Retrograde

Retrograde | Chapter 12

Author's Note:

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say my heart has been breaking for the devastation in Turkey and Syria. In the depths of human tragedy, we see glimpses of unity and hope, but the imagery of families being decimated and little children being orphaned has impacted me at a visceral level.

It's going to be a long road for both nations, but in particular, I want to leave the link here for the White Helmets Organization who have been on the ground in Syria for a long time when all other aid was stopped. Please donate whatever you can to them.

https://whitehelmets.org/en/

Sending so much love to our Turkish and Syrian friends.

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OK loves,

How are we doing? Are we ready for Chapter 12!? Our poor Edser babies are going through it right now, aren't they?

Normally my chapters only have one song, but this chapter has a couple. I've mentioned before that music creates such vivid imagery for me, so I've added the links to the songs where I saw the scenes the most clearly. Listen to the song, and then read the section if you want the "3D" experience. 😉

(Shout out to @typewritersheart - your request for "Runnin' Home To You" fit Serkan rolling through the desert so beautifully, my heart had no choice but to use it.)

Thank you all for your beautiful messages. After the last chapter, so many of you reached out to either cuss me out or just cry "emojis and pain" into my DMs. I'm glad to have you with me on this journey.

Please don't forget to vote! You can find me on Twitter @dizigirl1. Can't wait to hear your thoughts.

Love,
Ames

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Previously on Retrograde:

"You need to go be brilliant, Eda. Go and live all your dreams," he whispers, and Eda steps back from him, breathing heavily and wiping her nose with the back of her hand. He hates the distance already and reaches down, collecting his bag from his feet, and walks out of their bedroom a final time.

Eda sinks to her knees, ruined forever, and whispers to his back.

"I hate you, Serkan Bolat."

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Serkan barrels out the front door of the Chelsea Brownstone that has been a home for almost all of his life. Distraught, he stumbles towards the green strip and vomits into the gutter, bracing himself on a tree. His heart burns in his chest, and his skin feels two sizes too small.

What have I done?

He stands slowly, struggling to catch his breath as tears break through the tough exterior he'd assumed in their bedroom. His skin tingles with adrenaline, and he pulls his phone from his pocket, dialling Eren.

"Serkan...," Eren whispers in trepidation.

"It's done," he whispers, choking on the words.

"Oh, oh...," Eren sighs defeatedly, having dreaded this moment. They sit in silence. "Serkan...I hate this...," Eren struggles, hoping that these three little words convey everything he wants to say.

Unable to respond, Serkan nods through tears, his ragged breathing the only thing that tells Eren he's still on the line.

"Will you call me when you land?"

"I...need time. To get my head right," Serkan admits with a heavy exhale. "But I'll call...."

"That's fair. You're right. You're right. Take the time you need, son," Eren agrees reluctantly as he tries to think of something else that'll keep the boy he's loved all his life on the phone for a moment longer.