Retrograde

Retrograde | Chapter 7

Author's Note:

Babyface "When Can I See You" is our inspo for this chapter. Eda's heart is broken on two fronts...but only one is making her feel like she can't breathe.

Thank you for all your patience. I know I say this every chapter, but things have been so crazy busy, that I always feel badly for making you wait.

I love seeing the comments here and on Twitter. Or the theories you're coming up with. It makes my heart happy to see so many enjoying the story.

Warning: There is a sexual assault scene towards the end, so please read with caution. It's not overly violent, and the guy gets his just desserts, but I want to make sure you're aware before you start reading.

Also 🔞 (that's all I'm gonna say 😜)

Find me on Twitter: @dizigirl1 and let me know what you think!

Love to you all,
Ames

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Previously on Retrograde:

Their tongues slowly dance, conveying so much emotion and regret.  He pulls back and looks longingly into her eyes, and whispers.

"I love you more,"

And he stands, and with a final glance, walks out the door.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

10 weeks, 5 days, and 17 hours of heartbreak later

The smell of the ballet studio is familiar and comforting as Eda presses her hands on the barre and closes her eyes.  The classical music starts to play as she begins her routine. 

She's missed the discipline and grounding force of ballet.  It didn't feel right dancing after Elif passed, but losing Serkan forced Eda back here.  Without him, she had nothing. She was lost and untethered like a feather at the mercy of the wind. 

But being here is restoring her, piece by piece, and she's finally doing it on her own.

She's missing Serkan beyond measure, but as difficult as the time apart has been, she now knows Serkan made the right decision for them both - just like he always has.

Initially, she was hurt and angry.  Blindingly angry, in fact.  Deep down she knew she was a mess, but abandonment was all she could feel; first by Elif, and then by Serkan. 

But his absence somehow stung even more, because, unlike her mother, he chose to walk away.

Once the feelings of betrayal subsided, Eda finally understood just how much she'd come to rely on him, and how unfair she'd been to Serkan.

Working through her grief and everything in between has been confronting.  She's had to come to terms with breaking Serkan's heart - the one person who didn't deserve it.  It's been a bitterest of pills to swallow.

She misses who she used to be.  Fiery and a little bit impulsive - the girl who would stand to fight for what was right - always knowing that her partner in crime was there to back her up.  The two of them used to take on the world, together.  Not..."Serkan carrying a lifeless and numb Eda through everything".

Eda knows she's so much stronger than she's shown over the last six months, and is going to prove it to him, that she's getting her shit together. 

As another class ends, Eda smiles feeling lighter, waving goodbye to her friends.  She quickly checks her phone - a missed call from Melo, and a text from Todd, asking if she wants to go to the library tomorrow afternoon, "as friends".