts her arm in mine. We start heading back to the front of the house.
"Oh before I forget. They're having something at church tomorrow for new members. Would you like to become part of the church?"
"Sure," I nod willingly. So, I have become crazy. My eyes catch Steven getting out of his car. He looks at us with a smile running away from his lips. "Good, you're here. Any idea where the kids are?"
"No," he shakes his head with an odd look on his face. I sigh and look at Natasha.
"Be strong, okay? Remember, Jesus got you," Natasha winks at me and lets go of my arm heading back to her side. I watch her leave and then approach Steven. My heart suddenly starts beating faster for no apparent reason.
"I need to talk to the children," I say to him and put my hands on my hips. He looks over my face. There's a cold look of disapproval on his face.
"I'll see if I can get a hold of them," Steven groans and walk past me towards the house. I look at his car before deciding to follow him.
"Did you decide to do something to your car, because your car is different?" I ask him when I finally caught up.

It's quiet around the table. I made chicken pie and a bit of vegetables. I use to love cooking, but then...
"Are we just gonna sit or is someone going to talk?" Sean asks rudely. He's seventeen, about to finish school, and...geez, I don't know anything about him, to be honest.
"I don't really know where to start," I admit to them and put my hands together in front of me. I look down at my fingers and inhale deeply. "I haven't been a good person. I failed at a lot of things, therefore I want to apologize."
Andrea bursts out laughing and sits back in her chair. I look at her and raise an eyebrow.
"What's so funny?" I ask.
"You want to apologize? Okay, see how an apology can suddenly fix everything," she laughs and stands up from her seat. "You're pathetic."
"Listen to me you spoiled brat!" I slam my hand on the table and jump up from my seat. I don't recall myself ever being defensive. "I've just come over some of my addictions so I am very close to self-destructing. Do not temper me, Andrea. Take a seat and listen."
She rolls her eyes and takes a seat again.
"Oh look who's parenting," Sean mutters sarcastically and sits forward. "Keep it up. You might just get better at it."
"That's it," I put my hands out to them. "Cellphones and car keys, Sean. Now."
"You can't take that away," Andrea says unhappily. "Dad bought it for us."
"Yeah, now I'm taking it away until you stop this nonsense of back chatting me while I'm trying to make peace."
I reach out and grab Sean's car keys from the table along with his phone.
"Stop! Dad!" Sean looks at Steven. I'm just waiting for him to say something.
"No, I'm done being the fun mom!" I yell at them and go around the table to Andrea. "You don't take me seriously. I'm not your friend or someone you can walk over. Phone, Andrea."
"Eleanor, stop this instant," Steven says. I look at him and put my hand in front of Andrea. "You caused a scene. For what?"
"Phone Andrea," I look at her. She slams her phone in my hand, jumps up from her seat, and runs to her room. I push it into my pocket and look at Sean. "Go to your room, please. I'd like to talk to dad."
Sean refuses by folding his arms and sitting back. I gather the empty plates and look at Steven that gets up as well.
"Fine, stay," I say to him and look at Steven that approaches me with force. "Don't tell me to stop, Steven. This family is ruined and the only time the kids stay at home is when they want something. I know an apology won't fix everything, but this is my first step to restoring our family. I know it."
"Before you throw a tantrum about the kids not forgiving you, make sure your side of the bed is made," he says and passes me to the refrigerator. I scoff and look at him in disbelief. "What were you thinking, Eleanor?"
"I wasn't thinking, Steven. I was just doing as I felt. I want my children back, okay? I want this family back. I'm their mother," I start to cry. He shakes his head with a chuckle and looks at me.
"You never cared, Eleanor. Don't expect them to forgive you only when it suits you," he says and opens the refrigerator. He looks into it with an odd look on his face. His eyes move back to mine. "Why isn't there juice."
"Wow. You ask for the juice, but you don't notice what there is," I shake my head in disbelief and run up to my room. Tears started filling my eyes. I filled up the refrigerator with food and he asks for the juice. People never see what you have, only what's missing.