Restoration

Chapter 06

Last night's conversation is stuck in my head. Maybe I overreacted. Sometimes I don't watch my mouth or my actions. Angrily I kick on the door to the little building outside. It's dust everywhere, boxes and just plain scrap.
"Where do I even start?" I ask and start to cry. I put my arm on my face and then let it down again. "What is this even, God? I know I messed up. I messed up really bad."
I scream in anger and kick one of the boxes. Bad idea. It's a full box, hard and in the way. I grab my foot and take a seat on the box. Damn, that hurt.
"You want my attention, God? Fine, here I am. I'm nothing without you," I put my hands together and bow my head. I don't even know how to pray. Honestly, I wouldn't have thought that I'd be here today about two weeks ago. Would I even have been alive? "God, I give up. Take everything, please. Take my family, God. I can't change their perspectives on me. I can't make them forgive me. God, I will chase after you, I will run and I will try my best because I know You are fighting my battles. I don't know You as You know me, but I want to. God, I trust You."
A cold wind rushes up against my body. It feels as if my whole body is lifted and I'm in a big place talking directly to God.
"Father, forgive me. Help me serve you better. Thank you for breaking the chains to my drug addiction and alcohol abuse. Thank you for giving me a second chance. Please take care of my husband and children. They're yours now, God. Amen."

Before I realized it, I found myself sorting out the place. It's not that small at all. The box I kicked is filled with paint cans. I'm not sure how old it is, but hopefully, it might come in handy. There's so much work that needs to get done. Everything is dusty and quite hard to handle alone, but the thought of this place being clean and all sorted out pushes me to try even harder.
"What are you doing?"
I look at the door at Andrea. She looks around the room and then back at me.
"Sorting out," I answer her and grab a big piece of metal trying to pull it out.
"Mom," she sounds uncomfortable. The terrible scream of the metal against the cement floor echoes in the room. "Wait. I'll help."
She goes to the other side and pushes it. Things are so much easier when you're not alone.
We finally managed to get it outside. I slam my hands against my body and scan the piece of metal.
"How much do you think we can get for this?" I ask her. She puts her hands on her hips exhausted. "If you help me sell it, we can share the money."
I wink at her. She remains quiet and follows me back into the little building.
"Some of these things are dads. You can't sell it," she says. I put my hand on my sides and clear my throat.
"Sweetheart, I don't know who told you that, but I guess you're right. Take pictures, send them to your dad and ask him what we can sell," I reply and throw my hand up in the air. Steven has never even been in here for as long as I remember. He doesn't even know what's all in here.

Luckily I was just in time for the event at church. I have so many ideas for the place in the backyard that I don't know where to begin. What should I even choose? What will I do with it once I'm finished?
I take my shoes off in my bedroom and make sure to set my alarm. Yes, I want to get up early, clean the house and get straight to my business. I get into bed and sit up straight. My eyes go straight to the Bible that's on my bedside. I pick it up and open it. My surprise scripture to read today is Collisions 4. I read through it once and then tried a second time. Sometimes it doesn't make sense the first time around.
"You're up late."
I give a fright and look up at Steven. He goes to his wardrobe looking for clothes probably to take a shower. Suddenly, the desire for me to join him grows in me. I never spend time with him anymore. He's after all still my husband.
"What are you reading?" he asks.
"The Bible," I reply. He freezes and turns around looking at me. I smile at him and put the book down next to me. "Oh, I found a box of paint in the room outside."
"Oh yes. I put it there," he replies and pulls out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. "You can throw it away or sell it. There's no use for it anymore. Andrea told me you're throwing out."
"Yeah, I'm just going through a few things," I shrug my shoulders and inhale deeply. "When you finished showering, come to bed, okay? I want to talk."
"Sure," he nods his head doubtfully and goes straight to the bathroom. I smile softly to myself and get under the blankets.

After Steven got out of the shower, he came to his side of the bed and took a seat. He put his phone on charge and look at me.
"I gave back Sean's phone and keys," I say to him. He nods his head and looks down.
"I figured," he says. I smile at him and just as I'm about to reach out to him and take his hand, he gets up and opens the bed. "I'm tired. Can we rather talk tomorrow?"
"Okay," I agree unhappily and grab the Bible again. Oh God please give me something to calm down before I drown this man in Holy Water. I get up from my bed and go down to the living room. Perhaps I can spend my time there reading or something that will inspire me.

Can you believe it? I spend until after midnight making cards with verses on them. Hebrews 13:5 "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you."
It touches the deepest core of my heart in such a way that one can't describe it.
I look up when I heard something at the entrance of the door. Steven looks worried at me and folds his arms.
I send him a simple smile and continue what I'm doing looking for another verse.

***
A/N
Hi,
Thanks for all the votes and for reading this story.

My apologies for my terrible grammar and use of words.

I'm using Grammarly to help me with my singular and plural forms as well as some typing mistakes.
I know how annoying it is reading something that isn't written properly.

Best regards
Jaundri