Downton Abbey: All Is Fair In Love And War

A Silver Binding

Crawley House,
October 1918

Matthew did not enjoy being in a wheelchair, but he did enjoy the care Thomas gave him. Their late nights finally had an excuse and no one looked twice as they walked down the street together. No one would dare to comment on such a selfless act, noble act, of a soldier caring for another soldier. It was almost as if the world was the dugout now, the entire world was behind closed doors — Downton Village had become France in Matthew Crawley's eyes. There was no pressure anymore about heirs or marriage, there was only Thomas Barrow pushing him down the street and towards the bakery for fresh morning bread. Maybe, Matthew thought, being injured paid for my sins enough and no innocent Lavinia suffering through a lie.

Mary had come many times to the Crawley house in the hopes of convincing Matthew to return to proper care but even Mrs Crawley had put her foot down, like she always did when she felt like she was in the right. Mrs Crawley had said that what Matthew thought was best for him, was best for him — to regain what normal of a life he could have. Never had Matthew cherished his mother more for her words and since then Matthew had not heard Mary mention it again.

The only one who didn't seem to be pleased was Molesley whose duties had been decreased, even if Matthew assured him that his care for the Crawley house as a butler would always be needed.

Matthew didn't mind that all too much now, not when Thomas adjusted the blanket in his lap and gave him that devilish good-looking smile. The only sorrow he carried was that he would never again be able to feel that pleasure Thomas had brought to his body over and over again. He would never stand erected and naked in the arms of his darling Thomas — but it warmed him to see that Thomas was true to his words; he seemed to not care about that at all.

"Let's get you inside so you can enjoy your bread, Captain Crawley" Thomas said and returned to his position behind the chair and pushed it to the front door of the Crawley house. There he took it past the doorway and straight into the drawing room — but he didn't aid Matthew out of it. Thomas had started to let Matthew pull himself from his chair onto the sofa.

This is exactly why no one but Thomas could care for Matthew. He didn't treat him like a helpless child, and he showed him no pity. Thomas didn't insist on doing everything for Matthew — it was not in Thomas' nature to do so. Instead he urged him to do what he could on his own, or at least try, and if he failed Thomas was right there to pick him up and let him try once again.

"I'll run down with the bread to Mrs Bird and ask her to bring you some of it with tea" Thomas said and threw a look at the door to make sure they were alone and then he snuck a quick kiss from Matthew's lips.

"Tell her I will be needing two cups!" Matthew shouted at Thomas.

"Isn't that far too obvious, sitting down for a brew Mr Crawley?" Thomas said but could not hide how pleased he was.

"If they have any complaints about me sitting down for tea with my caretaker they can come to me and express it — this is my house." Matthew said and reached for the newspaper that was laid upon the table next to him. They often took tea together — but that's as far as they went. They didn't want to push their luck nor for Mrs Bird or Mr Molesley to gossip with the servants' of Downton. But this was Matthew's house and here his rules applied.

Later in the day they took a long walk, a walk most would seem impossible with a wheelchair, but not to Thomas. He pushed them over a meadow in the autumn day, over hills and far away from the village. There were deers went running through the grass. Matthew smiled; if he were to live his life in this chair he couldn't have asked for a life better than this. Who would've thought that it would be Thomas Barrow, of all people, to bring happiness to his heart?

Eventually Thomas sat down in the wet grass, out of breath but smiling, he looked up at Matthew. "I wouldn't do that for just anyone, I hope you know that." He took his hat off and wiped sweat from his forehead that carried marks from the brim of the hat that had been rubbing uncomfortably against his skin.

Matthew smiled down at Thomas and his hand found the man's cheek and then his thumb came to caress over that prominent cheekbone. "I know, my darling, you have given me my life back."

Thomas turned his head to nuzzle his face into his palm. There he planted a few kisses over the skin before resting his head on Matthew's lap. "I am glad Mary stopped acting like she could do better. No one can do better since no one knows you better than me" He said rather possessively — an understandable emotion considering the circumstances of their love. No one could ever find out that it was a man that held all of Matthew's love.

"You know I am still happy to do this, right? I hope you do, Matthew, because being with you is a happiness beyond all else." Thomas said and when Matthew nodded Thomas brought their lips together in a kiss that warmed their wind-reddened cheeks. "You're beautiful, Matthew Crawley, and always will be in my eyes." Thomas said.

Matthew lifted the blanket from his lap and patted his knee for Thomas to come and sit, which he did. Matthew then wrapped them both up in warmness. "How long are we going to sit here today?" He asked while holding Thomas close to him by his waist, and Thomas leaned to rest his head on Matthew's shoulder.

"Until the sun has set" Thomas replied in a whisper and looked out over the field, the birds flying and the deers feeding on the grass. It was perfect tranquillity to be here. "I wish I could take a photograph of this, with a camera and not just my mind"

Matthew pulled Thomas closer to him and nodded in agreement "If only the world could see how magnificent you are, Thomas Barrow."

"I don't — I don't need the world to like me, to see me, your eyes are more than enough and so is your love" Thomas sighed.

"My unkind footman, my darling, you don't need to show them everything you show me — but you have kindness within you." Matthew smiled and nudged Thomas cheek with his nose so the Sergeant would tilt his head and they could share another kiss.

"I wish I could take a photograph of this moment right here." Thomas said and adjusted Matthew's scarf around his neck. "Maybe, from time to time, a silver lining comes with bad events."

"Don't you mean 'silver binding?'" Matthew chuckled and Thomas looked confused. "When you wrote to me — " Matthew began explaining but Thomas finished the sentence for him.

" — and I sent you the book, I said to look for the silver binding." Thomas nodded and remembered "I thought that was quite brilliant of me." He said with a wink.

"Oh, you tosser." Matthew laughed and gripped the front of Thomas' coat to drag him into another kiss that did not quite stop until the sun and went down behind the trees. If only their bliss could always be.