The Search for Prince Charming

Chapter 18: Mental Meltdown

Everything was a blur for me after I heard a loud noise. Elliot reacted to the noise, and lifted his heavy body off of me to see what it was. It came from the direction of the door. He got up, and immediately screamed “You!” but then lots of action happened. I couldn’t focus on what was going on. The only thing I was concerned about was my shirt that I was wearing ripped, and my pants dangling by my ankles. Luckily, that was it. Elliot hadn’t gone farther because I gave such a fight about it. He tried to strip me, intending to violate me, but I struggled enough in hopes to stall for time so that something like this would occur.

I slowly tried to cover myself, pulling my pants up while still lying on my bed as Elliot was struggling against someone who had broken into my home. Once again, I wasn’t focused on them. But, they soon left my room, still fighting. I could hear them going down the steps and going out the front door. Suddenly, the house was quiet. Even though I could still hear Elliot and the other person outside clearly, the house just felt so silent. It was a very eerie feeling.

When my pants were finally up, I decided to take cover under my blankets. I honestly didn’t know the reason, but the urge to just hide away from everything took complete control of my body. I didn’t even bother to find a new shirt. When I finally settled into the sheets of my bed, pulling the covers over my head, the overwhelming realization of what just happened hit me pretty hard.

I was almost raped. Tears began to fall again as my body shivered and shook, still trying to get over the whole ordeal. My body was almost used as a thing. I almost lost something precious to me. I was going to save it for the one person who would prove to me that there was someone out there who was worth it. I almost had it taken away from me by someone who definitely wasn’t worthy. Suddenly, Annabelle’s voice started to ring in my ears.

“You’re. Not. Worth. It.”

That was what she said to me. Maybe it was true. While Elliot, to me, wasn’t perfect in my eyes, I admitted to myself that I’m not perfect either. I had my flaws, and maybe my biggest flaw was that I didn’t give any guy the time of day. Maybe my biggest flaw was my trust issues with guys. Maybe my biggest flaw was my stubbornness. Maybe my biggest flaw was believing that my prince charming was still out there.

Maybe it was all of them. Maybe I wasn’t fit to be anyone’s princess, and maybe that was why I couldn’t find my prince charming. Was I really worth it? I found it ironic that in order to push all the bad men out, I might’ve accidentally pushed the man I was looking for out. That is, if he was out there.

I had to remind myself, my perfect man didn’t exist. He couldn’t be out there, because society raised males to be inconsiderate and self-centered, as Elliot proved to be true. Men were tricky, manipulative, deceiving, and I wasn’t going to fall for it. I was stronger than that. I didn’t need a prince that would later on disappoint me. I didn’t need him in my life. And besides, if my prince did exist, wouldn’t he want me for who I was? Flaws included?

My mind was so consumed in my thoughts that I didn’t realize someone had come back into my house. They were quiet, slowly walking up the stairs and entering my room without charging in. I didn’t know if it was Elliot or the other person, but I was too scared to find out myself. I kept my head covered by my blankets and stayed as still as I could, even if I knew that they could obviously tell where I was from my shaking and crying. They walked to the bed, and stood still for a moment. I could feel his eyes looking down at me, trying to picture me under the blankets. He started to move again, but I couldn’t tell what he was doing. He made a few shuffling sounds with his feet, then he actually sat on the bed and lied down next to me!

My nerves were on fire. I didn’t know who it was and he was lying right next to me. Sure, we had fabric that was separating our bodies, but we were still lying next to each other! If it weren’t for the blankets, we would be facing each other. The tension was high, as I didn’t know what he was going to do. All he seemed to do so far was just lie next to me. That was it.

I felt his hand touch my arm through the fabric. It surprised me and I accidentally reacted to his touch, shuddering from it. But, he kept his hand there, then began to rub it ever so slightly. It felt soothing, calming my nerves down. All I focused on was his hand slowly going up and down my arm through the blankets. The speed of his hand, the amount of pressure, I paid attention to all of it. He did it for a good 10 minutes before my body started to relax on its own. I didn’t know who was doing this to me, and the idea that it was Elliot scared me to death. But somehow, this didn’t feel like him. This was the person that saved me.

I felt daring. I had the need to see who this person was. I knew it wasn’t Elliot, because he wasn’t someone that would pet my arm for a good 10 minutes. Plus, after paying attention to the size of the person’s body next to mine and how much weight they were putting on the bed, I figured it couldn’t be him. This person was lighter, and slightly shorter. So, I had to find out who he was. With very slow and hesitant motions, I moved my hands to the top of the blankets, pulling them off of my head slowly. I didn’t know if I was relieved or scared to see who it was, but I mostly felt shocked.

Alviss was lying right next to me, propped up on his arm and gently looking down at me as his free arm continued to gently rub my arm. I looked up at his face, and he smiled at me. His eyes had concern in them, but looked happy as I emerged from the blankets.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was quiet, as if making it louder would scare me away.

“Hey,” I responded back. When I spoke, I could still feel my throat choking on the words, making it sound hoarse. Looking up at Alviss, I saw a black eye forming, and his hair was messier than usual. I figured the fight got pretty intense, and I felt guilty again for causing all of this. I guess my face showed my guilt, because Alviss stopped rubbing my arm to slowly lift up my chin a little towards him.

“Stop looking so down, Kora. You should always keep that beautiful smile on your face.” His words sounded sincere, and his eyes looked the same way. He even gave a dazzling smile of his own. I wasn’t sure if making my own smile was possible. My tears had dried on my face, and I was sure my eyes were red and swollen from the tears. Plus, being happy after what had just happened to me was far from possible. But, I tried. I tried to move the tips of my lips up to form a smile, but the task was harder than it looked. It took a lot of effort, and I finally gave up. However, Alviss laughed softly, seeing me struggle. I was getting angry that he was mocking me, but he whispered to me, “That’s much better.” He accepted my lousy smile, and continued to rub my arm. It felt so good.

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yeah, it's short, but I wanted to get a chapter out. Anyway, i just wanted to explain why these past couple chapters have been so serious. This whole story has been based around actual events that happened to me. Elliot was my ex, Alviss is my current bf, and this whole situation was an over-dramatized version of what happened as well. I wanted to bring to light the seriousness of having a boyfriend that could do mental harm to a girlfriend, because these are similar thoughts i had. i thought everything was my fault. i was constantly figuring out what was wrong with me. but, it took my current bf to pull me out of the rut i dug myself.

All i'm saying is, this arc was personally meaningful to me. i guess that's why my writing style somewhat changed. Anyway, it's almost to its end, so just keep truckin' along :)

-K