Restoration

Chapter 11

Steven must probably be busy packing or something. It scares me to think of him leaving, but the peace in me is very convincing. I put a glass container with cookies on the table and take a seat next to Natasha.
"It's sad when we don't always get what we want," I say to Natasha that agreed to that and takes a cookie dipping it into the coffee.
"Craig's got a boyfriend," Natasha tells her. I sink in my seat in disappointment and inhale deeply.
"Tasha, I'm going to tell you something that I swore I would never tell anybody because I was embarrassed," I say and pull my leg up to my chest, resting my ankle on the chair by my body. "I feel it's very relevant to Craig and I don't want to tell you and then you have hope that everything will be okay."
"Okay?" Natasha sits forward waiting for me to continue. I clear my throat and start to play with the thread on my skirt. "What is it?"
"I was a homosexual in my teens," I say to her and look her straight in the eyes. She raises an eyebrow at me. "I liked girls. I guess it was only because my dad was never around and I didn't know how to be treated by a man or how to be a wife. I was scared of going through the same thing my mom did. My point is, that maybe it was a stage, but as soon as I got entangled with that lifestyle, I realized that it had no benefit for me. I still wasn't satisfied, but when I went through that experience, I got out of it again. Was it just a phase? Maybe. In the end, it was a choice. Craig will come to a point where he surrenders all his fleshly desires and lay them down at the foot of the cross. Whether he becomes straight again or stays gay, God will work with him. I know that."
"I'm starting to think that God is punishing me," Natasha starts to cry. I sit up straight and reach out to touch her hand. "I mean, for everything I've done."
"No, Tash, God isn't punishing you. When you gave your life to Jesus, He set you free from everything that held you captive. You're just stuck in that mindset of still being trapped. Look around you, Natasha. Everything you have is because of God. Thanks to you I'm free from my alcohol and drug addiction. Thanks to you, I gave my life to Jesus. If you didn't, I wouldn't have woken up that morning to hear you so cheerfully say that you gave your life to Christ. I think Jesus woke me up especially just to hear those words," I say to her and inhale deeply rubbing her hand. She nods her head and rests her face on my hand. "He did for me, he'll do it for you."
I get up from my chair and walk around hugging Natasha. She hugs me around my waist crying resting her head on my stomach.

Sunday came and I'm getting ready for church. I put my earrings on and look in the mirror. Did I overdo it? I'm wearing that dress I bought for the date that didn't work out and I curled my hair for a change.
"Did you see my watch?" Steven asks entering the room. I grab my perfume bottle and spray a bit on my neck and pulse.
"It's on charge," I reply and look at him. He's wearing long black trousers and a grey button shirt.
"Thanks," he replies and looks at me as well. "Wow...you look...beautiful, Eleanor."
"Thanks, Steven," I smile softly at him and place my hands on my hips. "Are you ready to go yet?"
"Yeah," he nods his head. I smile nervously at him and look at Sean and Andrea that stood at our door.
"Can we go?" Andrea asks impatiently. They're excited to go. I can understand why.
The four of us walk up to our homecell people that stood there waiting. Tammy's eyes grow on us. She starts jumping up and down and grab me into a hug when we got to them.
"Hello, sweetheart!" Tammy hugs me then Andrea and gives Sean a high five.
"This is Steven," I introduce him to everyone. Each one that greets him with the hand introduces themselves. I fold my arm nervously around Andrea's shoulder.

We take our seats as the countdown runs on the screen. Less than a minute till the service start. I look at Steven that takes a seat next to me.
"This is a church," Steven nods impressed and looks at me. "Where's this new person?"
"Steven, I want you to meet Jesus," I smile at him. At that moment the drums went and the lead singer came on the stage.
"Good morning family! Let's jump to our feet as we praise the Lord!" she shouts. We get up and start clapping hands and singing with the band. I'm at my proudest. My husband and two kids are here. My family is together in the house of the Lord.

"Why are we alive?" the pastor asks walking up and down the stage. I sit back in my chair with one leg over the other. "Our lives are a vapor. No matter how we suffer, we must never become self-absorbed. God will allow you to go through suffering to identify with others who suffer."
I inhale deeply looking down at my lap at my wedding ring. God, I trust that you will save this marriage. Even if this does end in divorce, please forgive us. I know You'll always be with me.

The cold air outside hit my skin as we exit the church building. We go to the side of the cafeteria while everyone is still moving just to get out of the way. I'm disappointed that Steven didn't go for salvation. Maybe next time then.
"You look so familiar."
I look up at this grey-haired man that approaches us. I've never seen him, to be honest.
"Oh," I laugh innocently and fold my arms to protect myself from the cold.
"Winter is drawing near," he chuckles and shakes Steven's hand. "I'm Elliott. Are you guys new here."
My heart starts beating fast. My eyes grow round on him. God, is this your way of punishing me? What am I supposed to do now?
"I am, but apparently my wife isn't," Steven chuckles and shakes his hand. "I'm Steven by the way. This is Eleanor and our kids Andrea and Sean."
Elliott looks at me. I can feel my body getting shaky under me. God, how could You?
"You're not Lillian's daughter, are you?" he asks.
"I am," I nod winking a few times pushing my hand into Steven's. He looks worried at me then back at him.
"Oh," he raises an eyebrow and breathes in deeply. "Well, I prayed for this day...I'm just not sure I'm ready for it."
"Were you ever?" I smirk feeling so many different emotions in me. I've been avoiding so many issues in my life and now God is making me face everything that ruined me.
"How's Lillian?" he asks. I rest my head on Steven's shoulder and hug his arm.
"My mother is dead," I reply and swallow the lump in my throat. "She got in an accident a few years ago."
To be honest, that's what lead me to lose myself. My mother's death traumatized me. When I needed advice or just something to keep me going, I went to her any time of the day anywhere we are.