Kabanata 20
I do
I rebelled. I risked. I hoped. Now, I am just tired. I can only resent and hold grudge at how things turned out.
"You are such a disappointment."
Ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit ni Mamita sa sinabi niyang 'yon. But I am tired to even counter her remark. At alam ko na hanggang do'n nalang ang galit ni Mamita dahil hindi niya kayang mag eskandalo dito sa airport.
She is acting this way because we are losing the honor. The issue has damaged the reputation of the family. She is disheartened at the ruined dignity of our name. Kaya hindi niya na gustong madungisan pa ang pangalan ng pamilya dahil lang sa isa pang eskandalo.
"I have to make a call," matabang kong sinabi at bumagal sa lakad ko pasunod sa kanya.
Mamita was alert to notice my slightest attempts of escaping. Or at least she thought I'd go against her again this time. Tumigil siya sa lakad para lingunin ako. It's only just the two of us within the airport's vicinity. She dismissed her people and chose to handle me herself. Kaya lahat ng gusto niyang iutos dapat sa mga tauhan niya, siya na ang kailangan gumawa.
She neared to me. Kinuha ako sa braso at sa marahang hila ay pinalakad ulit pasunod sa kanya.
"You won't dare to contact people unless I permit you to use your phone," she said quietly, tone in heavy stress.
"Mamita! You can't do that to me! I need to call Kuya! Si Papa!" reklamo kong hindi na naman tumalab sa kanya.
"I don't see any reason for you to dial any of the two. They are working their asses off to save whatever they can save so stop being a bother to them! Iyon na lang ang gawin mo para sa pamilya!"
I scoffed at the offense. Unti unting umahon ang galit sa puso ko na pakiramdam ko, isang sagi na lang sa akin ay papatulan ko na ang galit ni Mamita. And swear, it doesn't help that I have been seething for quite a while now.
Sa bawat tagal ng pagkikimkim ko ng galit, tumitindi ang bawat piraso ng apoy. One flicker is alarming a fire. One blow of the wind, I am sure to fire up!
And then again, I seethed. I kept the rage all to me. I had been taming my wrath. I had been ruling my own loath.
Umabot pa nga ang galit ko hanggang Spain. Pinalampas ko ang lahat ng pagkakataon na pwede akong magwala. I slacked off all my chances to question and wrong Mamita of everything that has dragged me here! Pero hindi ko ginawa.
I know how much it terrified her to come to this low. I very much know how belittling it was to have reached to this point of life where I consider is verge of the downfall. I understood my Mamita.
"Patrico is a good man. He came from a well off family, Trivina. He'll surely be a good resource!"
Except after that. Muntik na akong mataranta sa naging deklara ni Mamita tungkol sa plano niya. She wants me to date rich boys here in Spain at the high hopes of getting any benefit from their riches! Na pwede akong makipagrelasyon sa kanila at kapag gano'n na nga, hihingi na ako ng kung ano-ano sa kanila!
I will demand and they will serve! All I do is to ask and voila! Wish come true!
"I can't do that, Mamita. It has only been two months since our arrival. Everyone here is a stranger to me. At hindi ba dapat ang pagtulong kina Kuya ang pinagtutuonan ko ng pansin? I'm up for that! But why are you resorting to this?"
I am distraught. Lalo pa't alam kong hindi ako makakatakas sa usapan dahil nasa hapag kami at naghahapunan kasama ang iilang kaibigan ni Mamita.
She sneered at me. Napilitan akong manatili sa silya ko kahit kating kati na ang mga paa na lisanin ang hapag.
