Kabanata 1
Hatid
Hindi ako nakatulog pagkauwi ko ng bahay. Tulala pa nga habang nagtatanghalian akong mag-isa sa hapag.
Earlier... when I was beneath the water, falling deep, with the view of the sun through the reflection of the water where I could see it calm, gentle, and peace... I realized it was almost the last moment of my life. Ngayon lang rumehistro sa isip ko ang lahat ng sinabi ni Malcom.
Delikado ang bahaging iyon ng ilog. Maybe it is. And in that case, I was really saved by him. Na kahit hindi ako nalunod, sinagip niya pa rin ako.
Thinking about it makes me feel stupid. Masyado akong kampante na dahil marunong akong lumangoy, kaibigan ko na ang tubig at kahit kailan, hindi ako kayang saktan nito. Hindi kayang pagtaksilan. I was too confident that I didn't realize how it smoothly pulled me to its deepness! At kung hindi ako nakita ni Malcom, no one's saving me. Cuz I, myself, was surrendering to it.
If only I consider other places for my summer vacation, I would be enjoying the busy city of New York. Or the lovely view of Eiffel Tower in Paris. Or indulge myself in leisure somewhere in this world. Nakakatawang isipin kung paanong nakuntento na ako dito sa Arran.
I settled myself in this peaceful and simple town or Arran... because... I found something lovely in here.
Umihip ang panghapong hangin na bahagyang inilipad ang buhok ko. It is not the wind, I realized. Nilingon ko ang natatanaw na parte ng ilog sa malayo. It is not even the river. I looked around and still has no exact epitome for that lovely thing.
Sinundan ng tingin ko ang narinig na ingay sa malapit. Nandoon si Rayo kasama ang dalawang lalaki. If I am not mistaken, they are his band members. The Clarion, is it?
Sa kanilang tatlo, kay Malcom nanatili ang mga mata ko. I refuse to admit that I am memorizing his face. Or mastering his gestures. Pero hindi ko magawa. Hindi ko maitatanggi na unti unti kong nasasaulo ang bawat kilos niya.
"Envious people are a pain, Dimitrivina. Losers can't relate to success so..." si Alani at sumimsim sa kanyang inumin.
It's good to feel refresh being in the shade of this old tree. Nahaharang ang malupit na sinag ng araw at pinapawi rin ng madalas na ihip ng hangin ang init na dala nito.
"I don't really know that to think, Alani," tugon ko.
"It's not your fault if you got the offer. You have the edge so that is obvious. Besides, that is how this field works. They risk for those who have potential and not for those who are just... determined."
Naisip ko na rin 'yan. This industry is always for the sure win. Excluding beauty, they are after the potential and talent of their scout. Kaya kung hindi man sila ang nakatanggap ng offer, I am sure that it is for a reason.
"Dimitrivina has the potential so we don't worry about losing the offer, Alani. The sun is still so high for her. Marami pang darating," pakikisali ni Senyora Celeda para aluin ang pangamba ko.
I smiled and nodded. With all honesty speaking, I am really not in aw for losing--no, giving it up. The truth is, I am so fine rejecting their offer. Hindi naman ako interesado ro'n. At ayaw ko rin patunayan ang sarili ko sa mga ingratang inggit sa akin.
Accepting it would only mean that I am trying to prove myself that I really deserve it when the truth is, I got it because I am already efficient for the job. My rejection is just a simple talk that I... don't need it for me to stand out. If they are more mad because of my arrogance, then let them convulse.
Ipinahayag ni Senyora ang opinyon tungkol sa ginawa ko samantalang suportado naman ni Alani ang iritasyon ko para sa mga inggratang iyon.
"And if that's the case, let them die in your own success. No one's pulling them down but their own jealous ass."
