Age Of Innocence (AOI) [Sequel To IR]

Chapter 47 } The Book Of Heartbreak

Matthew's POV
I sat on the windowsill, where ive been sitting since the nurses and doctors threw me into my room, after I hurt Ala. Ive just been sitting here with my knees curled up to my chest rocking back and forth trying to silence the voices. Nothing has happened, nothing will happen. The only way to shut them up was Ala. And that's the reason i was squeezing her wrist. I was getting angrier because normally by her touch, they would stop, they didnt. She didnt make them stop. She made them worse. Which angered me. I dont know what that means, or what its supposed to mean. So I continued to stare out the window hoping for the horizon to give me some kind of answer. Hoping for my rocking to soothe me, it never did.
"Matthew?" I turned to the sound of my doctors voice. He came in and closed the door, keeping my insanity from infecting others, and sat down. "Why did you hurt her?" Because she wouldn't make them stop, she wouldnt make the voices stop. I wasn't going to say that, I didnt feel like explaining what the voices were.
"I dont know."
"Was it the voices?" I was surprised by how kind he was being considering I just assaulted a girl.
"How did you know about the voices?" I was astonished. Nobody has ever understood the voices, ever.
"Matthew, your a special, gifted, brilliant boy. Your mind works differently than others, but your not alone, plenty of other people get these voices as well, they hear things just like you. Your just more imaginative, able to be more creative. Your brain works in different ways than most."
"How do I make it stop, how do I make them stop screaming at me?" I asked tears yet again coming to my eyes.
"It takes control. You've got to find your center, or your safe zone as some call it."
"What is that even supposed to mean."
"Whenever you feel angry or the voices are yelling at you, you've got to think of something, go to your happy place per say, take a deep breath and relax. Now all you have to do, is find that something or even someone who can calm you."
"Ala." I whispered.
"Ala. But even when she makes you angry, what are you going to do?"
"I have no idea."
"Maybe that's something you should think about while you sit here on the windowsill for the next four hours." He stands up from his chair and makes his way to the door.
"Doctor?" I stop him, he turns at my call. "Have you ever been in love?"
"I am in love."
"Is it normal, to be mad at the person you love. Is it normal to have fights, and say mean things to them. Is it normal to make mistakes."
"Most normal thing about love Matthew, is anger and mistakes. You can't hold this against Ala, you're not perfect, you make mistakes. So you can't completely hate her after this. She came back, she tried to apologize." I tried to understand what he was saying, but it was confusing. "And sometimes love can just fade." This made perfect sense to me. Love is fading from our relationship, and there seems to be little to fight for anymore. But I couldn't possibly give up, because I knew that there was still plenty of love able to be preserved. I couldn't let all of that go away. But I couldn't stop what we had from breaking, I was trying too hard, and it didn't seem like she was trying at all. I was trying to glue back the broken pieces but they were breaking too fast. I felt the tears spill as I faced the inevitable.
"Doctor, my relationship is falling apart." I dug my head back into my knees, and felt a hand rest on my back. Part of me imagined it to be Ala's, but the other part of me knew it was only Dr. Martin's.
"Some love just isn't meant to be Matthew." He lifted his hand from my back and I heard the heavy door open and close. Some love just isn't meant to be. The fraise seemed all too familiar. But it also seemed unfinished. There was more undiscovered about this heartbreaking sentence. I could never find a stable relationship, I always screwed it up. I always chased the girl away.
I've only loved two people in this world. Dylan Francis, and Ala Dausonn. I lost Dylan to my craziness, the craziness of thinking I deserved her. And now, I'm loosing Ala too, who I've convinced myself I love more than I'd ever loved Dylan. But she'll always be a sad story added to the book. And now Ala is writing herself into the book. It's slowly publishing itself. With each mistake, fight, anger rage. It's becoming more and more a full sad story. Added to my book of heartbreak.