Restoration

Chapter 08

Andrea and I never had a close bond and mostly because I've let her down on so many occasions. It breaks me to look at her now knowing I didn't do enough.
"Andy can't stop talking about church."
I look up at Sean that walks into the little building looking around. Yes, I'm busy again.
"I know," I laugh softly and grab the broom trying to pull an old plastic bag filled with things closer to me. I'm scared of touching something and there's a spider or snake there.
"What are you trying to achieve?" Sean ask. I inhale deeply and look at him. "You're filling her head with nonsense. Really? Don't give her false hope. I won't allow you to let her down again."
"I know she's your sister and you only want what's best for her. I haven't been a good mother to either one of you, but God has given me a second chance and I'm going to take it," I say to him and drop the broom to have a serious conversation with my son without any distractions. "You're still my kids and I love you, okay?"
"You threw us away and only thought of yourself!" he yells at me. My heart breaks. "You never cared and now all of a sudden you come up with the excuse of having God in your life just to pretend that we're a happy family. Where was God when we needed you, Eleanor! You have no right to just apologize and expect us to simply forgive you!"
"I know that!" I yell back at him. "And I'm sorry, Sean. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but at least I'm trying. If somehow we can have a mother and son relationship, I'm willing to do anything to have that."
"Wanna know what you can do? You can start by getting out of our lives," he says and turns around walking away. I know I should let him be, but the first voice in my head is telling me to fight for my son. I know he's angry, but this isn't for me, it's for him.
"Sean!" I call out and run after him grabbing his shirt and pulling him back. He turns around and looks at me with a cold look in his eyes. "The last thing I'm going to do is leave this family. If you hate me, it's okay. It's not your job to love me, it's mine to love you. I love you, Sean and I'm not ruining it this time. I was wrong drowning myself in alcohol for comfort and throwing pills down my throat, but I am clean now for more than a month and willing to try."
"You...you were a drug addict?" he asks with eyes stretched wide open and his face as pale as a sheet.
"I lost myself. I lost sight of who I am and what my purpose is. This time, I found my identity in Christ." I say to him and inhale deeply. His eyes drown in mine. "Give me one chance, Sean. Come with me and Andrea tonight to church. Just this once. It's all I ask of you, please."
"Guess I better see what makes Andy so crazy," he says. I smile happily and fold my arms. Just the fact that everyone thinks Christians are crazy satisfies me. Think of it. We all think of something in a certain way until we become part of that thing. He scans my face and smiles awkwardly. "You look different, mom. I like this new you. I hope it's permanent."
"I claim it," I nod and stand closer to him. He looks behind me then back at me.
"So, why are you cleaning the storage room?" he asks. Good question.
"It's the process of God cleaning me," I reply and shrug my shoulders. "When it's finished, I'm going to turn it into something beautiful. I've already got this picture in my mind that I'm working towards. God says, for I know the thoughts I think towards you. I know He is doing something great in our house."
Sean just nods his head slowly and turns around walking back to the house. God is fighting battles I never knew existed. Battles for my family and our future. Well, the battle is already won.

Night came and I felt like the proudest mother to walk up to the church with both my kids next to me. Andrea is holding tight unto my arm. Sean is mostly observing everything around us.
"Guess who came," Natasha throw her hands up in the air and hug Sean. Wow, her son came as well. Finally!
"Hello Craig," I greet him with a hug and pull away again. He nods at me and looks around.
"Tammy is waiting for us inside," Natasha tells me. I nod my head and inhale deeply starting to walk up to the church building.
The service went just as well as every service. Sean seemed to have enjoyed the music. He's not used to this. We didn't raise him up in the house of God. When he was very little we went to another church, very different from this. Sean got easily bored and the fancy people got easily annoyed when he complained to me or fell asleep on my lap.