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Chapter 19

We walked a few blocks back to Nialls flat, we didn't say much but I think it's because neither of us knew really what to say.

We walk back in and Niall walks into his room. I don't really know why he says he 'shares' a place with people, the other guys are never here.

I follow behind and I find him sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands in his hair. When I walk further in he looks up and smiles. Thank god.

I close the door and start to walk over but Niall stops me when he says, "Lock the door."

I turn back and turn the lock on the door and walk over the bed where Niall stands up to greet me. He places his hands on my hips and brings me closer.

"I'm sorry I freaked out." He whispers close to my face, I can feel his breath on my skin and it sends a shock through my body. "I just-"

"I need you." I interrupt before crashing my lips to his. He moves his hands lower on my back and pulls me closer to him, and I can feel his bulge against me.

He sits down on the bed and I get on top of him, straddling his hips. I move my hips against him and he moans into my mouth. I break away from his swollen lips and lay him down. Still sitting on top of him, I reach the hem of my shit and pull it over my head. Since I'm still a little drunk, I feel a little more brave, so in a bold move I reach behind me and un clasp my bra, throwing it to the ground. Nialls, eyes get wide and I bring my self back down to him again moving my tongue against his. He breaks and moves his mouth down to my chest and kisses me down my center, then moving his tongue in swift movements over to my right breast. I moan from the contact. I love the way he makes me feel, what he does to me.

He flips me over on the bed so he's hovering above me. I want to take charge, but right now I'm willing to give in to whatever he's going to do to me. His kiss mets my lips again, one of his arms is perched next to me to hold himself up and the other is trailing down my stomach and to the band of my shorts. His fingers find their way under the jean material and under the lace of my panties. He starts to rub my bud and I break from the kiss. I let out a moan in pleasure and he smiles looking down at what he's doing to me. He takes a moment to slide my shorts down my legs, goosebumps arising on my sensitive skin.

Before I realize what I'm doing, I grab his arm, causing him to stop his pleasuring assault. He breaks from my lips and looks at me, confusion painted all over his face.

"What-"

"Niall, I want to.." I pause, closing my eyes. Just say it Madi, just say it. "I want to have sex." I say, trying to find even a sliver of bravery in my body and make it apparent in my shaky voice.

He doesn't say anything, he looks at me, almost like he's pitying me for the embarrassing statement I just made. Great, I just made a fool out of myself for no reason.

"Madi, I... I just don't think we should." He says rolling off of me, placing his body right next to mine.

What?

"Why not?" My voice is strained and dry. You can tell I'm embarrassed. How could I not be anyway? I just told a guy that I want to have sex with him and he says he doesn't want to. Of course that would happen to me.

He lifts himself up onto one arm so he is looking down at me. I keep my eyes plastered on the ceiling trying to avoid looking into his blue eyes. I know that once I look at him, tears will burst from my eyes. I'm hurt, really hurt, but not as much as I am humiliated. Why did I say that? Oh yeah I know why, because he makes me feel so... Amazing and I couldn't help myself, I wasn't thinking and he's just so... So...

"Madi," his voice is soft, like he's trying to tip toe around my feelings. He's trying to think about what to say to make it ok, but it's not ok. "Babe, you've even said it yourself, we barely know each other. And I just... I don't want to take advantage of you."